Detentions - big deal or not?

Surely it depends on the school.

One local secondary has a "no chances" policy. So you can get a detention for forgetting/incomplete homework, not having the laptop charged to 100% first thing in the morning (96% for a very new year 7 who was very stressed about it still gets a detention), wrong uniform (like wrong type of trousers), being late for a lesson, ... It doesn't matter that the child is working really hard all the time, if they break one of these it is an automatic detention. Even the best hardworking students expect to get 2-3 a year.

Another one has a "one chance" policy. This means if you're generally hard working and organised then you probably won't get one over the year. This means for the odd time you've forgotten something, you get a mark by your name, which means if you forget in that subject again you'll get one.

It is hard. Just make sure than both prongs of attack on his behaviour are there, so he has incentives as well as punishments. Also do raise concerns if he isn't coping. Finally my dyslexic son can't always express why he does things, and certainly doesn't always say more than he has to to some teachers (we had a parents meeting recently with his form tutor, and it was far less useful than one with the Head of Sixth form would have been, as the latter has earnt my sons respect so he would have opened up more).

But yes your son needs to not hurt other children, and to learn that fast before size and hormones cause real problems (I am not blaming you at all). In my experience secondary school is much less forgiving over not working.

Well my DCs school has six levels of detention depending on the crime. Repeated level 1's do get you an automatic level 2. Level 1 is held by the teacher, and is any time up to 1/2 hour at Break or Lunch. Level 2 is 1/2 hour with senior staff. Level 3 is 60 minutes either two lunch or an after school, held by senior staff, level 4 is 90 minutes after school. Level 5 is an internal exclusion, level 6 is an external exclusion. From level 3 up parents are phoned, level 1 and 2 are written in the planner which parents are supposed to inspect weekly.
My kids have never got above level 2; and if they did they might get a loss of privileges; but generally I feel as the school escalates for severity or repetition they are punished enough there. Bullying and fighting are level 5, and homophobic/racist comments are level 6 BTW.

Different schools clearly give out detentions more frequently than others.
My ds never got a detention until Yr11 (for being late too often), and he certainly fits into the category of being forgetful, disorganised, etc., described at the top of the thread. The school expects that of 11 yr olds and supports them, not punishes them.
What you are talking about though OP - pushing another child because they are annoying them - is a different level. I totally understand the reinforcing the school's punishment, and would have done the same. I'd be more worried though about the fact you report that He physically hurt a child (as well as hitting other children with his bag). He didn't apologise. He told the staff that he didn't care that he hurt another child. He also asked them why he was in trouble and couldn't he be let off. I would be talking to the SENCo about trying to get some social skills support that can help him learn that's not how society works.

britta

When I was at school I thought getting a detention was a big deal. Now, not so much. If it was for something serious (the pushing) I would also impose sanctions at home. For the minor stuff, I'd not be bothered and leave it to the school.

I don't like the thought of my daughter getting a detention at all, so I think it depends what it's for - she's most likely to get one for forgetting something. She shouldn't get one for her uniform, skirt okay length, ties are clip on so can't be worn loose etc. When she started school a few teachers asked if anyone knew any chatterboxes and my daughter was nominated so sits in front of the teachers desk. Has never been late in whole of school life, so it would only be for something unexpected and I would provide a note in that instance.

Three boys in her tutor group have had detention already this month and their tutor apparently hit the roof as hers has the highest level of detentions, so I think many will be anxious to avoid it.

......Still treat it seriously if it happens.

If it happens I will treat it seriously as it is all part of the school trying to adopt a low tolerance policy and that, in the long run, can only help our children learn when they are in class.

It seems to vary from year to year how strict they are (and that is bound to directly impact the chances of my talkative and slightly disorganised son at some point) but I will st

Depends on the reason for the detention.

Detention for continuing to talk in class, being rude or cheeky to the teacher, unkind behaviour towards another pupil IMO totally warranted and would be followed up with sanctions at home.

Detentions for forgetting equipment when the teachers aren't following her IEP and writing the equipment needed in her planner for her, or for not doing homework in time when again, the teachers aren't following her IEP and writing the homework down in her planner for her, I would kick up a MASSIVE stink over, and refuse to allow her to do the detention.

If the teacher has followed DD's IEP, and written the homework brief in her planner for her, and written down what equipment is needed for that lesson in her planner, then a break time detention may be justified if it is happening often.

If the teacher can't be arsed to follow DD's IEP and write these things down for her, then IMO they have no right to give her a detention. Even when I email every one of her teachers each year, with an attached copy of her IEP, they STILL try to give her detentions despite refusing to follow her IEP. About 1/10 teachers follow the instructions on her IEP.

So IMO, my reaction to a detention is dependent on the REASON for that detention...

Why doesn't his school provide a "security spot/safe zone" for children who need it at Lunchtimes/Break times anyway. My DCs school has a special homework club which provides them with a zone where they can be inside, and can also destress from their time in class. Children not on the register are allowed to use the library at breaks/lunch, but the homework club is in another room nearby.

If detentions will not work as a punishment then the school should be working on something that will; although my dyslexic son actually enjoyed most of his detentions but still got very very few during his school career and still saw them as a deterent. BTW I was a goodie goodie at school but still got more detentions than you (mainly because of class detentions). At my DCs school they are very strict so it is very hard to get less than 1 or 2 a term, mainly for Uniform infringements, or being late, or not handed in on time homework (sometimes easy when you have more than one teacher for the same subject).

I should add, that since then I have ben diagnosed as dyslexic, dyspraxic, bipolar and psychiatric people have said that I have a lot of aspergers signs too. So there is no surprise I didn't get on with school, lol.

But, given my literal mind (which isn't as bad now I don't have the stress of school) I honestly didn't see detentions as a punishment - crowds of children were almost physically painful to me, so being in a nice calm room was nearer to a reward - if I didn't have a DT, I was mostly hiding in a corner of the library anyway.

I still don't get why it is such a big deal tbh...

DS is in Y8 - he has had 4 or 5 detentions since starting secondary - mostly for back-chat, but one for forgetting homework. He's a bit "meh" about them tbh, but has had far fewer than some of his friends (and never an after-school one). They are a big deal to me, particularly if he has been disruptive, and he generally gets a roasting from DH and I.

DD1 is in Y7, and would be devastated to get a detention. She is a perfectionist and works hard, although I wouldn't be surprised if her forgetfulness doesn't catch up with her soon (that or her skirt-rolling habit ). For her, yes, big deal.

My ds1 is in yr 9 and has never had a detention. He is just a 'good' kid (i expect i will have a very different experience when ds2 goes to.high school nxt yr as he is more of a push the boundaries type!)

nosoggy i think.you are handling it well and we have the same approach, bad behaviour at school.results in loss of privilidges at home ie xbox time etc. Parents need to support schools. If any of my children were to get a detention then we would further reinforce that with withdrawing privilidges as home such as the xbox. Its reinforcing the message that what they have done is not ok.

Equally when my children arevrewarded at school with certificate/merit etc for good work/behaviour we then also reward/praise them verbally and with a small treat if appropriate, iy works both ways.

I had the school record for amount of detentions without beng excluded.

I wasn't even badly behaved - I just forgot stuff, was late, didn't dress myself properly, didn't write neatly, daydreamed, read books under the table after I had finished my wok (I still on't get wha thy expected there...), wrote poetry on my excercse books (it was relevant to the subject!), didn't put enough effort into colourng in (colouring in belongs in art lessons only), asked questions not on the syallbus and so on...

I didn't mind. Kept me away from bullies and warm, and it was qute cool making teachers book themselves in - 'I'm afraid I'm already in detention all this week, but I have a lunchtime next wednesday if that is onveinient?'

Hmm, ok, I was badly behaved, but only because I wasn't really a 'school person'....

Still, never did me any harm, and I am a law abiding citizen now :-D

I find the idea of double punishment really odd. If a child is punished in school, I will express my disapproval but I will not punish them further eg. remove privileges. Your son is only in year 7, soon the hormones will hit big time (and he will be bigger than you). Then if you try to punish him for something he has already suffered for once you will probably receive a very angry response.

Schools expect you to uphold the discipline code, not add extra punishments. So yes if a Child is excluded they don't get to play on the computer all day, but don't add extra punishment for a detention.

If the first incident is a common occurrence I would want my son to be on the SEN register, and to be taking steps to help him deal with his anger/frustration issues. As well as probably an action plan for his lack of social skills.

Nosoggy Your approach sounds fantastic and I am sure it will be much appreciated by the school.

My year 7 boy has had a couple of, and been let off a few, lunchtime detentions. He would have had an after school one otherwise, 3 minor offences means an automatic proper detention. He's been identified as possibly dyslexic and is very disorganised, it's been good for him. He's always known he's poor at certain remembering skills but he's now starting to check, every day, the online planners that are available to him.

A boy who is in many of his classes has started to be put into exclusion. He has tantrums in class and is getting to be known as a bully.

I was very similar to my son and wish I'd have been given some minor detentions! A few detentions for late homework, no tie, chatting in class, would ring no alarm bells for me. Frequent detentions for other behaviours would very much worry me. I would also be concerned about very frequent detentions for "forgetfulness". My forgetfulness was overlooked at school.

agree domino, at our school detentions are a big deal, and more than one a term i would be having a serious chat.
many of our students go through their entire school careers without getting a single detention.