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Original poster

Is this normal for a headteacher/first day of school?

34 replies

Spalva · 03/10/2012 09:24

I'm likely to spend lots of time here these days. I'm very thankful to have a place to come and ask questions.

My eldest daughter had her first day yesterday at the local secondary school. She is in Year 8; we just moved to the UK from abroad. Dd has lived in five countries in ten years. This school was our last choice (it is our catchment school). That is the background info.

We had an appointment to meet the headteacher (an apparently famous guy) first thing in the morning. He came into the reception hall, saw us, and said, "Oh! You must be the people I'm supposed to meet this morning. The told me I'm to meet "some people" at 8:30, but they didn't give me any details. I tried to get them tell me details. So, I'm sorry, but I didn't know who you were." Then for ten minutes he kept mentioning that he wasn't told who we were and that now he knows who we are. He took a few details, tried to reassure us about some points, and let us go.

So I handed my dd over to the head of her house, who couldn't tell us if she would need her PE kit because he couldn't figure out if it was week A or week B. So he asked the admissions officer, who had to flip through her agenda to figure it out.

Not one of dd's teachers ever took her aside and spoke to her. In physical education her buddy for the day had to try to figure which "set" she would be in and ended by assuming that she would be in set 2. I kept asking what the teacher said about it but she just shrugged. My child doesn't even know what a set is -- and I only know because I've been reading here!

My dd carried her heavy PE kit (she brought the whole lot since she didn't know what she would need) around all day long. No one mentioned getting a locker. No one asked about taking her fingerprints so she can get set up to eat. There was nowhere to sit to eat, anyway. She barely had time to swallow three crackers at 10 am (she gets low blood sugar).

I realize British schools are not set up to cater to kids who have never been in the British system. I do. But what about new kids? Do they really just throw them in there and make them swim? Dd was in a tiny school, had nine children in her whole year! She is completely overwhelmed. When I tried to explain to her that she should meet a pastoral manager she was panicky and said, Whaaatt? in a very uncharacteristic, teary way. She has been crying since she got home yesterday and she never, never cries. She was a top student and I'm worried. Can you tell?

I'm not sure there is much advice for anyone to give me here. But I just moved here and have absolutely nobody to talk to. And, I must say, I'm quite teary myself. I'd just like to understand better how this should work, in an ideal British secondary school, let's say.

OP posts:
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TheHappyCamper · 03/10/2012 18:06

LL sounds like "learning to learn" and CI is likely to be "citizenship". Glad dd has had a better day today Smile

Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 17:40

Wrote TT instead of TE. Had the brilliant idea to at least go look at website. :-) TE seems to be either Textiles or Food Tech. I can't figure out LL...she had it today and they talked about teamwork (she does not know what LL is :-)) and I still can't figure out CI. But she has it tomorrow so maybe she'll get a vague idea!

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lljkk · 03/10/2012 17:27

DS 2 week plan printout had for each slot (all 60 spaces):
DT (2-3 letter code for subject)
K123 (room number)
DI (teacher initials)
EN2346 (internal code for the exact course)

I told him to translate subject code to something meaningful in English & write down the room number in his planner, rest didn't matter.

bumpybecky · 03/10/2012 17:18

I suspect that they are the initials of the teacher rather than the subject being taught

UnderCoverMotherHere · 03/10/2012 17:09

Confused no idea sorry. Any more clues?

Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 17:05

Oh and could someone please tell me what these courses are:

CI
TT
LL

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 17:00

Much better day today. She got her fingerprints and planner. She liked her history teacher and had a much better time understanding the maths teacher's accent. The pastoral manager came and spoke to her after I emailed her. And some kids went nuts over her accent! :-) Though she says she can't tell who is just being friendly and who is sincere. I told her to stop questioning people's motives and just take whatever comes. She's still looking for a kindred spirit (she's quite a tomboy and this is not a tomboy school!) but she's giving it time. Right now, she can't understand how she'll ever meet someone more than once or twice a week but that's just a need for time to allow things to fall into place. Hopefully, she'll join some clubs -- and perhaps she'll recognize someone at Scouts this week.

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Hopeforever · 03/10/2012 13:48

The local schools here all have a two week timetable, so the kids need to know which week it is as well as the day of the week.

They seem to get the hang of it really quickly. Ask her to show you her timetable and if you can, copy it so you know what she is doing each day and encourage her that way.

If you have problems the normal person to contact would be her form tutor or head of year. As for fingerprinting and lockers, a quick call to the office should give you information to help her

Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 13:32

Oh, thank you for this detailed information. I couldn't find such focused information anywhere! I really appreciate it very much -- and I feel so much more confident about it, though I've waited a bit too long.

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tiggytape · 03/10/2012 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 13:14

Okay, I keep coming here in between sorting laundry, washing dishes, unpacking boxes (still!)...

admission (you gave me quite a start, as I was thinking I had been found out by the school I'm writing about! :-)), some of those things did happen, but in such a superficial way, if that's the right way to explain it. We had this quick meeting with the head, and she was taken away by the head of the house. But dd never understood who he was, and he just dropped her off in the form room. She did have a buddy, but not the older buddy -- though her form group is made up of kids from all years. Of course, if you just follow a buddy around, how can you be expected to learn your own way around (case in point, she didn't know how to find her room this morning because she had been led there in the morning by the head of house), so in the end the answer is just: it will take time, isn't it?

Perhaps things turned out all right today.

To the others who are saying that she needs to find her way, I agree with you. But we are also talking about a 12 year-old girl who in no way fits in with her peers at this school and who only found out she was moving to the UK and leaving her school, her beloved city, and famliar teachers and friends behind two months ago. Can you say emotional pre-adolescent mess? She didn't ask for this. But you couldn't find a child more determined to succeed or stoic, for that matter (it really takes a lot to make her cry), but this is not easy for her.

It's true that she is shy; she realized on her own that she needed to be asking more questions. If she comes home again like yesterday, I will give her this list of things to ask and where to ask them.

I've also emailed the pastoral manager.

Thanks everyone! But I still would like advice on whether or not I have any chance to win an appeal for a school not in my catchment area (knowing that she meets the fourth criterion after catchment, siblings, looked-after).

OP posts:
admission · 03/10/2012 12:56

My secondary school, where I am a governor, has been outstanding on pastoral care for the past three Ofsted inspections. Its a big school, 1700 pupils, so it is easy for pupils to feel completely overwhelmed when they first come to the school but the trick, which we seem to have got right is how you split up the school and have the right pastoral support team around a house system.
Your child would have seen the head teacher or one of the deputies first thing when arriving. They would have been guided around the school by one of the pastoral support team on the first day and had everything like timetable, lockers, dinner time etc sorted. They would have been paired up with another pupil to act as a buddy in the same year group and also a pupil in year 10/11 who they turn to for help.
I am sure that we don't get it completely right every time a pupil starts but I know that your experience is way below what should be happening. I agree with others that the school has failed to help your child and therefore looking for another more caring school would seem a sensible move.

lljkk · 03/10/2012 12:36

It's nice to read that not every school cocks it up.

With respect, I am pretty sure that anyone who has been thru the usual steps of yr7 transfer will have had a huge amount more support than was offered to OP (or me) in bringing in our new pupils after yr7. I dare say I'll be able to verify that for myself when DD starts yr7 in 2013! I even moaned about the apparent disorganisation of DS school on here & was poopooed assured that of course the school would manage the transfer well (bollux).

I found out by accident when induction meeting for yr7s was at DC school, and it's only by crashing that meeting that I felt confident about what DS needed to do on his first day as a new yr8. We are still catching up with regard to equipment. I had to email 2 weeks after he started school to get DS his own login, that kind of thing is still happening. (But to be fair they respond to emails well).

It's the things that need doing that you don't know need doing that catch you out.

It's a learning opportunity for your DD, OP, dealing with disorganised institutions. Gotta find a positive in some part of it.

noblegiraffe · 03/10/2012 12:15

She should have a form tutor that she sees daily who would be able to direct her to the right place to ask about fingerprints and lockers. Did she ask?

I'm afraid that if you're hoping someone will sort this all out without chasing you'll probably be disappointed. Your DD needs a list of things to request and then ask where she should go to sort them. There will be a reception/student support area where the kids go if they're ill/need to sign in or check lost property. They should be able to help.

brentwoodgal · 03/10/2012 12:12

I've PMed you too

tiggytape · 03/10/2012 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 11:56

So, two schools of thought here. That's confusing.

First some clarifications: I don't expect to know what set she is in; I barely know what a set is. But I would expect the teacher to speak up and say "we don't know yet what set you're in so just go stand over there." Or something of the like. At that point, whether my dd understands what a set is is irrelevant! At least she knows what to do, where to stand.

As for the subjects, it's simply for me to understand where she is in all this? What has she already covered, what will be completely new (ie. British history), what kinds of books do they read in English. It's really more curiosity than anything else.

I am not asking for everyone to explain the minutiae to her; she's been in enough countries and enough schools (this is her 7th in 8 years) to figure things out a bit. But she can't get herself a locker or a fingerprint on her own. And, really, most school systems do not have daily-changing schedules which then rotate week to week. So, imho, some extra guidance is needed.

OP posts:
Hopeforever · 03/10/2012 11:51

Have sent you a PM as I think we might be local to you

tiggytape · 03/10/2012 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 10:42

Oh I get that the teacher would need to get on with the lesson, I do. And, of course, you get what you pay for, right? Doesn't make it easier on the kid, though.

lljkk -- thanks for the advice. Those year 9s who helped dd yesterday were new and telling her they felt very lost too. Makes me sad.

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ShobGiteTheKnid · 03/10/2012 10:35

What noblegiraffe said. Not a nice start at all, but not abnormal either. No time for the personal service that you get in international schools (I now work in one - it is an entirely different kettle of fish).

I would make sure the head of year knows she is struggling, and have a good chat with them about routines etc - dinner, lockers etc.

lljkk · 03/10/2012 10:28

I am not surprised by your experience. Have had extremely similar with DS (he's in y8, too, started at new school 4 weeks ago). Only at least he had a personal apology from the HT & I had an apologetic call from HT's PA.

I would be fairly surprised if you found any other state school managed to induct her any better (sorry). I figured out back in June that I was going to have to be very canny about prising information out of the school & psyching DS up for their disorganisation and making sure he could just roll with whatever happened.

No matter what happens next you need to get closely involved until she's settled in (& maybe afterwards), chasing hard to make sure that she's as ready as she can be for whatever lack of organisation she is presented with. Someone in our school office is quite on the ball & quickly deals with emails, I've discovered, if only to delegate them to correct others. So that's a good channel in for us.

noblegiraffe · 03/10/2012 10:24

At my school carrying PE kit around is normal so wouldn't have been considered an issue. If your DD is international then no, the teachers wouldn't have any idea what set she should be in - my school would probably give her an assessment at some point early on to decide and stick her in a set with space in until then.
As a teacher I wouldn't have time to take her aside and chat to her individually as she would have probably turned up to my lesson with little or no warning so I would get on with the planned lesson once I'd found out who she was. In a school with 9 kids that might be possible but in one with 1500 where kids suddenly appear in your class a degree of simply getting on with it would be expected.
The buddy should have helped her with lunch, however!

Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 10:24

Thank you so, so much for that. Really, I wasn't sure if my dd's experience was normal and I didn't want to jump to conclusions about "British schools,' I've moved too many times in my life to do that. But I am so happy to see how it should have gone. I am appalled, really.

I didn't appeal earlier because I really thought it would be useless. I have been in contact with this school since before moving. We tried to find something in the catchment but we had ten days to find something and just couldn't. We are in the borough, though. They have told me from the beginning that there were no places. We meet their fourth criterion, which is to have recent international experience. I'm appealing on those grounds but I really don't have stronger reasons.

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Original poster
Spalva · 03/10/2012 10:18

I filled out the appeal this morning and need to get it printed and posted.

Neither our first (international school) nor second choice school mentioned a waiting list. The third choice (MFL specialist) did: she is number 8 (we are not in the catchment area).

I finally got the LA by email yesterday (calling has not been working) as they finally answered my question as to whether our third choice had declined or not (I called third choice school long ago to verify). They said they that they had sent a letter back on the 20th and re-sent it yesterday with a booklet about what to do from here.

I'm going to wait and see if things are any better today, see what the letter says (hope to get it today) and then call LA and school as needed tomorrow. I'll appeal to school 1 and also find out which other schools might have places.

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