How do I allow my DD to look smart yet 'ungeeky' in school uniform?

I agree with the majority on here. Leave her something to rebel against.

I have 3 DDs at secondary (and a 4th at primary). The uniform is very strict - blazers, ties, kilts, no make up etc.

The only concession I have made is that I took up their skirts to sit ON the knee, as the school shop ones came to about 3 inches BELOW the knee (my DDs are blessed with being exceptionally short and tiny of waist). The rules state 'knee length' so they are still keeping the rules IMO, and as all of their friends seem to have them well above the knee at mid-thigh, I thought below the knee was harsh.

I tend to turn a blind eye to a bit of mascara or an untucked shirt, but they know that if they are caked in makeup they will be stopped en route out of the door.

I have caught them doing some serious skirt rolling, and I'm almost certain that DD1 and DD2 take makeup to school with them. If I see them they get told that they are responsible for the consequence at school, and asked to unroll the skirt/wash their faces. When I've caught DD1 with her skirt eyewateringly short, she got grounded. Similarly, if the school contacts me (they send letters home) or I get told at Parent's Evening that they look a mess, they get grounded. Otherwise a comment usually suffices.

At the end of the day though, I'd rather have a stern word and/or have to ground them for rolling a skirt than for having a crafty cigarette or slacking on homework. Uniform rebellion is not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.

Leave her to it. School will sort it.

My DD was always pushing the boundries with her uniform. No tie so the shirt buttons had to be undone to as low a level as possible, regulation skirt rolled up as she was walking down the road etc. Sometimes you need to give your kids something to rebel against OP as if it's something simple like uniform then hopefully it won't be any of the more serious matters! I'm my children's mother not their friend & it was never up to me to tell them how to fight against the system, that's something they learn over time. In fact I recall how my daughter started off in year 7 looking so smart & coming home on about day 3 dressed identically to all the other rebels which I found quite humourous. Do you think DD knew that though? NO!

I would leave it to her to work out for herself. The school will let her know if she does anything they don't approve of. I wouldn't give it any thought at all unless the school contact you.

My DD is not allowed to wear tight jeggings style trousers to school but wanted to buy some that seemed a bit border line to me. I told her it was up to her completely but if she found she was'nt allowed to wear them she would have to wear her old ones or pay for anew pair herself. After a two second think she chose some slightly less tight school friendly trousers. This way it's all her responsibility and we are not having to argue about it.

How do you think she might rebel herself if you collude with her over this?

Ties and top buttons are just pointless, if you insist they are done up at home they will be undone 10 seconds down the road.

The one that winds me up is makeup. It is not allowed, but DD gets teased for not wanting to be an orange panda.

Surely on spot prone young skin thick foundation is not a good idea.

Since I never ever did up my top button, I'm not going to tell my DDs to.
Nor am I going to get DD1 a skirt of regulation length, as hers is already one of the longest.
Apart from that I do try to ensure smartness, no make up, no nail vanish, hair brushed and do visible jewellery (yes DD1 I know you've got your pendent on) except studs. Even so DD2 still has a somewhat non school flower clip in her hair for her photo.

The other way to look at it also is what the consequences would be for other children if parents encourage their kids to look cool (as opposed to the kids themselves trying to defy school rules in their own way). I get pretty upset when I hear about the school NOT enforcing the rules I try very hard to, with endless arguments (which I inevitably lose) about DS tucking his shirt in and doing his top button up. I am pretty strict about it and try to enforce it, and DS complains that he gets laughed at by other kids who get away with more. This REALLY pisses me off - not with those other kids' parents but the school's inability to police it. And why should they, since their job is to teach? So it is pretty difficult, especially if other parents encourage challenging the rules. DS has never been actively picked on over it, only gently teased but it upsets me, him and creates this need to be cool when he should not be worrying about it so much. I am sure some children must get more serious teasing and bullying over these issues.

I'm just amazed at year 7's with the energy to mess about with their ties - mine were all exhausted when they started secondary school.

I would probably have delivered a lecture on peer pressure and told her to wear her uniform properly.

I comment that DD seems to have grown as her skirt is getting a bit on the short side, perhaps we need to go the uniform shop, which generally gets it unrolled a couple of times. I point out that as it's the beginning of term, the teachers are more stressy about ties and shirts, and perhaps she could do something about her tie. She knows that it's up to her to try and talk her way out of any detention, and that if she does get one, my response will be a variant on "told you so".

She'd be horrified if I tried to involve myself in her minor rule breaking, as that's not my "job"as her mother, I'm supposed to be po-faced about shirts tucked in and skirt length. But we're fully in agreement re the "orange pandas" - the orange foundation/fake tan + running mascara cool girls - so I figure a blind eye to skirt rolled up twice at the waist, and an extra fold round of the tie is fine.

You are way too involved with this. You can't do your children's rebelling for them, you know

what seeker said!

No, dumbwaitress. You're her mother. You make her leave the house with the button done up. That's your job. She then rebelliously undoes it as soon as she's out of sight. Honestly- this is one of those things where you have to be the grownnup so she has something to kick against.

Is this actually a problem OP? Has your DD said anything?

All three of mine wore their uniform perfectly in year 7 as did most of the other children at their school.

There's a difference between encouraging a kid to wear uniform incorrectly and turning a blind eye as they walk out the door.

If it's tied sensibly around the neck she'll probably get away with it, I'm on the lookout for ties that are swinging around chest level or half undone. If she doesn't, the worst that will probably happen will that she'll be told to do her button up, I reckon. Unless it's a really militant school, (or teacher, and she'll figure out who these are early on).

I think there is a big difference in saying "it's OK not to follow uniform rules" to just knowing they do it, independently. In the latter, if they get caught, you are completely in the clear. In the former, if she ended up in detention, wouldn't you feel bad about encouraging her?

Unless your DD goes to noblegiraffes school, she may well get told off for that, or certainly told to do it up (most good kids get a second chance at our school). However, schools seem to have their own pet issues and top buttons may be issue of the week at her schools. In some cases, teachers have their own pet issues.

I think you are overthinking this and trying to encourage her to break rules. That will really backfire if your lovely daughter gets it in the neck from a teacher or, even worse, the SLT. She may well be quite upset.

Staff at DS's school have been policing top buttons - DS was told off (nicely) on day one.

Bags have to be plain black, no logos.

I'm ensuring he is fully compliant, then if he goes off piste when he is out of sight, that's his risk and his look out. But he and his friends seem to be diong their best to get it right. But it's week one of Yr 7, so we'll see.

I guess there might be room for a cool pencil case - and DS has attached a key ring he likes to his rucsack, to make it identifiable from the 100s of others.

I'm a teacher and while I am hot on shirts being tucked in and ties being done up sensibly, I really couldn't give an arse if the top button is undone - if the tie is high enough you can't really tell, plus some kids rip off the top button. I'm guessing other teachers in my school don't care either as you'll rarely see a top button done up. It just looks uncomfortable!

My DSs school is pretty strict with uniform and as far as I see it my job is to push them in the direction of following the school rules. TBH, I'd see giving in to peer pressure to be less desirable than learning when it's appropriate to follow rules. My DSs are free to bend whatever rules they wish to when they're in school - I can't physically force them to, as you say, do their top button up, but they've got to accept that if they get caught then they take the punishment without whinging and they'll get zero sympathy from me.

I wouldnt actually encourage her to break the rules, if the school is strict anyone with their button undone will just be told to do it up.

Just send her to school the way the school expects, she wont be the only one folowing the rules.

Why on earth would you want to do that? It's her job to push the limits. Not yours!