Year 7 - packing their school bag

STOP IT NOW!
my older children have been doing their own bags and lunches from year 5 onwards. all i say in morning is ' lunch, homework, pe kit etc'

steady on folks - minesawine's DS has been very very unhappy going to secondary in the first week and I promise you on the other thread the OP has been very strong in knowing that he has to tough it out!

Minesawine - I would do it WITH him, talking him through the day in his planner. If you do it for him it might exacerbate the sense that secondary is being done TO him, rather than something he can take control over.

Given the situation, I wouldn't be heavy handed about making him do it, but do it together as if it is a pleasant thing to do. If possible.

Then gradually just make sure he has done it for himself.

Personally I don't think this is the moment for him to be learning the hard way about not having the right book etc. Better to facilitate him knowing that he can do things right for himself, set the day up to be positive and not get a detention for forgotten kit.

I like the sound of a public homework list!

It depends.

Certainly when dd was at the beginning of secondary school, she used to make a list of homework with due dates and the approximate time she thought it would take and she kept that on the family noticeboard, updating it regularly. This was so helpful for everyone- and she kept it up right through to year 11. It meant I didn't expect her to cook dinner on a heavy homework night, or if somebody rang asking her to baby sit or something I usually say whether she could do it or not. And I could gently push if necessary- but it usually wasn't- having it on public display concentrates the mind wonderfully!

Yes you do Viva.

I have never ever packed their bags - yr8 and yr11.

They have to suffer the consequences and learn the hard way if the forget stuff.

We have to sign the homework diary every week; I use this opportunity to berate remind him about any outstanding assignments.

Do I need to stop going through dd's planner as well to check what homework she's got?

minesawine - you are more than welcome! Yes, some people are more, shall we say, judgmental than others, but I believe that we all come on here to see what others think, gain advice, support, help, tips, etc.

Some and for you!

Hope that your DS begins to get himself organised. If he refuses, you can always show him this thread as evidence that everyone else does it!

Showed my new Year 7 DS what to do last week, ref packing bag, looking at timetable etc and now he does it himself. He got a black mark today for forgetting just one of his French books. Next time detention. He also lost a Spanish sheet that he was meant to do for homework today, but otherwise pretty impressed.

Wasn't the OP asking for our opinions? I also agree with MrsMiniversCharlady ....isn't that what this forum is all about?

How can you have an opinion over what other parents do

Mumsnet would be very quiet if nobody had an opinion about other people's parenting

Sheesh :(, it's a bit like seeing big kids in buggies, isn't this? How can you have an opinion over what other parents do, no adult is demanding that you must push (or pack, as it were)?

I have never packed bags for mine. I have taken in forgotten lunches more than once, as I don't want to have to pay for a lunch if she borrows the money (v tight budget), but if she forgets anything else she takes the consequences.

DD1 is now yr 9, and took a fair while to reliably remember everything.
DD2 is yr 7. She has always been the scatty, away with the fairies child, but lays her clothes out and packs her bag for the next day every evening. So far, she is managing very well.

i havent EVER packed a school bag, i will tell them/remind them what they need when little but my elder two who are 10 and 13 pack their own with no input from me.

ds3 is 7 and packs his own, i reminded him to get his swimming kit for tomorrow as he needs it and even my ds4 who is 4 and has just started reception gets his own book bag and puts his packed lunch and drinks bottle in his bag, i tell him too of course but why on earth is a child not capable of putting stuff in a bag?!

shock]
I've heard it all now. I've not packed my dcs bags since they started school! (As in Reception, at 4, not secondary)

I'm not surprised he's overwhelmed if he's never been expected to do anything for himself. Do you wipe his nose for him too ?

Ds1 is packing his own bag, with the help of a checklist - but I have to admit I've been sneakily checking it when he isn't around.

DS1 Y9 has always packed own bag too since about Y4. In fact, he has devised his own organisation solution to this by carrying absolutely everything he needs around with him at all times ... and goes nuts if I go anywhere near his bag. He learned V quickly after the second week when he got detention for forgetting his PE kit and I refused to drive it in, being at work and all...

Your mistake was doing it from the start. Get the timetable on the wall and tell him to do it the night before. If he won't - say 'fine- your decision' and keep out of it- it isn't your problem. I bet he won't go without it packed - if he does he will have to take the consequences. I would use my favourite saying 'what did your last servant die of?'

No, I ask DD to make sure it's packed in the evening. It's her own responsibility.

My DS started Y7 last week and he packs his own bag. We already went through the routine before he started. Come in...10-15 min break (or so), complete any homework set, pack bag for next day, then any other time left is for whatever he wants to do.

So far, he's only had 30 mins of homework. At the beginning of week 2, he's using his timetable I've put on his wardrobe door to check he has what he needs. I prompt him to make sure he's packed his bag by checking with his timetable. Also have to prompt about mobile and bus money, but he's already picking this up now. He also double checks another copy of his timetable that he carries around with him in his blazer pocket (a top tip from school!) every morning.

He has never been the most organised child. If you ask him a question about if he's done something, the usual response is "I dunno".

The biggest thing with the transition from primary to secondary is the level of independence placed on them by school. We need to make sure that we promote this at home too. As others have said, I'll prompt and support but ultimately, it's his responsibility....and he knows the consequences!

How will they learn if they aren't given a chance?

y8 DS is supposed to remember his books (takes lots of nagging), I check the rest. On balance it's the best option for us, even if I do find it tedious (there are perhaps unusual circumstances for DS). I know from experience that DS would forget everything otherwise, have no money for train, consistently pack nothing or only 2 cereal bars for lunch, no pens (would expect to borrow them from mates), no water (would come home in a hysterical tirade from thirst), etc. I suppose I could work towards giving him a list of stuff to do, and try to help him find a routine time to ensure it all happens. But he'd still end up nagging me constantly at some no-doubt very inconvenient moment: "Where's the ham?! Where's the money?! Why don't we have any decent pens?! Where's the bread? Why do I have to do this when you still pack everything for him (reception DS)" etc. And still not bother to fill his water bottle. Easier to just do it myself.

DC2 has been completely self-sufficient & actually double checks anything I pack, tirades at me if she disapproves, since I dunno, start of yr5 probably.

There wasn't anything to pack at primary, other than keys and phone (ds took himself to and from school and let himself in, Y6. Phone was useful for when he wanted to stop off at the park or whatnot on the way home. Cost a tenner).

Secondary is quite different. Three different sports kits, different books each day, packed lunch...

He's just packed his bag. Am resisting urge to check contents