Not being able to afford 'the extras' at private- good reason not to apply?

My experience, being someone who can only just afford the school fees, is that private schools will dump extras on you often with little notice and just assume all parents can afford them. (e.g. extracurricular activities, trips). These are presented as "optional" but all the kids do them so if you opt out you are basically alienating your child. Wish I'd known the true cost of the extras before making the decision to pay for school. If DD was in state edu I could afford "extras" because I wouldn't be paying through the nose just for school.

I think that if their finances are that close to the line, it would be a big risk. I would be more worried about increases in school fees over the course of the [7] years than extras though - fees could easily increase by more than a reasonable allowance for extras.

I agree that state schools also have expensive trips.

State schools, too, seem to make large demands on parents incomes.

All the secondary schools in our town seem to be having a competition regarding who choses the most complex uniform. It used to be sweatshirts and trousers/skirts but each school has implemented a uniform change and its now blazers (the latest school having chosen pin stripes) and flashy rugby/PE kits.

Typical secondary school uniform costs over £200. I do think state schools need to be a bit careful as to how they spend other people's money!

It's also puzzling in a age where what people wear at work is getting more relaxed.

Toilet roll could be a whole discussion on its own....I think we get through at least a roll a day. On holiday we ran out in the night and had to raid the local public toilets for a roll!

This is so dependent on the school. Some are dreadful for it... Everything costs extra - lunch, learning support, academic trips, specialist coaching, 59 types of uniform, breathing...

Others have more things included in fees and sensible policies.

As for overseas trips, it's never a whole year group going and so even if your DC know you can't afford it, not everyone else does iyswim.

Oh and to all the "imagine how your DC will feel..." brigade - DBs and I went through private schools on an assortment of scholarships (when scholarships still had real £ value) knowing full well that there was no way we were going on ski trips and the like. I never felt deprived or disadvantaged in the slightest and cannot recall anyone being teased or any exclusion based on family wealth or lack of it.

Depends on the school. One where only a minority of people go on expensive trips, secondhand uniform is the norm / cool, etc - then not a valid reason to decide against it.

A nasty school where everyone does the trips, uniform is ludicrously overpriced and there is no secondhand option - well, I would hesitate to go for that anyway.

At one (renowned) school which we are considering for DS, I asked a random member of staff what proportion of pupils went on trips (they run lots) - she instantly got why I was asking, and assured me that any given trip will have

Boys like loo roll too I now buy it in industrial quantities along with those 100's of boxes of those really revolting chocolate orange shreddies maybe there's a connection!

OMG - really??/ Someone didnt realise state schools sate GCSE's???

That is just plain ignorance!! Some people (all walks of life) live through such a narrow perspective.

You do have a point ther HappyGardening - even with 2 girls there is a marked difference in the grocery bill in holidays compared to term time. With 2 girls its the shocking amount of loo roll we get through when they are home that shocks me!! .

...and you have to pay for exam entry at private schools, where it is free at state schools (unless a retake).

I have to say, I would never want to waste money on private education (my dh and I did very well academically at our comps.) I would rather have the money to spend on doing nice things with my children and more time (because less of a need to work hard).

I remember the tragedy of getting to university and discovering students whose parents had never had a holiday, made many sacrifices and been poor as church mice so that their children could end up in the same place as those of us whose education had been entirely free. (I even got all my music lessons free!) One friend hadn't even realised that in state schools people sat GCSEs!

SoggySummer you need to look at the bigger picture. i live with these strange creatures vultures x with locusts very cleverly disguised as teenage boys. I must be Ocado's best customer as my food bill seems to be enormous. When the delivery arrives the boys circle the bags before I unpack them grabbing choice items and then when its unpacked proceed to devour every item they come across. They've eaten 5 boxes of breakfast cereal since Monday and one will eat 10 apples as a snack before breakfast and a bag of pasta as a midnight snack AND STILL STAY STICK THIN!?!?!?!?! . One goes back to boarding school this weekend (having purchased enough tuck to feed a small army) Ocado may be disappointed but my bank balance will look much healthier.
You also save money on petrol, sports kits for outside sports clubs etc and sweets drinks cinema trips etc.

Maybe boarding school is different as you need serious money for just the basics.

My DD has just started at secondary private school and we thankfully get financial assistance through the continuity education allowance through DHs job. Without this we could not afford it. Even with our low contribution towards the fees we struggle to pay the extras.

DD has been back at school 3 days and so far I know £400 has been added to the bill for the end of term. Thats a foreign languages trip and an activity day. She has not yet decided what clubs to join and as she is a boarder there will be a few. It adds up quickly and tbh - we have to really make some serious lifestyle choices to accommodate this. She wants to continue with singing and guitar lessons but at her new school its £245 a term per instrument/discipline. Thats £200 a term more than her old school so we have told her she needs to choose. Much as I am gutted at this - its just a stretch too far.

I worry about the implications of her being offered all this wonderful stuff and only being able to partake in a limited amount.

So I can understand fully why people would choose not to bother with private at all.

Depends on the school. We have found uniform a bit more expensive, but good second hand shop. Lunches, books, stationery & curriculum day trips (5 this year!) all included. I have spent more on day trips for DS2 in state primary on day trips in the last year.
Residentials obviously cost more. One was compulsory but it was made clear that if you couldn't afford it subsidy may be available. DS1 also went on a language trip overseas which GPs paid for. We have said no to the ski trips etc. TBH you get the same sort of trips at state secondaries these days, e.g. my local comp does an annual trip to New York. Not everyone goes!
You do hear this a lot 'I can't afford the extras' 'Everyone else will be really rich & DC will feel left out' etc. I suppose it depends on the school but not true IME.

That must vary too then, although I've only done private secondary school.

We didn't have to buy books or stationary at my dcs school.

Many kids don't go on trips. The uniforms cost more, mainly the blazer though, plus you have to buy all the exercise books. I suspect your friend is telling you a half truth though. I doubt not being able to afford optional trips would be a reason not to apply for many, sounds like they couldn't really afford it and were happy with the state alternative.

Extras means osmehting different and different schools.

DD's school is shocking for them. This year she had three residentiual trips and three theatre trips. All 'optional'. But all in term time during the school day...so waddya gonna do?
Also uniform can only be purchased in the school shop at silly prices.

DS's school is quite different. Trips are in holiday times so no pressure and much of the uniform can be got in M&S.

ski trips aren't compulsory. ds1 had a bursary and 2 scholarships so we definitely couldn't do the trips other than the 3 days in Paris just before his gcse french oral. most children go on the trips at his school but there are always one or two who don't.

Would grandparents be able to contribute to any smaller trips such as theatre visits or WW1 battlefields?

Lots of children at DS's prep school don't go on any of the trips / holidays. Some children go on everything they can providing there is space. As mirry2 says above, there are often only say 40 spaces for the France trip, and inevitably lots of children end up missing out on a place. I have never known only 1 child not go on a trip.

The most expensive trip his school offers is a week in France (WW2 sites, not skiing) at just under £400. Compare this to the state comprehensive nearby, offering a trip to China at £2k per pupil. Surely inaccessible to the majority?

I don't know what schools you are talking about but as I said before, there are usually far too many children and too few places so lots of children will be disappointed. Apart from that private schools are not just for the rich any more. You will find that people on fairly low incomes will send their children to private schools. They're not only for princess, lords and ladies and people who drive bentleys

Imagine how your son/daughter would feel if they were the one child who couldn't go.

Depends how you bring your kids up. Hes not stupid and knows hes very very lucky to get all the other stuff even if he cant do a lot of what others do.

Happily Has it exactly right giving modern teens the childhood experience you'd like while still being able to afford a reasonable life style for the Mum, Dad and younger siblings makes private education a bridge too far.

Had I got a job when they started school and saved every penny, not used any for holidays or fun. May-be we'd have scrapped high school fees. May be not. I don't think the DDs would have enjoyed mum working, DD1 would have hated after school care.

My parents lived like that just to survive. I saw the toll counting every half penny took on my Mum. DHs parents weren't rich, but they did go on holiday and they'd happily stop at a cafe for tea and cake. Seems daft, but it's those little things I'd miss.

The extras add up quickly if you are in private or state. Some people forget about the cost of getting to school - bus or train fare, add in school lunches, music lessons, club fees, extra tutoring usual birthday pressies and it soon adds up. Growing kids do equal new kit. Sixth Form will be worse with the pressure of driving lessons and such.

Many of my friends opted for a good state so that they can throw money at the extras - better that than being the poor church mouse at private