Single-sex boarding schools

Bonsoir just intrigued what were the differences you found between the girls and boys boarding houses? I have had a DD at a single sex school and a DS at a coed and their houses were remarkably similar. Interestingly you mention that at this school they only sleep in their houses what do they do for the rest of the time? At both my DC's schools they were back at house at lunchtime and of course after school. One of them was also allowed back in spare lessons to study in their rooms. So they actually spent much of their time in their Houses.

When we chose our schools we were not looking for a particular type of school for our DCs. Infact for our DD our final 2 consisted of a girls school and a coed. What we were looking for was a school to suit her. She left a few years ago and we are still happy that we made the correct choice for her. She doesn't appear to hold sexist views. She just seems to believe if you work hard you have a chance to succeed whether you are male or female.

I agree with a previous poster that noted that even at single sex schools there is lots of mixing with other schools so they are not segregated all the time!

HG that's very true about ghastly parents and their DCs. They exist at boarding and day schools.

I'm not sure he's totally "right on" I just dont think he's any more sexist than any other child walking down the road. In fact I find it hard to believe that in this day and age there are many sexist children out there. Boarding schools obviously have huge influence on a child's personality but perhaps it's easy to over estimate the influence. I suspect they fan existing views and beliefs rather than completely changing them. They are only at school about 32 weeks of the year as I've said above I actually believe parents in particular mothers have the biggest influence over a child's values. IME experience ghastly children whether they be boarding or not generally have ghastly parents.

I'm not sure he's totally "right on" I just dont think he's any more sexist than any other child walking down the road. In fact I find it hard to believe that in this day and age there are many sexist children out there. Boarding schools obviously have huge influence on a child's personality but perhaps it's easy to over estimate the influence. I suspect they fan existing views and belief rather than con

Seven years of boarding down the road and I don't think it's a true generalisation to say that boarding makes children more independent as they go about their daily lives; frankly it is inevitable. Boarding children do not experience the same level of adult supervision as a child in an average nuclear family receives and how ever well staffed will have been expected to shift for himself in a way that those not at a boarding school won't have been. I personally have no problem with this and also believe that my DS's effortless adaptability an essential requirment of 21st living has arisen because of boarding but perhaps these tendencies were already there.

Of course separating boys from girls is going to increase not decrease ideas of difference. This is where the problem lies.

Hg, I'm sure your DC is totally right on. However, for less enlightened boys/girls/families single sex reinforces stereotypes.

It's impossible generalise. Every boarding school is different as I suspect you've discovered all will make grand claims. IME experience and I believe are important factors to take into consideration are that some are more liberal than others and some unbelievably old fashioned standards of pastoral care also vary. I wouldn't worry about promoting sexism or not this would be low down on my list of must haves if I was choosing again.

Bonsoir you seem very critical of boarding yet your comments imply little or no direct experience! Obviously all children at boarding schools are different and although may share some values will also have many differences. Boarding does in my now extensive experience engender tolerance of difference because when you live in a tight knit community you discover so much more about them than you ever would at any day school. My DS has made friends with boys who in a day school he might not have done because he has had an opportunity to see and understand boys beyond his first impressions which may or may not always be a favourable one.
Parents to are mixed although in my experience are generally pretty ambitious for their children although this may just be a reflection of the
type of schools we choose and I doubt there are many raging feminists.

I am not sure I made it a 'blanket truth'. I don't believe in blanket truths. I would never suggest that boarding schools engender independence (nor even that that would be desirable, necessarily) but those of my adult friends who are public school educated (given, they are my friends so I like them) are not sexist and have successful partners whom they have supported to achieve their own (in some cases higher achieving) ambitions. You said earlier you were curious about the values of families who chose single sex boarding. That suggested to me that you might think that there is a blanket truth about them. In my experience, there isn't.

It would be stupid of me to suggest that a boarding school is a microcosm of society, but there is certainly a pretty fair variation within them - admittedly largely in interests and nationality. Having commenced at my fifth expat posting on a 5th continent and met people from all those communities using UK boarding schools, there is variety of a sort.

Anyway, I am not especially an apologist for boarding schools. A decent school is just that and I feel convinced that the greater influence by far derives from the family structure imprinted upon us during childhood.

We as a family have strong individual opinions and are not afraid to tell each other what we think about others interests so my DS has no doubt about my particular view on his passion obviously finding me fast asleep on a chair in a museum only reinforced this view. But by attending a museum I have absolutely no interest in I believe I am encouraging him to realise that life is about give and take and that he needs to make make concessions and be tolerant not only to female interests but mens interests even as well. Life in general is about respecting others and their individual interests and even trying to show an interest regardless of whether they be male or female and also not being afraid to be different and swim against the tide. Luckily I haven't bee invited to another recent trip to what to my mind looks like an identical museum!!

Surely living in a boarding community implies compromise and submitting to the wishes and preferences of others sometimes? Girls and boys and their interests are not so astoundingly different that it will take a great leap of imagination for a boy socialized largely with other boys to accommodate another person's wishes.

"Most importantly for us he feels free to be the person he wants to be."
By this I mean free to pursue those things that particularly interest him; one in particular is almost exclusively a "male thing" I fell asleep when visiting a museum devoted to his passion and the other is usually one that more women are interested in. Not being a team sport player all his sporting interests are played equally by men and women and in fact he goes abroad doing one with a equal mix of boys and girls.
I'm sorry to disappoint those who believe boys only full boarding schools are a breeding ground for male chauvinists I do not expect to find him now or in the future to be sexist any more than than I expect to find now him or in the future to be a racist (something I personally feel very strongly about).
anotherteacher is right boarding school have changed considerably in the last 10 - 15 years many peoples experiences are either totally out of date or based on pre conceived ideas which are underpinned with second hand anecdotal crap evidence.

Quite a bit of discussion re boarding schools is a bit out of date. The modern world cannot be kept out of schools in the way it once might have been. This can cause significant pastoral problems when staff are in loco parentis, but I don't believe there is the isolation from the opposite sex or the world that is suggested. For a start, few schools now have sixth formers who remain cloistered at weekends.

When they attended a highly competitive co-ed day school, my daughters used to get up 20 mins early to put make up on. When we went overseas they went to a girls' boarding school. Now they don't apply makeup for school. Life is much easier when you don't have panda eyes by lunchtime and after PE.

Today's article, linked below by Rachel Johnson, about end of term at Marlborough suggests time spent on looks is not confined to single sex girls' schools. I would say there is far less fuss at my daughters' equivalent event - perhaps because there are fewer boys?

www.telegraph.co.uk/family/9373117/Girls-today-are-so-glamorous-but-theres-a-price-to-be-paid.html

I have taught extensively in co-ed schools and in two boys' schools, one an outstanding comp (ex grammar) and one which was socially very selective but with a huge ability range. (day school) I didn't find the boys sexist except where they were simply being adolescent and learning how to behave. I generally found them interested to learn and keen to discuss and ask questions about relationships and feamle perspectives, many of which they would not have asked in front of girls. There is less inclination to show off if no girls are around and discussions were frank.

I don't have strong feelings either way - I think it is the quality of the school that is important, not the single or mixed sex aspect, though I understand anyone who feels the set up is unnatural and would not want single sex education.

However, the idea that there is more anorexia etc in girls' schools is not especially true in my experience, once you have taken into account the competitive nature of families who send their children to high-achieving schools. There is also a certain amount of affluent neglect in some families with children who board and other family issues (quarrelling parents etc) - money changes aspects of children's problems, but problems there are.

I would say from my observations that it is family issues and pressures that most frequently lead to MH problems (anorexia/self-harm etc) and the schools have to deal with the fallout sometimes with parental support but not always. I find the girls themselves generally make fine and stalwart confidantes and supporters of each other.

Sundae as you said "I would be tempted by Eton or Winchester because of the extraordinary learning experiences," it is just that and this is the reason that we choose it. There is no equivalent coed school my DS has blossomed in a way he never did in his coed prep. I cant honestly say if this has anything to do with it being boys only although I susoect it does but it certainly works for him. Most importantly for us he feels free to be the person he wants to be.

I have no doubt that the school will be hugely influential in his life but there is one woman who will influence his views on women more; his mum. I have shown that both men and women are equally capable and deserve equal respect.

I went to an all girls school boarding until 13 then the local co ed comp.

I dont recall much sexism or sterotyping much at my girls school but was very aware when I joined my co ed comp that I was not as into my looks as my new friends were. Within 2 months of joining I had gone from being rather tom boyish and into riding, hockey and athletics to shopping in Tammy Girl, make up, perms and hairspray. But then maybe that was just an teen age issue.

My DD is moving from her co ed prep BS to an all girls BS in September. We didnt specifically choose all girls above co ed - we liked the school and felt it offered DD alot of the things she is into and it felt right for her. We looked at lots of schools and the all girls/Co ed thing was not really ever much of a consideration on our list.

Life hasn't moved on that much. To send the message that girls and boys should be separated for either to do well is to encourage them to believe the extent of their differences is greater than the reality. This can increase sexism.

I've got DSs and I've already said that I would be tempted by Eton or Winchester because of the extraordinary learning experiences, so please don't take this too far, hg. It's been my experience that single sex education is in general not a good idea for the individual and definitely not for society.

Whoops, pressed send too soon.

Are not sexist. One of the most respected teachers at Ds's school is an internationally respected physicist. The boys are very very proud of her and speak of her with awe. The art dept is proud of its record sending boys to top art schools. They do mfl in droves. The drama is very good too. There is a hen club. The hens are lovely. The sport is really good too. But it caters for all sorts and you get admiration for being excellent at whatever it might be, derision for being a sexist lout.

It's not quite so old as Happy's school but certainly will have provided administrators for the Empire. Things have changed.

I completely agree with Happy.

We considered several schools for Ds, state and private, boarding and day, single sex and mixed. His primary level and form teacher from a mixed school were very clear that single sex would be sensible for him, and we came to that conclusion too.

Our final choices were Happy's Ds' school and the one he is now at. Of course there is a bit of joshing from time to time as he knows how to wind up his feminist mum but the schools, and I know them both as he has cousins at the other

SundaeGirl I'm interested in your comments "boys peers and competitors are all male and it is against them that the boy learns how he measures up." perhaps you could expand on this because I'm not sure what you mean.

"High praise for all traditional males values" what sort of values are you talking about?
"prizes and sports and tradition" my DS's school is a little older than 1980's but again I'm not really sure what you mean. The school don't value the things that appeal to and absorb teen girls and so would rather not divert resources and dilute identity with those things.
"The school don't value the things that appeal to and absorb teen girls and so would rather not divert resources and dilute identity with those things. Not difficult for a teen boy to pick up on and convert into... Sexism." This is not what I meant when I said boys schools understand boys. It is widely accepted that boys learn differently from girls and at boys schools education is put across in a way that boys find particularly accessible. Many talk on MN about girls not being encourage to do sciences but what about boys not pursuing art and MFLs. In my DS1 mixed comp in art GCSE girls significantly out number boys many boys only take a MFL because they have no choice but at DS2 boys only boarding school lots take two or three MFL's, the art dept is far more popular that the DT dept. Also what things appeal to teen girls that would "divert recourses and dilute identity?" Some sports; netball maybe, extra curricular activities sewing embroidery cooking although at my DH old boys only school there is a thriving cooking club. Life has moved on Sundae I think you would find your experience of school has nothing in common with the experiences of boys currently in boys only boarding schools.

DD was a day pupil at a all girls boarding school. DS was a boarder at a co-ed boarding school. DD & DS say you get pupils of both sexes with eating disorders so can't see it being a single sex school thing. Also schools are much better at pastoral care now so the issues that happened in the last should not be such of an issue now..., or at least they're dealt with earlier.