please help!

"I'm going to be controversial here and say I actually think an anti bullying policy is one of the most important things in a school."

I agree. DD's school is only satisfactory, but it takes a strong stance against bullying. Unfortunately DD encountered some bullying that reduced the little confidence she had to zero and the school was brilliant about it. Academically I can't complain about the work DD has done in year 7 and has exceeded expectations in English and maths (just got her end of year report).

My dd once saw something unpleasant written about her friend. The friend doesn't have facebook etc. I reported the post to the school, school took it very seriously and girl's parents were called in, mobile taken away from her etc
DD's friend never ever knew about it and as far as i am aware doesn't to this day, but it would have been very hurtful to her to have found it.

Oh I agree on that, a thoughtless remark is easily made, and the OP should def try to get in touch with the school again just to set her mind at rest that the school is fine (as it most probably is).

mumtoAG Oh yes I agree it is very important but as mummytime says it could have been a foolishly flippant remark by a thoughtless teacher & need checking out especially if everything else about the school is OK for the OP & her DD.

I just find it sad that there is a need for so much intervention by the schools & families over bloody FB etc it is the kids street corner & it should be a fun part of growing up & yes there will be fallings out along the way but why does it have to get so nasty ?

Hope you get your questions answered & DD settles in Ok either in this school or another one.

I'm going to be controversial here and say I actually think an anti bullying policy is one of the most important things in a school. shelter myself from imminent blows . I guess not just the policy but how it is implemented. A school that is not willing to tackle bullying is surely a school that is not willing to tackle poor behaviour? This is never going to be a school where students are going to be rewarded (and not teased) for doing well, either behaviourally, academically or socially. Obviouosly I wouldn't chose a school for DC that had a poor academic record etc with great bullying policy, but I think it shouldn't be underestimated.

Why should the victim have to delete their accounts? No way would I tell mine to hide away from the bullies.

The Bullies are the ones in the wrong and should be dealt with by the school IMO

blu - at the risk of being pedentic, if a dc was doing gcse then he /she would be underaged.

In any case, the teacher was making a non specific comment about cyber bullying. As far as I am aware, the teacher is not saying that the school will do nothing if a DC is pushed to the point where the DC is suicidal.

Has anybody actually put it is the most important thing when choosing a school -the bullying policy ??

APMF - that sort of thing is typical for cyber bullying. It isn't someone having a 2 way conversation on FB where they each have a rational disagreement but with added name calling. And it may not involve illegal sexual material, but still be can be vicious and designed to spread humiliating material through evryone's phones, on YouTube....

And would the example I gave be OK then if the victim was not underage, but doing GCSEs, as long as she doesn't turn on her computer?

APMF cyber bullying is not just someone saying something mean to you in a chat room. It is people texting you, sending you images, sending your images (possible after being photoshopped) to others. I would suggest you find out about sites like "Little Gossip" and if you think some of the comments on there are not harmful even if the person "gossiped" about never goes to the site or see the comments.

Children who never use technology could be victims of cyber-bullying, as long as they know people who do. Kids can set up facebook pages etc. in the names of other people (why do you think Celebs worry about this).

What if one of your kids went into school one day and everyone was giving them odd looks? And people didn't want to sit next to them? Or the people who were suddenly friendly to your DD were the sleazey boys? Would you think the school should intervene when it appeared that someone had posted something nasty on a website (eg. Julie had a 4 some)? Would you take it to the police?

It is part of a schools responsibility to prepare their pupils for life, which includes educating them about ways they may break the law, or be victims, and what to do about it.

OP I would contact the school and find out their cyber-bullying policy and if this is a general school wide opinion (in which case I would be very very concerned) or a case of one member of staff saying something without thinking.

Anyone else find it sad that the most important thing about a school is it's bullying policy here?

Of course its very important that the school has a robust policy in place but that would not be my priority in choosing a school.

Also I agree with APMF - I have always discussed with my DDs what is acceptable behaviour with friends. If they were being bullied on FB or by text I would report the offenders + delete the accounts, their true friends could come over or ring the home phone to stay in touch.

. They then start again after a uwhile with a new account or number +FB security set so high only certain friends can be added.

OP by all means clarify the policy but look at the bigger picture,

APMF, you've obviously done really well to raise well rounded children who can cope when friendships get difficult.

But unfortunatley not all children cope well, school's do and should step in when girls (and boys) are bitching (perhaps more than just an off comment - but something that is causing upset). Perhaps initially just to encourage them (often much in the same way as you have) how to resolve or deal with conflict, but also then to monitor it, to ensure that bitching doesn't get to a point where a child/children are unhappy over a period of time.

This response should be both offline and on line as part of theri duty of care.

APMF
My post was actually about someone (quite probably a loony adult) taking the trouble to IMPERSONATE a child on FB as a means of bullying my daughter on her birthday. There were various other connected incidents such as a humilating video of another child ending up on YouTube.

Yes, the school did feel it was their problem. There are anti cyber bullying clauses written into their behaviour contracts with the students. There were a number of other incidents not concerning my family and the school took them seriously.

It wasn't just girls or boys bitching about someone, but seemed to be a nasty and rather sinister campaign against certain children.

I'd write to the Head and ask for clarification on their bullying policy. Kids are plugged into the internet and it forms a huge part of their social life in a way we 'oldies' don't really understand. If the school policy is reflected in the teachers comments then I'd have real concerns. If the teacher is just an idiot then I'd be less worried (every school has their dud teachers).

That is such a mindboggling thing to say and totally irresponsible imo. So I switch on my computer and am subjected to a mindless bully and it is me who is supposed to switch off my computer !! ?? And then be told it is my fault for using the internet. What if bullying happens in the school would it then be the victims fault for going to school ?? That said is probably just his opinion but would question his whole teaching methods I am afraid if he says such things.

Beingfluffy - Recently DD fell out with a friend. That friend then told lies about DD to their mutual friends. DD's real friends obviously didn't believe these lies. As for her other 'friends' that did, well, it showed that they weren't real friends in the first place so DD didn't waste any time worrying about what these girls thought about her.

My DCs are similar to me in that they aren't too concerned about what non-friends are saying about me/them. Perhaps that is why I find it difficult to empathize with the OP.

In any case, do you really expect the school to step in because a some girls are being bitchy about another?

What if you were being bullied by your work colleagues online and not just anonymous internet sprites?

@tether - Well, if a post starts - APMF is such a twat then one doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to predict what follows from that post or from that poster's future post.

What one teacher says can't necessarily be taken as the opinion of the school. But it is really concerning that you've tried to be in touch to talk about it and no ones got back to you. Try to get in touch again to clarify the sort of suppport school gives should bullying of any kind occur. Do you have an email address of DC new form tutor? They would be in a good position to help.

The internet is big part of teenagers lives, they should be able to use it without being bullied.

Here, here usualsuspect. Bullying is just wrong and should never be justified.