daughter banned from her Prom, very unfair headteacher

Just checked with my DD and she said that if you were persistent in either of those things at her old school would would've been banned from the Prom. She said any after school detention in Year 11 would've led to an automatic ban.

Yes, you need more detail from the school - how can they just say 'we can discuss it but we will not change our minds about the ban" ??

Is anyone else thinking this has something to do with her getting on too well with the head of year? - sorry I do not wish to cast aspersions but it is just something that is screaming out from the page.

Maybe, if it was persistent and she didn't respond to requests to stop being late to lessons, they felt it was the only threat left to them?

Do you know if any other children have been banned? How does your dd rate her behaviour against theirs? Or are there children that are considered to be the naughty ones in the year - have they been banned? Anything to see if your dd is being singled out or not (ie if head banned everyone who had more than 4 detentions from the prom and your dd has five then not much you can do other than set up a different not-prom for everyone not going to the actual prom. But if kids that have had lots more detentions than your dd or who have been suspended for part of the year etc are going then it is very different).

Is it worth speaking to head of year if he was under the impression that your dd was going - would they be able to give any reasons of how things have changed to make the head so adamant that she won't be going? Any chance head could have mixed your dd up with someone else?

You need to get full detailed account from school about exactly WHAT incident and WHICH behaviour made this ban come into effect.

I would speak to DD before though and ask her for her full account of what led to this and see if she can recall anything she was pulled up on and warned about not being able to attend the prom.

Kids lie. Especially when they think they are are in trouble. You need to be frank with your DD and ask her to be honest and frank with you, explaining you cannot possibly "defend" her or "fighte her corner" if you are not in full possession of the facts. Tell her - where as you are willing to go to te school to try and resolve matters - you will be in no position to persuade the school to let her go if they come out with some facts you are niot aware of.

She may have nothing to hide and may have already told you all she knows, but teens are teens and dont be shocked or suprised if she is keeping a few key facts from you.

The few occassions I have needed to go to school to resolve issues with my DDs I always make it clear to them I will be mightily peeved and cross (and reluctant in future to stick my neck out for them) if they dont tell me the WHOLE truth first, leaving me ti be embarrassed when confornted with info they didnt tell me upfront. So far its worked.

Dear Scruffy

You and your dd are probably really really upset.
My advice is to support her and IGNORE the prom. Take her out on the day to somewhere special (eg the theatre) The prom will be a huge let down for those who go anyway.

You wont win if you battle with the teachers and prolonging the agony will just mean dd will remember the pain for longer.

I bet dd hid Letters

Missing a prom is a very important deal for a 16 year old.
When is the prom?
When is the meeting with the Head?

If you DD very much wants to still go,maybe now everything is looming,she will tell you what she may have done or been up to?

Your DD must have some idea surely?

Schools do not do this sort of thing lightly as they know there will sometimes be flak. Can your daughter be a pain in the arse at times?

If you wish to take issue, make sure you are very sure of your facts. Because I can assure you that the school will have not made such a decision without documented evidence

Until you know what she has done, you can't know if they are being unfair or not.

They should tell you, though, and they can't be expected to take into account that you bought an outfit over 8 weeks ago. Does your dd have no explanation of why this ban could have been put in place?

Whether or not they are right to ban her from prom, it is wrong not to tell you until you have spent a lot of money on a dress and shoes.

I think you need to ask for a clear explanation of what behaviour has led to this ban, whether any warnings were given to your dd (of the 'one more incident will mean no prom' kind) and if so, whether she flouted them. But be prepared to hear that she has behaved badly and doesn't deserve to go to the prom.

Have you been informed of any poor behaviour? seems a bit ott to ban her unless it was seriously bad behaviour

When my DDs were at high school the prom was organised by the students and teachers were not involved, although they were invited so the head teacher would not have been able to ban anyone. Is you DDs prom organised by the teachers?