So IF you had tons of wong, would you send em private?

Umm, wouldn't move them now, and having seen how they've developed over time I think they are at the right school for them (superselective grammar).

BUT that is because of the way the local system influences the local schools- the top academically able cohort are at the grammars (why pay if you get a state place, even if you can do so) then the slightly less able are at the indies (only know 1 person who turned down a grammar place for her son in favour of an indie place).. THe comps are very vocational and are good at that for the kids who suit that way of learning- they aren't so good for the able but not high flighig kids though.

At 11 I'd have said indie if we could have done, simply because I'd hate them to be "struggling" at grammar school and I really , honestly had no idea at that point if they were academically good or very able.

As it's turned out , luckily I guess , they are/have (DD1 has left school now) taking it all in their stride.

Naiively, 8yrs into having kids at superselective schools it's only just dawned on my that lots of them aren't only tutored hard for the exams, but are then tutored to keep up at school- that would be a horrid situation to be in I think.

We had a horrible choice to make with and on behalf of DD2- she got a good academic scholarship to a local independent- but they wanted us to sign up to keep her there till 18, and we (fortunately correctly I think) rather thought she'd be better at grammar. But that was really difficult. I think if it'd been the eldest and we had no experience of the girl's grammar i wouldhave been near impossible.

I am very aware that DH was privately educated and is clearly a lovely chap and very able, but felt he was always a lesser person academically than a lot of his friends, whereas I went to a very ordinary comp in the early 1980's and achieved academically only by the sweat of my brow and the fortune to have a best mate who was even brighter than me. We both sat 4 A levels (against the schools wishes).... she went to Cambridge and I studied my course at uni- both "great successes for the school " (boo hiss!) as we were the first to do either in the history of the school!

i find plenty of people who have gone to comps, but in the years after only associated with other educated people...amounting to a very similar thing.

you will never rub shoulders with 'all walks of life' at school, because you're all kids...

Not sure - I would hate for my DC to feel that sort of pressure.

I would consider it if they had SEN and needed the extra help though.

Both kids started off in state primary rated outstanding by OfstEd. There is no comparison with the education they are receiving in inde schools. FWIW there is also quite a mix of kids at both schools, lots of parents living very simply to pay fees, and lots on bursaries. best decision we ever made, wish I'd had the chance of an education like they are recieving. Both DH and I went to huge comprehensives where it was easy to get lost in the system. All that said each to their own and no one way is best for all children or their families.

Bashful, I work in one and my DDs go to another, and I would say it hasn't changed really. We are not super posh (can't be, I'm from the Colonies) and not many of the girls I come into contact with are either. Super rich some of them yes, but that of course is not the same thing.

Yes and yes, unless I still lived in Canada with all my dosh (Wong???) and then probably no.

Don't know how this holds up now, but in my day going to a private London day school there just wasn't a chance of only coming into contact with poshos. And it was not considered cool to be posh either.

Suspect this might have changed - does anyone know?

Meanwhile the most socially adept person I know went to Eton - he's clearly posh, but he can engage with anyone - no hint of superiority.

Might be weird, but it isn't usual

But there is plenty of people on less than £100k at private school so that's just weird.

No.

But if I hadn't found the schools I have, I may have tried the independent schools near us.

Every day I am amazed at how brilliant my DCs schools are. I know I am very lucky that my children receive the education I want them to have. I don't really rate the the independent schools around here, but if I lived somewhere else (London) I probably wouldn't think twice about sending my DC to independent schools)

The only criticism I have is that DS1's senior school doesn't have a swimming pool (The juniors use the pool at an independent senior school within walking distance), and that the juniors don't wear blazers and boaters/caps. I do like a cute uniform.

It's not about being able to "talk" to people
in some kind of a paternalistic hug-a-hoodie Cameron kind of way, but about having some insight into and understanding about normal people - I've met plenty of private educated people who have none and I really object to the word plebs my ex (private education, rolling in it) thought my family was an example of poverty / he once said "there wasn't much money about when you were a kid was there?" our family income was about 100k and we went on skiing holidays... He is not the only specimen I have come across with such a distorted view

Me too (well from a poor background).

But many iof my peers felt and still do feel very uncomfortable with anyone different. Anyone remotely middle class is considered posh, up themselves etc

I'm poor and talk to anyone tbh.

yellow I've met lots of poor people who can't speak to amyone out of their economic social circle.

usual - you guessed! Yes he wears a comedy nose and dark glasses (and makes her call him "My Lord")

Does he visit in disguise though?

Bronze - me too, married to a posho for 15 years now.

Not only was I state educated, but my Mum still lives in a Council House, AND guess what?? Sometimes he visits her with me. In her council house!!! Imagine that!

I went to a (small) private school, and feel very comfortable mixing with all sorts of people - but I have that kind of family, and grew up in a Uni town with a very international population. I'm also half not-English.

I suspect family background is more responsible for a child's difficulty in mixing with one or t'other social group than school can ever be.

But some schools tend to attract the more flexible sort of families in the first place, I suppose.

I've met plenty of privately educated people who were basically unable to talk to anybody who wasn't in their income bracket, actually.

And one who was actually shocked that I went to a state school.

I love this idea that privately educated people have no idea how to mix with the plebs. I'm a state school educated person who has been married to a privately educated person for the last ten years.
Having said that we just had an argument about who sang 'I owe you nothing' and I was right so his education was obviously lacking in other ways.

I'd only do it for 6th form boarding. The private day schools round here are nothing special and the state schools compare favourably to them.

I would keep it as a back-stop option for if things went wrong in the school he's at and I needed to find an alternative fast and local.

Otherwise - no.

There are things I would do if I had unlimited dosh and things I wouldn't. Holiday cottages in choice favourite locations - yes, expensive cars and designer handbags, no.

Just to say I think there is sometimes a misconception that private education means you grow up only able to talk to posh people. I was privately educated and so was DH, and we are both pretty much able to get on with all sorts of different people. In fact if anything he's more comfortable with the less posh ones (don't think he loved his school so maybe that's why...)

I went to a good very large comprehensive - I got a great education and I loved it. A lot less pressure on me than there would have been in a super-selective private (and I was always top set). I had a broad range of friends from a broad range of backgrounds, and now I'm in a profession where I have to deal with people from all walks of life on a daily basis I'm really glad that I had those experiences. I truly believe that the best education you can get is in a big decent comprehensive and that is what I really want for my DSs (both still primary) but sadly where we live you have to pray to get in (my religion but I resent it!) and DS1 is severely dyslexic, so I'm not sure yet whether the (frankly outstanding) comp on our doorstep will be the best thing:(

I'm pretty scared of whether my children will be people I understand as adults if I do send them for secondary. They're in private prep to deal with the dyslexia (started in the state sector, moved DS when he started talking about self-harm :( and I was telling them only this morning - going to private school doesn't make you better - it's just a choice we're making because of dyslexia. DS1 seems to be pretty socially aware, so I hope I'm getting away with the compromise I've made...