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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Has anyone ever moved their DC to a different school and it not worked out?

111 replies

Sparklingbrook · 15/05/2012 17:23

Very briefly, DS (nearly 13) not settled at High School after starting in September. I have looked round a school today that was v nice, has places and seemed more suited.He has friends there. It's 12 miles away though.

Ideally I would like to move him but it's a huge commitment, travel wise.

However if he doesn't settle there-then what? DH not terribly in favour either.

Decisions, decisions. Sigh

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 17/05/2012 07:30

Well the taster day is next week.

DH is still a bit sceptical. He thinks DS will go for the day, say he loves it and wants to move. Then when the start date arrives he will be 'I don't want to go'.

Who knows?

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 20:47

That's good then. He will still get invited to parties, cinema etc even though you live a bit further away. You will just spend a lot of time as unpaid taxi driver :)

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 20:34

Some of his current friends are a bit flaky TBH. He plays sport with some of them at the potential new place anyway.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 20:15

My dd has got a lot of friends at school and they travel to see each other, meet in the middle at weekends etc.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 18:55

For DH, it's a mix of 'get on with it' and his experience starting a brand new High School aged 11, knowing nobody and getting bullied something rotten. Plus he's worried about DS having friends 12 miles away, and nobody to knock about with locally.

He has been to the current school, but not the potential new one.

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lancelottie · 16/05/2012 18:19

Has your DH seen the new school himself? (Come to that, I'm assuming he's been to the current one?)

DH was similarly reluctant to move DS2 last year, thinking he'd just take all the same problems with him to a new place. But by sheer good/bad luck, on the day I'd arranged to go and see the alternative, DS's sister ended up in hospital and DH went in my place -- and came back saying, 'God, I wish he could just start there straight away.' This was before we'd even mentioned it to DS as a possibility.

YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 18:12

I think that's the macho, be a man, don't run away bs isn't it? My DH was the same.

I think if your DS goes on the taster day, and likes it, your DH will be more receptive to the idea.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 18:09

It doesn't help that it's 3 tier round here so they don't start High School til year 8. It's good in some ways but not others IMO.

DH is still reluctant, but coming round I think.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 17:41

Exactly, if it means he is happy to go to school in the morning, the rest will fall into place somehow.

You should be able to get the school bus even though you don't live in the catchment area- good idea to ask the council.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 17:29

I think that there may be a bus from the outlying villages. It doesn't come as far as us, but it would mean I may be able to drop him at a village about 5 miles away.

I'm not sure what the rules are though. i assume the catchment children from the villages get it subsidied but could I pay I wonder?

I think I will have to phone the council. I have looked at trains but it takes an hour and involves two trains so that won't be happening. I am prepared to drive him all the way if it means he will smile again in the mornings.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 16:28

No, no school bus sadly, she walks to the train station, and then it's a 10 minute walk at the other end.
She meets up with her friends at the station most days.

Is there a school bus to the new school sparkling?

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 16:23

Does she get the school bus Fanjo?

I think for DS he is after there being more 'like minded' kids, because at the moment he doesn't 'belong'. His report and 'attitiude to learning' score are great and I don't want it to slip.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 16:13

If the school is not as academic as your DS needs to excel and he is being teased for trying to learn then I can't see it getting better.

My dd now goes to a school in a different county, she is used to the journey now.
Personally I think a bit longer journey is a small price to pay.

seeker · 16/05/2012 14:11

It does take a long time for some of them to settle in secondary school, though. My dd is in year 11, and while she's always had friend's it was only last year that she "found her tribe" ( as a lovely mumsnetter whose name I forget put it whe I asked for help). It still mkes my heart contract to remember her saying in year 7 "there are parties- but I'm not invited to them"
If he's not really miserable and is doing well academically I wouldn't move him if you can avoid it. Oh, and remember that "the populars" is not necessarily a compliment!

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 14:04

That's so true Fanjo. I spent ages choosing the First School, then he just went to the Middle School then High School. It didn't occur to me he wouldn't be ok, but no idea why not. The High School is the only one in the town though unfortunately.

I might try and find out about school buses to the new school, not sure how it all works.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 13:46

Hopefully you will feel a bit better when DS goes for the taster day, at least you'll know if it's an option or not.

IMO if you do decide to do move schools, it's better to do it now before they start picking options and all that stuff.

Schools are not a good fit for everyone, one might thrive there whilst another struggles, it's just about finding the right one, i don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 13:22

Thanks Hully and Fanjo. I feel so churned up about it all.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 11:09

Yes, I told DDs school we were in the process of looking at schools about a month before she left.
I wanted them to know what was going on.
They didn't seem to care very much tbh

And it still took them 3 weeks to send over her records!

Hullygully · 16/05/2012 10:18

Yes, one thing at a time. Tell him to chill, there is no panic on the decision, he should do the taster day so he can see his options and then think about it.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 10:17

Fanjo I think I am going to tell his current school about the taster day, that's ok isn't it? it's not a secret and I would rather not lie.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 10:15

That's good, hopefully it will give him a better idea of what he wants to do.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 10:10

he has agreed to the taster day.

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Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 07:12

That sounds great Fanjo. I think DS sounds like your DD, he really wants to learn, he doesn't do 'messing about' and I think the others may see him as a bit 'square' as they used to say in my day.

The ones he refers to as 'populars' seem to be the ones not that interested in learning.

I am waitin with baited breath for him to get up at 7.30.

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YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 07:09

No, we moved her to a school 14 miles the other way from her primary so it had different feeder schools.

There was another closer school but the cousin of the most popular girls went there and tbh it was more of the same, we went to look at it and looked at a few lessons, there was a clear group of popular girls running the class, and it didn't seem a good fit academically.

She really wanted to be with people who were interested in..well, learning I suppose, the other school was a sports college and she isn't that sporty. The school she is at now is an arts college and seems a better fit.

She was assigned a "buddy" for the first 2 weeks, and by that time, had made some friends so it worked out well.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 06:23

I feel sick about it all. I know he will get up this morning and say he doesn't want to go to school and I will be

We have been waiting for him to 'settle in' since September.

Did your DD know anyone at the new school Fanjo?

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