Moving up to high school, do they take themselves to school and back ?

Children need to be able to function by themselves!! I know they are your babies but they have to grow up!! I can totally understand your concerns but you need to step back and allow them to grow up. I suppose it all depends on where you live as to how you do it. If you live in a large city then it must be very difficult for you. We are lucky we live in a medium size village and so it was easy to let our children walk to and from school. One of my DC's is disabled and it is really hard to let them go and find their own way in the world but you have to let them do it!! Good luck in doing this. When my DC was in hospital when all of my children were growing up the other two often found me out of the house when they woke up (my husband was at home!) and they had to get ready for school and they walked themselves to school bags ready and everything else, they knew the routine better than my husband did!! They had to get on with it!! My youngest was about 6 years old when they were able to sort themselves out for school and sort their bag etc - they had to if I was in hospital with my other DC - the school were very good too, they knew the situation at home so did not put too much pressure on my DC's if something had been forgotten!! Hope everything worked out for you!!

Mobile phones are brilliant but...

You may need to introduce the concept of stopping in one spot to text and returning phone to safe place. Walking and texting is not a good multi-tasking arrangement at any age. With my younger child to put the point across we regularly play a 'Spot the Idiot' game in the car when DC is a passenger an dhas to find people who are not being vigilant and just being careless with their mobiles. Naturally as I am driving I don't particpate as I am watching the road...

Thanks for that idea weegiemum - texting me at certain points en route would make me feel a lot happier for a while! Bubby64, I've got a bit of a problem finding intermediate points to leave her, but I'd be happier if she was with a friend in any case (as long as both of them were paying attention to traffic, at any rate). She's our one and only, lovely as she is! I have no family local at all. Oh well, guess I'd better try and find someone else who's prepared to let their kid keep mine company at the pictures or something, so that we can let them travel alone together on the bus

My dd1 just started at high school in August, age 12y6m.

She leaves at 7.40, gets bus into central Glasgow, changes, gets bus out to school. She usually meets some friends on the journey.

Before this for 2-3 years she had done things on her own. Running to the shops for me. Then round to the chippy on a Friday night! (incentive was everything!!). We moved house in May and she started getting the bus to guides (she wanted to stay at the same company) and her guider brings her home. Over the summer holidays she was allowed to bus into town and meet a friend. She practiced the school run a couple of times with m best friend (I'm disabled so couldn't manage the walk element) and then did it on her own.

She loves the independence: she has a bus pass and it's also valid for her trip to guides but not at the weekend! Sometimes she and her friends will go to the park after school and drink slush puppies!

She has a bb and texts me once she's changed buses and again when she gets to school. I assume that will eventually die out but for now it makes us both feel secure.

My 2 started Yr7 in September, and TBH, this time last year, I was in the same position as you! I gradually started them out on little expiditions on their own, ie, walking to and from primary on their own, taking the bus to their nanna's in the nearby market town where she met them, I left them at the local swimming pool and they rang for me to collect them from the town centre 10minutes walk away, etc, etc, and you will be surprised how quickly they become more independant!
It came to a head when they went for 2 induction days at the High School, the first they were taken in by the parents and took the bus home, the 2nd they took the bus there and back. By that 2nd day, they would not have been seen dead with me walking them to the bus stop or meeting them there to collect them!
Don't worry too much. They do seem to grow up quite fast btween the age of 10 and 11yrs!

You have to cut them some slack in Year 6 - although DS was happy to walk to school en famille if he had afterschool clubs (which he did three times a week) he usually walked home alone and it's a good 30 minute walk. No probs...

Think he was a little apprehensive about the doing the return journeys on the bus alone but DW and DD went with him on his first day and then I was able to walk with him to the bus stop for the first week... He seems absolutely settled doing the journeys now....

It is really the fear of the unknown which is the issue....once they get into a routine it's perfectly fine. At DS's school they really emphasized that they wanted the boys to come to school under their own steam - it's all part of them gaining confidence and independence....

This is an interesting topic - my dd has just started Y6 and now brings herself home most days from primary, after several runs in the summer term in Y5 of me meeting her part of the way home, gradually stopping altogether. I don't know how I'll feel about that once it's dark by 4 (she's signed up to several after school clubs, so most days finish about then), but think I'll just have to tough it out. She's been going to the corner shop for me for about a year. Most of her friends are still being ferried to school, but at least people have stopped treating me like I'm a child-abuser, now that she's in Y6! One of the secondary schools we're thinking about would be a train ride and a walk at the other end - she hasn't done public transport by herself yet. I took a look here to find out how others introduced that.

Next step for us is sending her in alone in the morning - she's not a morning person, so I've been a bit worried about that!

laptop to be fair I think only a couple of posters say their DC don't do anything alone!

OP the freedom is immense! DS1 (who is almost 13, in yr 8) goes to a youth club on a Sunday 7-8pm, and I was picking him up over the winter, but we have both suddenly realised that it's totally reasonable now it's light for him to walk home (well he prefers his bike in fact) so I have a bit of freeeeeedom yayyyy!

I am at all these children that have never done anything on their own before! Even more at the ones that haven't crossed a road ont heir own??

my 2 DCs are 2 years appart so we have the whole 'you may as well walk with me since we are all going to the same place anyway' thing too

I have started sending her out the door a few minutes before me and then she sees me in the playground so I know she is there ok

also one day a week she does sport after school so rather than picking the younger one up, going home for half an hour, then having to go back again, I let her come home by herself but we discussed the route which isn't our normal one as I'm more comfortable about her crossing by herself in a different place and she is fine with that and quite enjoys the walk home in peace

Start preparing your child gradually. I used to to get my eldest ds ( now in year 7), to make the decesion when we crossed the road etc. I also let him wander around the shops by himself, buy things in shops etc so he got used to handling money.

He is now confident using public transport, buying things etc, and has grown up and is so independent now.

DC went to and came home from school on their own using public transport from about Yr 4.

Starting secondary was interesting. DC are naturally quite cautious, as kids ought to be growing up in Central London. But they are self-reliant and able to read tube maps and train timetables and get themselves around. There were some kids who had been taken to and from school all through Primary, who seem not to have developed the same sense of caution along the way, and a few frantic mothers waiting at home as their kids goofed off in the park.

Gaining responsibility has to be a continuum. If kids are still being taken everywhere well into secondary, how to they develop their own capacity to weigh up risks and to be responsible. There are a lot more dangers facing teenagers than primary aged children.

Find some summer holiday activities. Take her on the first day and then let her go on her own. Follow her if you need to first time. Soon you will realise the advantages of letting go a little.

My dd is in Yr 6 at the moment. I started letting her gain some independence in Yr5. Initially she was allowed to walk to where I park the car after school. This is a few mins walk from the school. This has gradually increased. We live about mile and half from her Junior school, she is currenlty walking about half way home in the afternoons. I meet her in a certain road and drive her the rest of the way. The plan is for her to walk the whole way by July. In the morning I drop her by the shops, where she meets her friends and they all walk to school together.

I think you need to start letting her run some errands and walk around to some friends houses.

Crikeybill, you can apply for an oyster as soon as she is 11. Do so, as they can take a bit of time to come through.

I took my DD on the train and walked up to the school on the holidays. I made the mistake of not doing the return journey - DH came and picked us up. But the return journey is, of course, slightly different, so it might be a good idea to do the whole round trip.

I think it is well past time that you let her get to and from primary by herself. She is 11 now and able to manage that.

The school bus will be fine, there will be others I assume taking it. Practise with some bus trips (with you) and explain what to do etc.

FWIW my DD started walking to school with a mate from the end of yr 4 ie when she was just turned 9. Now at almost 11 she won't countenance me picking her up!

It's more the culture at our school tho I am glad to say - most yr 6s and plenty of yr 5s get themselves to and from school. Try and see if you can give your DD a bit of freedom/independence in these last few months of primary. Summer/long evenings make it the ideal time.

Yes, and you need to start training them. Mine started in summer year 5 on the (deeply familiar because done with mummy) route to and from primary. Also dry runs on the new route.

I thought it was too much to do unfamiliar route and being alone as a double whammy. So in your shoes, I'd be looking for opportunities to learn about being sensible when out alone now.

Yes. All my DDs started going to school by themselves in year 6 to get them ready for going to high school.

A few weeks before starting secondary school is very very late to be finding that your DC is very very late learning normal independence. Did you let them into the swimming pool before they could swim? Over-protection does children no favours.

I feel for you OP - I am in the same situation .

DS is going up to Secondary school in September and will be using the school bus (we live in a village and the school is 3 miles away in the nearest town). He has never been out of the road on his own before & I'm feeling a bit like I'm feeding my baby to wolves allowing him to use the school bus .

Ds1 is only in year 4 but he already gets to make the decision when to cross the road, I just stand next to him with ds2 waiting for him to cross.

I did this because the secondary schools are in the opposite direction of the primary school from our house.

Depending on how long the bus ride is, don't forget that everything looks very different in the dark so if there is the possibility that she will be on the bus in the dark in winter, you will need to make sure she knows what to look out for.

I used to catch two buses to school and two back, at 11. No mobile phones back then and no-one waiting at home when I got in.

Ds has been walking or cycling to school since year 4.

It hard to give your daugher the chance to walk to school when you have your younger child who still needs to be walked to school. I suggest you get her to walk to a friend's house or let her go to the shops by herself.

With my son I have gradually given him more independence as he got older. Ie.

Infants: Escort to classroom
lower juniors: drop off at school gate.
year 4: Helped him across the one busy road, but let him walk the rest of the way
year 5: He walks to school by himself.

Oyster pass for 11-15 year olds is what you need. Let her walk to school for the summer term, and make the new school trip with her once or twice in the holidays, then get her to do it (at the time she will have to do it - this is crucial!!) herself. I never imagined last year that by now my year 7 DD would be taking two trains (and finding an alternative route by bus when trains fail!) to school each morning, but these days she even buys her own monthly ticket and tops up her own phone using the debit card attached to her own account. They learn fast!

DS has been catching a bus to school since the start of Year 7. It is not a dedicated school bus - and there are occasions when the bus misses/he misses the bus.. We deal with it. He has a mobile so can let me know if there is a major issue. It is approximately 3 miles so a little too far to walk on a regular basis, but he could walk home if absolutely necessary.

In his last year at primary he walked alone to and from school too. It is only five minutes - with one road to cross - but children should be doing this and more.

DSs are taken by car to High school - Years 7 and 10. Their school is only 20min walk max - but their mother takes them and collects them. I would have been mortified if my DM had picked me up from school!

You have until September to encourage her independance - send her to the shops and to friends houses etc. Do the bus journey together a couple of times to get used to the route and landmarks to watch out for just before her stop.

Oh and.....

Kisses goodbye on the lips no longer acceptable. Forehead at a push, but even then, they must be seen to be pulling away!

At the DCs old primary, they were encouraged/asked to walk to and from school by themselves for the whole of the final term. It seemed to work very well, even in an urban area. They were also encouraged to "practice" getting the bus to the secondaries a couple of times before their transition visits.

We now live in a small town, and almost all DCs walk to school by themselves from aged 5!!!!!