Can school force my DS to do detention?

In our DC's school you can ask for any detention to be taken on another day. I have had to do this a couple of times because of pre-arranged family activities. In the letter asking for the detention to be re-arranged I always write my support for any action the school is taking and my full support for the teachers.

Luckily, they are reasonable and realise it is not my saying my DC can't have detentions. This is unlike some parents that I have heard of complaining what their little darlings were asked to do in detentions - clean the yard, tidy the classrooms, put away some equipment.

After having written this I am a bit that I know so much about detentions.

Crap teacher - I don't know how informing the school he was lying was undermining the teachers authority. I am very supportive of the school. Your name alone suggests that maybe you don't take your job as seriously as you should do- 'in my humble opinion '.

My Dcs school is a rural one, with the majority of children arriving on school buses and so therefore detentions are at break/lunchtime. And given for a first time offence with no warning.

Letters are still sent home though. It seemed to be based around the idea that as you had not found an opportunity to do the work at home, you had to do it under supervision at school. Should you complete the work in the meantime the detention would not be necessary. So not presented as a 'punishment' as such.

I have only had one of these, which was actually sent in error as DS had done the project and handed it in the previous term, so can't comment on how effective it is.

"if they can take their punishment another time"

I think the definition of punishment is being watered down rather!

alltheseboys: 'She let him off but gave him a good telling off in front of me. May sound harsh but he makes alot more effort with homework now. '

Am I going completely mad? Since when is 'telling off' (primary school phrase) 'harsh'. He was bloody lucky that the teacher was daft enough to succomb to parental persuasion and have their authority undermined in my humble opinion.

crapteacher

Given that the OP's ds is 12, he won't be doing work experience very soon, and in any case kids don't do real work in work experience, it's generally shadowing and make work so that they get a taste of what a work environment is like. He's not likely to be doing a job requiring deadlines to be met for at least another six years. Our school used to use the learn about work line on homework (in junior school!) and quite frankly I thought it was totally ridiculous, especially as at the time I managed a team and spent a fair bit of time working with them on work life balance and time management (taking work home was considered poor on both fronts).

I don't understand why it should be considered wishy washy or unsupportive to think that a child shouldn't miss a lesson if they can take their punishment another time. Isn't the point of school learning? Although thinking back I might be inclined to take this view as I hated music lessons and would have been very happy to sit in detention instead.

I've actually gone to my ds's school and asked for a detention for him not doing his homework. He was giving both his teacher & I different excuses for not getting it done. She let him off but gave him a good telling off in front of me. May sound harsh but he makes alot more effort with homework now.
I work in a behaviour unit & see the consequences of kids who haven't been dealt harshly enough in mainstream. You need to support the school 100%.
Btw schools no longer have to give any notice on detentions let alone move them. Your ds is old enough to take responsibility. He should be doing work experience soon where he will see missing deadlines has far greater consequences.

Good- glad it worked out purpleroses
Mrbojangles - it is the OPs sons reaction to rearranging it himself that I wan to avoid- that just suggests he is scared and a bit confused by the whole system how does that help him learn anything?

Wishy washy? I can hear my pupils laughs from here! As the other teachers have said it is about the long game and not just a power rip but rather modelling behaviour you wish to see.
As for back chat- I get more from my 2 year old than the 11-16 year olds I teach.

At my school the department detention is on the same day each week, so if he has a piano lesson every Tuesday (for example) then even rearranging the detention would simply put it on a different Tuesday in which case you'd just have to suck it up.

you can ask them to rearrange the detention, politely obviously explaining why but i think your son should do this, he could perhaps take a note from you with him? but ultimately its his fault and so he shoudl cough up for the piano lesson if that cannot be moved.

i know that in primary school they ahve to legally give you 24hrs written notice of an after school detention, but i am not sure about high school :)

I might rearrange it. I probably would if it were the first time. But it does annoy me. I bet for an after school he's missed at least one extension deadline. Has he done the homework now? That might sweeten me for a change in date.

Although in my case my students know what might I hold an after school detention on. When they had failed to hand in a homework for the second time, which is very rare , they woud be warned that a further offence will resut in an after school on a Thursday night , if the child knew they had a music lesson on that night it is their responsibility not to get a detention. So on reflection, I might not rearrange.

I always say to students that detentions are not a compulsory activity, you choose them and therefore it is your responsibility if it causes further problems.

I would consider negotiating the detention if it was the first time the child had received a detention and it was for an educational activity. If the child asked me politely with a note from home.

I am regarded as anything but wishy washy. Rather I am a reasonable human being playing the longer game.

I would not give an after school for a first offence for a missing homework, it would be the third time. For that reason I rarely give homework related after school detentions.

"DS, as you have a piano lesson on the day you have been given detention, you have two choices. Either ask the teacher, nicely, if they can re-schedule and explain about the piano lesson, OR you will have to miss the lesson and the cost of the lesson will be deducted from your pocket money. In future, you will have a third option, which is to complete the homework in the time set."

Eh?

Not really just so you don't think they have been kid napped on their way home mobiles are not allowed at my sons school

They have blockers so they don't work any way

enjolraslove wishy washy teachers who negotiate with pupils lead to undisaplined back chat.

Personally I am glad my son attends a school were we know we're the boundires are and is not taught by some hippy notion were children dictate when their consequence will be at a time that is covinet to them

Because reasonable teachers lead to reasonable pupils who cooperate and generally try to do the right thing, mrbojangles.
OP: I do think it is important your son arranges it though, you shouldnt be trying to fix it for him.

With almost all of my pupils for things like homework/lateness etc if I need them to do a detention I arrange it with them, let them tell their parents if needed and they then show up for it with good grace allowing us to use the time productively to catch up work or talk through whatever the issue was. Texting parents is odd to me- kids get the detention, it is their responsibility to deal with it, not their parents.

And also I am actally shocked the amount to teachers saying the detention should be moved :(

You heave wolly parents and teachers with no displine no wonder so many schools are going under

My sons school send a text telling the parents their child will be kept behind that day, for what and with witch teacher

Their is no option for having it at more time suited to the child who has misbehaved

Just shocking

YABU the whole point of a detention is to be punsihed you should be yelling at him for missing his piano lesson

My sons school give detentions for not giving in homework and rightly so no wonder kids these days are so I'll displined

And my god detentions on demand why should a detention be moved their not supposed to be convienant their so supposed to annoy disrupt social activity after school

If you don't want darling Tarquin to miss his lesson get him to do his bloody homework

Personally I would be making your child reemburse you for the cost of the lesson

I have to say firstly it is unlikely it is a first offence and almost certainly your DS had a second chance to hand the homework in. I always get concerned when parents do the ' in principle I support the school', it is very often except for my offspring. Put up with missing the piano lesson to send a very important lesson to your son; you expect him to complete his work or take the consequences.

I would write a note in my kids diary/planner asking for it to change because of piano lesson. Tell your son to go and find the teacher, before the day of the detention and ask them to move it because of the lesson. Tell him to ask nicely!
The note is just in case the teacher doesn't believe your son- but if I was his teacher I would almost certainly just take his word for it, be pleased he had been proactive about sorting it out and rearrange it. I really think most if not all teachers will do the same.

In terms of rights, I would try to avoid thinking like that because the only way schools work is if pupils and parents cooperate with them. If parents choose not to then the only possible response from the school will be - either cooperate with our policies or find a different school.

Sorry - your son... I'm a teacher - i never read stuff properly the first time around ... flick and tick

crapteacher

You're turning this into a confrontation before it's become one! You can ask nicely, but the teachers at school will hold you in deep contemot for years to come over such trivial issues. Your daughter is in the wrong here. Make HER cough up for the piano lesson that SHE is inconveniencing the piano teacher by missing because SHE didn't do her homework.

As the meerkat says...'simples'

crapteacher :)