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Original poster

To Pay Or Not To Pay?

37 replies

BelleTheBeatnik · 19/02/2012 20:51

Basically, DH & I are currently considering enrolling DC in private school.

At the moment, the oldest two our at the local primary (very good school; didn't particularly consider alternatives) but later this year we'll be making the move down south for DH's work. His new job will change our lives quite drastically money-wise, and the grandparents are very anxious we invest the disposable income in our children's futures.

Here's the catch: from a teenager, I was always adamant that any children of mine would attend comprehensives. As far as I was concerned, they did me very well, and us lot from comps were clever enough to know not to pay for education, and bright enough not to need it.

I've since mixed with the upper-middle class at uni, and met DH (though you wouldn't know it, he went to one of those ridiculously posh schools) and I'm not as stubborn these days! However, I still hold some of my fundamental views.

I'm rubbish at spending money extravagantly, and as much as I fully appreciate that the DC's education is one of the most important things, spending large amounts of money on something which is very often provided completely free seems a little... wasteful? I hope that doesn't sound as awful to you as it does when I read it back!

I've been considering the options a lot recently, but I suppose my problem is having no-one (other than DH) to mull it over with. His friends and family are almost exclusively privately-educated, and so are fully supportive of the idea. My nearest and dearest, however, are generally not, and aren't as keen. Obviously, it's a sensitive subject at the moment, when the majority are struggling financially.

I think my in-laws have always secretly wanted the DC to follow their other grandchildren and the rest of the family into the Eton-esque schools. DH and I are both dead against boarding, so it always seemed slightly less likely, but now we'll be nearer the family's favourite schools, and more able to afford them.

Some of the fees truly make my eyes boggle - particularly when I think about the income my parents raised me and my brother on! But at the same time, both DH and I know that we're lucky to be in this situation, and don't want to regret not giving the DC these opportunities when we were fully capable of it.

Sorry for waffling. I just think I need some rational advice from MNers!

Thank you in advance... :)

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleTheBeatnik · 19/02/2012 22:16

We will. It'll be good for us to go down and see a bit of the area anyway, as although we were both born nearby we don't know that area of London very well, and I'm sure DC would love to see it. And don't worry mummytime, I don't allow myself to be blinded by shiny dining hall floors! Wink LOL! Thank you for the advice :)

OP posts:
TalkinPeace2 · 19/02/2012 22:12

in this bit of Hampshire the comps are FAB
25 miles east they are less so ....
it really depends on where you will be living

mummytime · 19/02/2012 22:04

It depends on the individual school and child. So go and look, very bright kids do do well in state schools, they can also be failed by private schools. But that doesn't mean every state school will do better with every bright child than every private school, or vice versa.
Do look at both, and don't be seduced just by car parks, libraries or dining halls.

Original poster
BelleTheBeatnik · 19/02/2012 21:53

DS is very young at the moment (five), and we definitely don't want to become the sort of parents who try to mold their child into an 'Etonian'. If he turns out to be the sort of child that we feel would thrive in that enviroment, and is capable academically etc, then we'll look at the option, however I really don't like the idea of boarding school one bit at the moment. DD1 is eight; she's very academic, and DH's friend's wife keeps telling me that private education will provide the stimulation to challenge her. But surely that depends on the school - a very good state school could do it better than an average private school? Or will the small classes be more useful? Sorry, I expect I sound really ditzy, just have little knowledge of independent schools.

OP posts:
mummytime · 19/02/2012 21:49

Soup dragon I wasn't saying they are all good. There are also grammar school areas too.
Just you don't have to go private in the South, and things have changed in a lot of private schools (probably since PILs time).

SoupDragon · 19/02/2012 21:32

There are crap comps too, mummytime!

Remember to check whether any preferred secondary comp has feeder primaries and take that into consideration.

mummytime · 19/02/2012 21:29

There are fab comps in the south, and the private school fees can be eye watering.
You need to find where you want to live, and then look carefully at schools. You may live in a cheaper area, and then ferry your kids to private schools, or pay more on a house to get them into a good comp.
Do also remember that private schools tend to be getting more and more selective, so what would be your back up strategy? Eg. Eton does reject the off- spring of old Etonians.

Original poster
BelleTheBeatnik · 19/02/2012 21:09

We're hoping to move over the summer, so we can settle in and get the house sorted before the DC start a new school year. Where we are now, the children generally go to the primary in their village and the most of them stay together to move up to the same secondary. The areas we're looking at are very good for schools and have a lot of options - although obviously that makes the desicon harder. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleTheBeatnik · 19/02/2012 21:05

DC are 8, 5 and 2. I know exactly what you mean SoupDragon, I think we need to look around the local schools. One of the things I really like about comprehensives is that they are comprehensive, and the DC will mix with others from different backgrounds, but I that won't be the most important thing when compared to the actual performance and feel of the school.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 19/02/2012 21:04

What are the logistics of your proposed move?

When exactly? Part way through a school year? Or over the summer between the school years?

Have you looked into the schools near where you will be going? What is there that you like the look of, and do you stand an earthly of getting a place?

LIZS · 19/02/2012 20:59

How old are your dc ? Some private secondaries will have already closed registration lists for next year and pretested those planning to enter at 13+ during Year 6.

SoupDragon · 19/02/2012 20:54

TBH, your principles may well change when you see what state schools are on offer where you move to :)

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