How do you deal with favouritism in school?

I have also experienced this and am sick to the teeth of it. The problem I feel is that there aren't enough old-school experienced teachers who have the life experience to keep these things fair. My DC school has lots of 20-something teachers who are courted by parents with gifts from the moment they arrive and they favour the children of those parents.

It does make you wonder where they were when the module about the responsibilities of teachers as a profession, making a difference, preparing children for the real world, encouraging effort rather favouritism etc. was being assessed in their teaching course.

You could argue that there is no harm, things like this happen in life etc, however I've seen many children leave that school thinking they are absolutely amazing and then crumbling at their senior school. I've also seen children who are enthusiastic and committed about music, art or sport give up because they believe the message that they simply aren't good enough and should try something else.

This should not be happening at primary school.

I loved this discussion. I think institutions by definition favour conformists. Conformists inevitably feel safest within institutions. My children are not conformist, (partly because) their parents are not. We are by no means non-conformist, but we question authority, petty rules, politics and unfairness. Most of you might enjoy the analysis in the attached link (pushydad you might not). I know which group I’d rather my children were in. No sentinels here thankfully! www.16personalities.com/articles/fight-the-power-distrust-of-authority-figures-by-personality-type

In any case Colleger, you are saying that the school didn't give DC the recognition he deserved because of 'blinkered nepotism'. However, once he got a place at Purcell the school asked him to take part in orchestras and concerts. So I am assuming that you no longer think that 'blinkered nepotism' is in play :)

I apologise if it appears as if I am picking on you. I obviously don't know you or your DC so you are probably 100% right about your school and the teachers but on the surface it looks like you are looking for excuses.

One man's non-conforming free thinker is another man's pain in the backside :)

A few non-compliant children may go on to achieve great things but the reality is that many go on to be labelled as people with attitude problems.

The world may be full of compliant children but they are rarely super successful and fairly risk averse. I would feel as if I'd failed if my kids didn't have some sort of backbone.

Of course, there can be too much backbone but a school should hand out merit awards not on the basis of which child they like but on merit!

"Most children are happy obey rules but if they?re petty and unreasonable many children will not obey for the sake of it".

But the school sets the rules and its their game. If you don't want to play their game then fine but you are complaining that they aren't metaphorically picking your kid for their team.

Colleger - As I said in my initial post my DS is the one that gets picked for everything sports, music or otherwise. He is the one that gets picked to play in assemblies, the summer fayre etc. He is basically the teacher's favourite that this thread is complaining about [bblush]

Some parents have made the same complaints, obviously not to my face. And now that he is a music scholar at his indie some of the other kids have bitched about how they should have got a bigger slice of the scholarship because they are better musicians.

It is entirely possible that for some unfathomable reason the school had it in for your son but your complaints are the same as those that have been directed my way and I don't believe for a moment that my son has been shown favouritism by his old school or his new one.

My daughter, although now a graduate and a wife and mother, still resents not getting the school history prize way back in the 80s. She had helped the ( somewhat thick) girl who DID get the prize with her essay. so, although DD had the highest mark (a) DD's school uniform was somewhat shabby and (b) the other child's mother was Chair of the PTA. We were given the inside story later by a friend who taught at the school.

Yes, I have experienced Henry Smith type scenarios. :(

Here?s a true story I was told by a friend. A mum is standing in playground DS is called Henry Smith. A fight erupts, teachers start running across playground shouting:
"Henry Smith" "Henry Smith"
Henry's mum turns to head teacher "your problem is Henry is off sick today!"
The problem with not being in the A team and even the B team is not just that you don?t make it into any teams and all of those other things but that you are frequently treated unfairly by teachers who assume that every time something happens you are to blame.

I know exactly the type of people happygardening is talking about being in 'team a'. Why should someone who is able and works hard be penalised for not conforming to every rule?

Ok Team A maybe full of children "that listen, obey the rules and shows the teacher respect" but those are not the only positive attributes to have. I have brought my children up to listen to what is being said but to question things (courteously) as well to speak out if they see things that they know are wrong and to yes to show respect to teachers but also to school cleaners/kitchen staff/gardeners in fact as a general principle to all. In return my children should also be shown respect. Most children are happy obey rules but if they?re petty and unreasonable many children will not obey for the sake of it. Children have a well develpoed understanding of fairness when things are so obviously unfair they don?t like it.
In my experience if we treat people like savages they behave like savages but if we treat people fairly they will do the same in return.

happygardening

I found your comments about how 'Team A in general is filled with well-behaved children who strongly conform to a head teachers/senior members of staff idea of an ideal pupil ' most interesting.

I think that an 'ideal' pupil is a child that listens, obey the rules and shows the teacher respect. I'm guessing that this is a teacher's definition as well. What other definitions are there?

Agree about the behaviour aspect. I've known talented children who have received no awards or opportunities because they are non-conformists. You know the type that end up being multi-millionaires and stick two fingers up to power crazy teachers! Grrr

PushyDad I did not say that. The music scholars could all have got into Purcell but they weren't below my son ability-wise. The school thought he was not as good as he was.

Please do not assume.

I think most parents are happy for all to be given a chance its when only the same select few are given a chance/win all the prizes/get in all the teams/photos etc that parents get fed up.

Your comments about being proud that your child doesn't suck up to the teachers either says a lot about your child's attitude or the school's. Not sure which side to jump yet :-)

We and many others suffered years this for years at my DS's prep it became so bad that even the teachers complained. In my experience there are three groups of children team A:those that are picked for everything, team B those that are picked if the ones in team A are lying half dead somewhere and team C: not a cats hope in hell of ever being picked for anything. Which team you?re in is unrelated to obvious; intelligence, talent in a particular area, how wealthy your parents are or even how much they?ve contributed to your bursary fund, appearance or ability it?s all about how compliant and well behaved you are. Team A in general is filled with well-behaved children who strongly conform to a head teachers/senior members of staff idea of an ideal pupil. Team B are usually bright in many areas but non conformists and team C the badly behaved.
Many people vociferously complained the head of course denied it and nothing changed.

I meant to say - which isn't what the OP is complaining about.

Colleger

The OP's school appear to be favouring those they perceive to be above the rest. Your problem is the flip side in that the school appears to be favouring those who aren't as good as your DS which is what the OP is complaining about. To me, that is understandable.

If your DS is good enough to get into Purcell then he is obviously miles better than the other kids in his school. If I was a parent there I would be going -Yes, I know your son is brilliant but can my son have a chance of playing his Grade 2 piece to the assembly?

We've been in similar situations with music departments at schools. They can't see past certain children and I think they were shocked when DS got into Purcell - he'd never been invited to perform in assemblies or take part in the "most talented musicians" concerts. It reflects badly on a school. Musically, it was a dull and uncreative environment as they kept showcasing the same children time and time again. I would like to hear what other kids could do! Once you'd seen one concert you'd seen them all.