Independent schools for the quirky/odd/non-conformist/downright difficult!

The head of the Purcell school has quit. Mishandled a case of sexual bullying.

Happygardening: My ds is not sporty ( Football, Rugby and hockey) a C team more like it. He excels at individual sports and he is extremely bright, very high IQ, too high I think! They are expecting him to get an Academic Scholarship and perhaps an Art one as well. The head worships Eton and Harrow, all the rest are second class as far as he is concerned, yes even Win Coll! I have 4 dc and I will try my best to get them where I feel and more importantly where they feel they will be happy. I will still keep an eye all the way and be alert....just in case.
Colleger: I wish your ds all the best, 5 years as a teenager is a life time....

The pastoral care at St Edwards is excellent and it also has a new head who I suspect is planning to improve its results. He came from Dover College and (that is what he was got in for) and this fact is its mentioned on the St Edwards web site.

You mentioned Radley briefly, Colleger. Don't forget they have the Warden's list for those not registered and their music is good. Might be worth an enquiry? Having said that, I hear you that the majority of the admissions tend to come from a non diverse crowd, given the registration process. However, it is a good school and there is an entry point for the non registered.

Can't comment on Uppingham, didn't like Harrow (thought it was impersonal, didn't rate the housemaster we met and couldn't see my DSs in boaters!), I don't see Wellington as an all round school going forward - there is a lot of focus on academics and league table position and it is still v rugby orientated for the boys. There have been several threads on Stowe, but I wouldn't send my DCs there as I am not convinced about the rigour and pastoral care (again, personal view for my DCs).

What about St Edwards, Oxford? Good pastoral care and about to invest in a new music block. Have a look at their website. Seems to do well academically given the broad intake. I'm only hearing positive things about it from people I know with children there, and some have moved from v academic schools where they were unhappy and are sufficiently stretched at Teddies.

Good luck. I hope you find the right place for your DS.

Interesting about Uppingham not my experience but I only know of a handful. I am too far away to know lots of children there you need to find a MM who lives more locally to it they will no more; I believe the majority are no more than an hours drive away. Perhaps a separate posting?

Am I mistaken in believing your son started at his new music school only this September? And that he has attended quite a number of different schools before this? Are you really keen to move him again so soon?

Psychologists say that frequent moves (common in expat families, for example) tend to engender an approach which persists into adulthood when, if things are not going well in a given situation, professionally or socially, an individual doesn't perceive the need to stick at any endeavour because he is accustomed to moving on. This can cause problems in adulthood that no amount of A*s will compensate for.

If he has had difficulty settling at a few schools might there be a case to be made for trying to explore how he can make his quirkiness fit and allow him to make the most of his musical talent in the setting he is in rather than planning a further exit route so early. Any good school should be able to accommodate a range of children who bring a variety of challenges with them.

"What is critical in all of this is to find the school where the child will flourish and enable them to reach their dreams during and afterwards."
pastoralacademia this is what we all want but as none of us have a crystal ball we cannot ever know in advance if we are making the right decision. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
An Eton boy is one who is a good all rounder particularly good at sport and able to hit the ground running, you have to be pretty clever but not Win Coll clever to thrive (this was a comment directly from a mum with one son at Eton one at Win Coll). I personally dont believe you are "letting your son down" if you don't go down that route we know plenty of people who meet all the criteria for it but wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. It has to be right for all of you.
Lets be realistic many parents choose the wrong school and move their DC's after a couple of terms and even again a few terms later. One of the reasons for this is that all have smart websites, glossy prospectus and add into this the fact that at Eton and others it is virtually impossible to get a feel for it on their guided tours and of course if you talk to existing parents/children then they are unlikely to tell you that they're not happy because there still there!
Although having said this I think its good to listen to others opinions even if you don't agree because just sometimes you will hear a nugget of information that really matters to you and this will help you decide.
Maybe we agonise to much over choosing a school (I'm as guilty as the next mother). Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to afford to pay the enormously high fees that these school command are in the opinion of many in a fortunate position but this choice does not necessarily bring freedom. I suspect that independent education is becoming increasingly homogenised there will always be the exceptions which in my experience are the less/non selective pursuing a different ethos e.g. Summerhill etc or like Win Coll the excessively selective. But most of the others when you peel back the top layer of window dressing are ultimately pretty similar; they're all getting increasingly good results, have good facilities, all will tell you their music art drama depts are fantastic, lots of extra curricular activities, etc I think one way to narrow the choice is by deciding on a must have list; coed or not, full/majority boarding is I believe essential if you want boarding, location, distance from home, town/country, ridiculous uniform/no/normal uniform, does your child want to pursue a particular sport to a high level e.g. rowing, riding, does it have to be a "known" school, or highly selective I could go on. Maybe we're too influenced by small details; pupils we meet and like, heads/ teachers we liked or not but they come and go. There will always be horror stories/gossip and unhappy children at every school but I suspect the vast majority just get on with it and are happy the most of the time what more can we ask after all this is what happens in life!

'....if not top 5 year on year and have the highest oxbridge success of any boys...' emm! I wonder where I picked the idea from?! Look, as HappyG said the parent pays the parent chooses, we are only exchanging opinions. Whenever I ask for advice on this forum I hope people will come on and let me know what they think or flag warnings....hopefully their opinions will help me to make a right decision. I know children that have attended the top schools you are talking about and it didn't do the job for them. I know adults who have attended these schools that are miserable and haven't reached any of their dreams. My son's headmaster keeps telling me that my DS2 is an Eton boy whatever that means? In his opinion I am letting my son down by not going down that route. What is critical in all of this is to find the school where the child will flourish and enable them to reach their dreams during and afterwards.

Here's what I know about the four you mentioned above:
Uppingham I'm really surprised by your comments the two families we know who've sent their children there are not the sort to tolerate anything like that. Both are really happy with it as are the DC's. I always thought the families who go there are conservative with a small c and very county set/Boden it does have similar dinning to Win Coll.
Wellington like you can't stand the head but the one child we know there loves it.
Stowe again can't stand the head don't think the music dept is particularly strong and in my view and from experience of others boarding houses are a bit Lord of the Flies.
Harrow I was thinking of Harrow which is why I asked your DS age looked at another of your postings I think he's yr 6. Ticks lots of your boxes the most musical from DS prep go there and it interviews at year 7 although I don't know when you register. But it's VERY competitive to get in I'm not convinced its much less academic than kings which is easier to get into and I'm know the really really quirky aren't tolerated. But all others we know there are very happy like Win Coll the house is everything.
What about Christs I believe they have a small intake at yr 9 lots of children from many different backgrounds so more likely to find more quirky children you have to be in the top third to get in and its very musical ridiculous uniform but that's only my view. Like others I hear good things about Oakham and still think you should look at Ampleforth and Kings. Hope this helps and that maybe you'll get more feedback on those you mentioned.

I am just wondering why, when it comes to schools, everyone talks only about results and Oxbridge? Do you think of after Oxbridge? What do they do? What do they become? My dd had a pivate tutor, he went to Win Coll then Oxford yet he is struggling to make ends meet (£30/hr!) he was no good. Many of them end up in low tier universities after going to the "TOP KNOWN" and a highy selecive school?! Something is wrong somewhere....

Go and take a look around them all, that's the best way of finding out what they're like and whether they'll suit your family :)

You should look for schools which offer music scholarships - although most don't have large monetry value they often subsidise the cost of music lessons which, if your son is doing more than one set, can cost lots!

Just a thought would your son's music teachers be able to suggest any schools with strong music departments? Looking at websites etc schools do exaggerate their strengths somewhat!

And does it have a strong music dept what about sport etc?

The problem you've got here colleger is that everyone knows a school that they think will be suitable and you obviously cant look at them all. Why don't you post about specific schools, those that you would consider for whatever reason; "known" schools, location, academic standard etc it doesn't really matter what others think of your rationale your the one paying the money and see if you can get some specific feed back. As I've already said the age of you DS would help.

Bryanston also has very good pastoral care. Every child has their own tutor (in addition to housemaster/ housemistress/ other teachers) who reviews progress etc. on a weekly basis, checks that the necessary work is being done, helps formulate a plan if it isn't being done, and who generally keeps an eye on happiness/ wellbeing etc.

Bryanston. It's brilliant. Good academic results, also really good music, art, drama. One girl I know was allowed to do only two A Levels (one of them music) to enable her to have enough time to practice, she's now leader of a good orchestra. They put individual talent above their own results in the league tables.

BRIT School?

King's in Bruton, Somerset?

colleger remind me how old is you DS?

What about Radley? Seems to produce quite a few quirky characters imo.