how involved do you get in homework? esp interested in early years of secondary

Actually I meant to put my yr 7, or 11yo, not my "yr 11". I have some hope that by then dd1 might be able to pack two trainers for PE, not just one (like last week).

As above- find out what they have and when they plan to do it. Check/help if asked. Sign book on and off.

I really struggle with this. My head and heart tell me I should be leaving him to organise himself and face the consequences, but I find it very hard to do.

I worry that he doesn't do as well as he could. If he put a bit more time and effort in then he'd do better etc etc.

He gets it done, mostly, but it's messy and only done to the minimum.

I am also very interested in what he's studying and what hw he's got, though I realise to him it might seem like I'm interferring.

He does ask for help when needed.

lance ds2 has Asperger's, and I find like you I need to organise him, then actually he does a very good job on his work, probably better than the other two in terms of intellectual depth and being interested in what he's writing.

An example is that Ds1 has gone into Yr 7 with his history homework, title page for Romans in exercise book. Minimum 4 pics. He has spent 10 minutes on it, drawn a stick man holding a sword, and bit of scribbly lettering. I expect him to get a low mark. I suggested mosaics and border. He wasn't interested, and just did it as fast as possible (hates drawing/art) I didn't interfere beyond pointing out that he should probably spend a bit more time on it. But he needs to be told by teacher it isn't good enough, to spend 30 minutes next time.
If I was helicopter I would have wrestled it out of his hand and forced him to decorate it with laurel wreaths, catchphrases, latin tags. Sad really, I probably should have...

I helicopter like mad for DS1 (but he has Asperger's and gets full-time organisational help at school, being the kind who could lose six workbooks on an empty desk, so it would seem a little unkind to abandon him at home).

I nag DS2 ('No homework? Prove it. Right, nothing in the planner. So why does it say 'maths hw Wednesday' on your timetable? OK, if you phone Sam, might he just possibly know if there really was any?')

I ignore DD, who would die of shame if she forgot to do any.

I left ds to it in Y8, and at the end of Y9 it was quite obvious that this wasn't working- this year (10) am going to have to be standing over him with my arms folded

he started really well in Y7 but the novelty wore off pretty quickly. I'm not going to help him do it- but I'm going to monitor him a lot more closely

Fennel, I was your disorganised dd, and although I was perfectly good at doing homework etc and got excellent GSCEs when it was all quite structured stuff, I think it would really have helped if my mum had helicoptered me a little when I hit snags (ie: A-levels) I had not a clue how to organise myself (still don't really) and just got in a muddle. So I don't think a bit of intervention goes amiss, or a sharp kick even... Just ideas really, or advice, not someone "controlling" your work or telling you exactly what to write.

What you are doing is fine. You are not helping by micro managing.

I ask every day what homework has been set and when they intend to do it, pointing out what they have on during the evenings and weekends so they can see windows of opportunity .

DS pretty much cracks on with his homework. Might ask if he gets stuck. DD likes an audience and to run everything past me. I'm trying to limit this as much as possible.

I am helicoptering away with my yr 11, I wouldn't have expected to at this age but dd1 is quite chaotic, terrible memory, finds organising herself difficult. I don't want her to start secondary school with a series of detentions for forgotten homework, PE kit etc. She is getting slowly better at organising herself- in primary she used to lose a jumper a week, for years, and was the worst child in the school at handing in lunch tickets. But for the moment I suppose I see it as a particular weakness that dd1 has, she's a dreamy forgetful type and I don't want her to start secondary school on a downer because of this.

I won't bother with dd2 when she goes, she's organised, and dd3 is already better att 7 than dd1, so I think it's particularly for this child I'm being quite so helicoptering and over-involved.

I just had a general conversation over evening meal with DS (just started yr12) about his day, what he had done and what homework he had as well as signing his planner every week. He was more than aware though that I would find out from his teachers (very good school in terms of communication!) asap if homework was not completed on time/to the best of his ability

I would be wary of just relying on the planner alone - as a secondary teacher I am more than aware that not all homework gets entered and although they may have their planner out when told to write down h/work or they have 'forgotten' their planner

I sat at the table this morning and did my work while dd1 did hers - she just needs advising that doing HW as soon as it's set is the answer.
The only thing I helped with today was the devils own work of sticky back plastic! Not sure whether my help was positive though...

I correct very obvious mistakes in History, English etc, RE etc, or where what they say just doesn't make sense. I suppose when they want you to sign the homework diary, they are also asking you to check that your child has done it to a satisfactory standard, and share some of the research topics.
I also find my child is not able to research without my input. But that is my child (Ds1) I feel really strongly that I don't want him to come up with illinformed gibberish about a set independent topic, especially when it is usually a one off (ie: other members of class doing different independent topics) I find if he researches by himself he goes on Wikipedia and can make neither head nor tail of it, and just regurgitates rubbish or only the beginning bit and then runs out of steam and never really works out what the point of the topic was, so I try and get library books out for him which tend to be written for the right age group (he's 11). It is hard work for me, but how he is going to learn about things later if I don't make him practice researching properly? A bit like leaving them to learn Maths by themselves imo. Useless.

Last week has been hard work for both of us. Yr 6 I didn't intervene at all, and I wish I had been a bit more beady then. Certainly school never picked up on a lot of deficiencies in his homework, and I feel I can't let him be sloppy any longer.

This may be terribly neglectful of me... but I simply don't have the energy to make them do it. I refuse to do it for them and either I want the teacher to be good enough to inspire them to want to do it, or I want them to find some self-discipline or simply respect the many reasons why they should do it.

DC3, who is y3 and has some phobias about certain types of work, I do not expect him to have the self-discipline and I think he will benefit from doing it regardless. So I have resolved to crack the whip & make him do homework and even extra work even for now on.

But my DC in y5 & y7... no. I won't get involved unless asked, either. They should want to do it by now.

When DD first started in Y7 she was uber-consciencious and panicked completely that she was doing everythig perfectly. DH and I, but mainly me, put in alot of support with helping her find stuff on the internet, present her work using the computer, and reassuring her that she was doing it right. But after a while she needed less and less support, and by after Christmas she only asked the odd question, etc.

I think it depends on the child as to how much/what kind of support they nee, but IMO most children will need quite a bit of support at least initially in Y7.

My dd has just started yr7, I check her homework planner every day and chat about what homework she has to do, making sure she understands it. She asks me for help if she needs it and I am more than happy to help, usually it is in the form of guidance/explaining what needs to be done then she goes off and does it. It is a nice bonding thing for us.

I'm probably a homework helicopter - but with good reason, I think.

DS has just started in yr8 and has a homework organiser, which I sign weekly to confirm work has been completed and it averages about an hour a night - sometimes more. Weekends can be four or five hours' worth.

He started yr7 as a bright-eyed keeny so I thought I'd leave him to it. But as yr7 progressed, tiredness and resentment set in - particularly when homework got heavy going (they started GCSE maths coursework last January). He developed a tendency to dash it off - particularly on weeks where there was a lot to get through and he just wanted to relax.

Now I check through it with him, particularly maths, to be sure he's grasped it and I'm convinced it's the right thing for him (we had some tearful scenes over gradients last year but we pressed on, he got it and even thanked me when he scored well in a test he would otherwise have flunked). And while I don't write work for him, I do make sure with subjects like history and English that he's put effort and original thought in, and talk to him about what he's written so I can be sure he's understood rather than regurgitated other sources.

He rails against me if he thinks I'm going too far and I try incredibly hard not to undermine his confidence (praising the good bits as an opening gambit, for example). At the same time I do think I'm signalling to him that his progress is important and worth investing time in.

My ds is just over a week into y7. I have made a conscious decision to take a step back this year with homework. He asked for help with one thing this week and I spent 10 minutes pointing him in the right direction.

He's come home tonight saying he's got maths homework, but can't find his maths book. I've just shrugged my shoulders (he's always losing stuff). It's his responsibility to find the book, do the work or have the detention. I can't keep propping him up.

I don't get involved at all unless asked.

your dd sounds like my ds grumpypants.. I guess I'll have to back out quite quickly. Mind you as I'm very arty and ds is a freaky maths boy, It'll only be a couple weeks until I don't understand the homework anyway

This is really interesting - Mine is Y8 and I really resent helping with homework! She is a massive perfectionist/ worrier and at grammar. My view is she should be able to do it, and should let her teachers know if it is too hard.

I don't want to relearn all the stuff I did, so helping is quite hard - I am super academic so can manage now, but as she gets older and does stuff i never learnt i won't be learning so i can help her iyswim?

She has a timetable (2 hrs a night) and I will explain a concept (algebra) if she asks, look at a presentation, or have ideas bumped off me. That's it.

I'm helping ds1 at the minute... I'm hoping it'll just be for a few weeks though.
He's at a grammar and getting 4 pieces a night...the problem is he is very slow, too much of a perfectionst,and just generally anal about it all.
So I've be jostling him along and doing a bit of colouring/sticking while he does the research/writing. He's getting great marks, but has set the standard too high to maintain imo.
This is very typical of his personality though, so I'm Not sure how to deal with it really. Any advice gladly received.

My ds started yr7 three days ago too. So far I have had a look at his homework book every day to see what he has written, even though by then he has probably told me anyway, and I have a look when he's finished it.

He's been very good about getting it done so far without any nagging, unlike last year! Here's hoping that lasts!

I think the main reason I'm looking so much so far is because all the books are new and I like to see what text books he has been given!

You're not going to be sitting next to DD when she takes her GCSEs, so she's got to do things on her own some time - sounds to me as if you've got it just right, being ready to help if asked but not helicoptering. That's how I've always played it with mine, anyway.