Harrow v eton

There is a different way of being from those who had to bond with their peers and hide their real emotions which seems to come for some many frmo boarding school. Now that might be the type of adult you wish to produce of course and I've been lauding the fact parents have choices int he UK (those of us sensible enough as women to pick well paid careers that is - some women choose to earn nothing much so deny their children choices). Not all feel that or emerge like that but I cannot see the point in taking that risk.

As I and someone else said above heaps of children will say everything is well because it's their personality to say that but it isn't well so you can't really just go by what they say.

I don't think criticism of day schools is anything to do with the boarding or day choice though. Plenty of day schools aren't "pushy" and I have incredibly laid back children and we certainly never had tutoring and all that stuff but we're not right in central London. I think children can be as confident at day schools and certainly my daughter mentioned a state/private school divide at her university in terms of ability to debate, verbal coherence and the like.

As for cost I've always thought it was fairly marginal. Some of mine has a choice to board had they particularly wanted it. Some of them still could if they chose to later. If they board they aren't daily asking for money for things as teenagers. I don't think the difference between day and boarding fees once you take account of that is particularly large so it wasn't really a fee issue for us..

Most of us want to have about us those whom we love. Those who love can find it hard to understand those sending away those they love for their own good, as if that depirvation of day to day interaction and love were somehow going to stand that person in good stead in future. It is a weird concept.

(I don't like to connect myself on different fora)

Your spelling is atrocious Yellow

MCS is more selective though and has introduced girls. So, spill, where did your three (is it 3) amazing girls go to?

Cambridge, obv.

Colleger 30% go to Oxford/ Cabridge from both Eton and MCS, so no difference at all.

As an ex-London day school girl who was never as a child aware of pressure, I'm horrified at the pressure I see now from London parents. Well, perhaps not pressure , but huge and quite vicious competitiveness. The N. London parents who frequently post on this forum are scary in this respect and deeply so. They could be atypical I suppose but my RL connections suggest not.

I'd hate mine to board even if I could afford the £240,000 pa after tax that I'd have to find out of excess income (haha), but there are plenty of boarding school kids at my elder DD's uni who really do seem to have the edge in terms of confidence and ability to adjust (perhaps Paulinas are in the same range). But that is certainly of value, beyond the academics.

My sentiments exactly pointissima.

But sending DS to boarding school STOPS me helicoptering and obsessing and generally living through him, my precious one and only. He has to get on with his life and I with mine, then we catch up with huge hugs on exeats

Indeed. It could be called "vicarious living through offspring

• that saddest of female occupations.

roar@cat too!

Most people that send their kids to Eton ar so lazy that they want the school to do it, so no expectations.

I think your statement about numbers of A levels at MCS is misleading. Average A Level core entries per student at Eton, according to the FT was 3.4 in 2009 and 3.5 for all entries, while at MCS it was 3.7 and 3.9 respectively. The less selective part of Eton's large intake would bring their average down a bit but the figures stand.

Anyway, except for Science inclined students where maths and further maths are a good idea on top of at least 2 sciences, 3 A Levels are fine and the fashion for 4, especially in essay heavy humanities subjects with little overlap in content, puts a burden on teenagers that is not required by universities and is onerous for all but the most able.

No doubt there are a fair few students of that calibre at both schools, including your high ability son, and their teachers will judge the workload they can happily bear, but it is simplistic and wrong from an educational perspective to imply that more A Levels=better.

roar @ cat
or 'destroying your childs life with the sheer weight of your expectations'

you guys need your own topic

and it is irritating that the thread about boarding has not had these comments.

MCS does not beat Eton. Less go to Oxbridge and they are only allowed to do 3 A'levels, 4 at a push. I would say that the teachers at Eton and Harrow are superior to all those as they get results from a far less selective intake.

We too moved our boys to country boarding schools so they could have a normal life away from the pushy London schools. Son's relaxed immediately.

Xenia, are you "Lydia" on another forum?

Off topic but DS went to board at 8 as a refugee from the competitive pushy atmosphere of his London school. He is very happy boarding.

On topic, we have DS down for Eton, Harrow and Winchester. He's not a dead cert. for any of them but, according to his head, stands a decent chance with each of them. We rather take the view that if any one of them selects DS, that will be the place which is right for him. In the unlikely event that more than one of them offers him a place we would probably choose Eton first (because DS probably needs a bit more structure than Winchester imposes), with Winchester probably but not certainly second: I love its academic approach but DS is shy and sweet and could probably do with a bit of Harrovian confidence. Harrow is certainly not for thick boys these days: thick boys go to Stowe. I keep reminding myself about the beauty of the gardens, just in case.

I just feel fabulously fortunate to be in a position to worry about any of this: they are all incredible schools. I do wish, however, that fewer boys' boarding schools had gone mixed, leaving more choice for those who don't make the cut into these three.

In terms of sheer academic horse-power, St Paul's and Magdalen College School, together with Westminster, probably beat all of these

Indeed, unlike some others, Xenia never stoops to personalized insults.

There's room for many opinions on boarding and schools. For example, I would not bother with either school as Winchester, Westminster and St Paul's appeal so much more...

It's a pity some of these comments are on this thread - which was about the pros and cons of two schools for those who have already made uo their minds about boarding, rather than this current one, which is about the pros and cons of boarding per se and where posters are still deciding what to do.

it is always right to question choices.

whether eton vs harrow, or boarding vs day.

my stepson turned down a place at eton. we have never really got a proper answer from him as to why he did. he went to King's Canterbury instead (I assume down to co-ed)

he was also not ready to board, and was a child who said he was ok, while really hating it. he was miserable for the first 2/3 years. but he would not hear of not going.

loved the 6th form, though, and really came into his own.

only time will tell whether his mother was right to push him into it (his sister was never expected to board, and in fact, was actively not allowed to when she eventually asked at 6th form to do so. nowt so queer as folk)

anyway: vaguely related to OP. Eton fab - was really lovely. has a lot to offer. one of dh's godson's (plus several brothers) are at Harrow. Am far less impressed with it as a school - both from visiting for sports/other activities, and wrt the boys they are turning into.

I love Xenia; she is one of the joys of Mumsnet I do too!

It doesn't denigrate parents who choose boarding to say that one should be watchful or cautious.

Xenia is right to say that boarding is not for everyone .Even at the most elite boarding schools there is a number of children whose children sometimes appear to be there out of convenience, who have limited contact with parents and who are let down by parents who cannot visit at the last moment or who are very happy to allow children to spend holidays with friends rather than at home.

These are usually nice, successful people (well they can get their hands on some serious money anyway) but a bit lacking in the parenting department as far as I am concerned though I acknowledge that with increasingly international student bodies, parenting styles will vary between cultures. Affluent neglect is real and thriving, though.

She is right too about day to day contact - children who board bring each other up to some extent. And that's an observation, not a criticism.

Boarding suits many children from secure backgrounds and sometimes those from less secure backgrounds for whom it may represent more security than home does.

arf @ this thread

I love Xenia; she is one of the joys of Mumsnet

It is very easy to make comments when one has never experienced sending a child to boarding school. In my opinion it is one of the best things a secure boy can do from the age of 13 and my son's have thrived at boarding school from the age of 8. They are frequently asked if they would prefer to be day boys at their current school and the answer is always no as they love it so much.

No solutions are perfect. The reported damage (and my own anecdotal observations) make me of the view that boarding is pretty risky edgeplay and that most parents don't choose to take those risks.

Do children really "ask" to board? How do they know it exists unless they are told unless it is a Malory Towers/Hogwarts fantasy from which the parent ought to disabuse them? How can they understand the reality of its curtailment and its long term effects on them? Is it ever the best for a child unless home life equals abuse, to be sent away?

Just because some parents beat or rape or burn their chidlren when the chidlren live at home or even simply ignore them doesn't mean that boarding is great. The two aren't linked. They do say though that parents who are pretty poor at parenting (I've known people where neither parent wanted the child in the boarding school holidays even and a court had to force the child on one or the other and stuff like that - even the Duke of Edinburgh I was reading as a child after his mother was put away in a psychiatric unit was virtually ignored by his father for years - for people like that then yes boarding might be best but not for most children)

So is a parent rejecting a child when a child asks to board or if the reason to board is because a parent wants the absolute best for their child and both child and parent know that boarding will be the best for them?

What about the mother and father who work all hours while kids are looked after by nanny? I would say that is more of a rejection!