To board or not at 13

DS prep offers a week-long trial boarding though some can stay only a few days in the time window. A buddy is accompanying the newbie, so there is a help all the time. The trial is available for both existing and new face, in a term before you applied for. About 90% of boys loves boarding after the trial. It's often the parents who 1) think their kids need parental care, or 2) want to keep them in their sight longer.

Some choir schools tend to charge minimum cost, since the school needs to run boarding facility for singing kids anyway. The one I know only adds ~£1.2 per term, which is equivalent to when you keep DC at home.

Chazs that sounds pretty much what we did for the DC. Like you say, losing 3 or 4 reg fees isn't the end of the world when we're trying to find the right fit. We were extremely lucky to find a school that suited all three, but we wouldn't have hesitated to send them to separate ones if that was what had suited. As I said - I think once the groundwork has been done by us, they need to be part of the decision making - they're the ones that will be spending 5 or 7 years there after all!

We're moving back to London towards the end of this year and I'll be starting the whole bloody schools things AGAIN with DD3 who starts in September 2013. Oh the joys...

Chazs I would gently put it on the table, but that's with my children iyswim. Mine were involved with the decision and they definitely wouldn't have gone if they didn't want to. We also looked at some of the London day schools like Jags, Alleyns, Dulwich and even Emmanuel, and I would have moved back if one of those were chosen (although DS may yet be going to Dulwich for 6th Form).

I agree with the fees - with some of them there is so little between day and boarding, which strikes me as odd.

goinggetstough - I was interested to see your DCs had gone to different senior schools, as that I what we are considering for ours. They didn't overlap at prep school, and would never be at the same senior school at the same time, and although the younger DC misses their older sibling, it hasn't stopped them having a very close bond.

Not offended!

I knew a family where it happened. Elder DC happily boarding, and remained so. Younger DC hated it, didn't settle at all, and the parents realised it was intractable and so arranged a day school and she moved at Easter.

Sorry Meditrina I didn't mean to offend you, but I have seen a Mother (a friend of mine) drop off an 8 year old to board for the first time and left saying exactly that. I could have cried at the time as it made it so much harder for her DC to settle. You are correct there are a few (very few in my personal experience which is limited to my DCs 3 schools where 3 have left due to not being suited to boarding) and as parents it is hard to be positive if they are a little bit homesick, but it is so important to be positive. That doesn't mean that you hide your emotions, but that you are careful how you show them.
Trial boarding sounds good in theory, but possibly would involve a few nights away and that is more like a sleep over and not the real thing. At my DCs prep school they had to go for a one night sleepover which helped the school make sure they were ready for boarding.

My three older children started boarding in Year 7 and are now in Years 12, 11 and 9. It was both a practical and wanted decision in that I live abroad and their father moved around a lot with his job.

They are at a co-ed and both the DDs, who are extremely academic, and our DS who is very sporty, have reached their full potentials. They have all loved their time at their school and neither they, nor us, have any regrets about sending them there. They are full boarders as that was what was needed at the start.

Both my ex husband and I were boarders and loved our school days and I know that our children have been and are extremely happy at their school.

I echo those above, though, in that your child in Year 4 will probably be a very different one towards the end of year 6/7/8 and it's wise to put names down at a few places. Go to the open days, talk to others on here who have children at the schools you are considering and, most importantly, involve your DS in the decision. What you think he will like and thrive in may be a different place to that which he prefers...

Trial boarding was mentioned on another thread - but I'm not sure how that would work. Has anyone done it?

goinggetstough: I didn't necessarily mean that you would tell the child that you had fallbacks in mind, but it's a factor that parents might want in theirs. Some homesickness might be part of normal settling, but some children (once actually boarding, rather than considering the prospect) might prove not suited at all.

Meditrina that is true but then you need to be alert to your children's needs at any school. However, if you start your child boarding and you are "ready" to look for a day school then I would suggest you will be sending out the wrong signals to the child. From experience DCs with parents who say if you don't like it you can move are not helping their child. I am not suggesting that one would leave a massively unhappy child in any school. If at the first sign of homesickness the child expects to leave (as DCs often see things in black and white) it will not help them settle.
Chaz ; My DCs boarded from age 8 as we were overseas, have had some homesickness in the early days and now the second DC is about to leave school and they have both enjoyed the boarding experience. We spent a lot of time matching the child to the school as I am sure you will do Chaz so although our DC were together for prep they went to different senior schools. This hasn't meant that they don't know each other, they have a very strong bond. They are always chatting to each other and sharing their experiences.

You need to be alert as your child settles in. Some children really do not take to boarding and if that is the case, you may need to be ready to look for an alternative day school.

Sounds like the same prep school Pointissima!

My DS is a different child since he started boarding, at 8; and in an entirely good way. He was very stressed and depressed by the pushy and competitive atmosphere of his London school and a bit sick of being an only child. He was also chronically shy and completely refused to participate in anything at which he was not very good (ruling out all sport).

He had a very hard first term; but is now lively, enthusiastic, full of fun and doing much better academically. The school is incredibly kind and really supportive of anything the boys want to do. He plays all sorts of games now, messes around in the woods, reads lots and lots of books and has friends who are like brothers. He's a bit gloomy the day he has to go back after the holidays; but the only thing he really dislikes is the fish pie.

An incidental upside is that he and his friends all have absolutely impeccable manners.

The more rural a school the less likely pupils will go home at the weekend.

On the subject of exeats do remember even with schools that say they don't have exeats( as in a 3 day weekend where the school closes) many do allow pupils to leave school after games on a Saturday afternoon and not return until Sunday evening for a certain number of weekends per term.
I agree with Happy Gardening about asking the full boarding question.. I would go one stage further and ask how many children were in last weekend in my child's year group. Some schools have a large sixth form with a high percentage of boarders and this can affect the average.

Other factors to consider is holidays. Some schools do not have Exeats and I would hate that but for an overseas parent this may be essential. I'm sure there are lots more but I know for a fact that Oundle and Dean Close Senior School have no Exeats.

An Exeat is a 3-4 day holiday between the start/end of term and half term so usually in week 2/3 and week 8/9 of term.

good advice there from happygardening.

A friend' s son started weekly boarding at 13 this year - not quite their plan but they hope to move house later this year. When they told him that the move was finally in the offing, his first comment was to ask if he could PLEASE stay boarding. I think a lot comes down to the temperament of the child and how well they fit the school.

Both my DS's have ful/weekly boarded since 7 yrs old. I think in general that there is no particular type of personality that it is more suited to as there are all types at their school. Although I suspect if you were very reclusive you would find it difficult. As with so many other things it rises and falls on its implementation. At senior schools the house master is the key person in this process and in many schools you can choose your house. Don't be influenced by others find one that you like. The other important factor in making boarding work is that you need your sons fellow boarders to be in the same situation as he is. So if you want full boarding look at schools that only do full boarding. Many claim too but I found that when asked "how many were actually in last weekend?" most schools are in reality only have a handful of full boarders in each house. Eton Winchester and Harrow are all full boarding schools.
One final comment boarding is not for parents who have to be in control all the time and when I tell other parents that my children have boarded from an early age that is the thing that ultimately puts many off even if they wont admit it!

For DC1 it was regular moves with DH's job, including the possibility of going overseas (which happened a couple of years after DC1 started). The location of our chosen school meant that occasional/weekly boarding was not an option, so it was all or nothing. In any case we knew that full boarding would need to happen sooner or later, and it meant that we were around to help with the settling in period. For DC2 it was because DC did not settle where we were living overseas and wanted to be like their sibling.

When making up our minds we agreed that the continuity of education, the friendships DC would make and the quality of the education outweighed our selfish wish to drag them with us everywhere we went. By education, I don't just mean the academic side of life, but the sport, drama and music all there on tap and encouraged. I can't imagine how you would fit all that in without living at school .

Because we were in the UK to start with, we were able to go to school events, support DC at matches, school plays, sports days etc and feel very much part of the school community.