Unreasonable Teacher.....

'The teacher can't control them'
That's because we have no sanctions that work against the truly hard cases and shock collars are banned by various international laws.

Some children are so damaged in various ways by the time they hit school that it takes years to try and establish some kind of relationship with them built on liking or understanding or compromise, and that's in primary.
If that fails, it's so much harder in secondary.
Cheeky chappies sometimes succeed in RL, but sometimes they end up unemployable or unable to be trusted with anything of import.

"The teacher can't control them" is one of my least favourite (and oft repeated) comments. Why should the teacher HAVE to "control" them. Are they a bunch of animals? If a child gets to secondary school with a lack of SELF control, it's hardly the fault of a teacher, is it?

you absoutley have the problem bang to rights here

" whilst I acknowledge that my DS is a pain in the bum SOMETIMES, this isnt a regular, consistent pattern of behaviour"

the problem is that in English it is a regular, consistent pattern of behaviour as you have already pointe dout

YABU

your child is behaving like a brat and you are condoning it - repeatedly

this is why he is at the stage he is

he is seen as a disruptive influence and he has a lot of work to do to prove that he isn't

take his mobile off him, give his xbox to school - tell him he can have them back when he has checked his attitude and is doing much better in school

That's true- but I think it's very easy to expect a lot more of teachers than they really should have to give...it must be v. scary to stand in front of a class of smart alecks who think they all count and think rationally and then care about the little twits who don't even think themselves.

Sorry if my post was a bit strong. But teachers shouldn't have to be doing the disciplining...the kids should be filing into school ready for learning/boredom, and "ready" should mean heads up, mouths closed, minds switched on, regardless of their fusses re: "I can't possibly concentrate without my iPod" etc. In the end, kids will be the victims- in a roundabout way. If they are put at the centre of everything, what message are they going to get? We're surrounded by an atmosphere which has only been around for the last 10-20 years...it's hard to deal with the consequences without a prototype. And, as you say, if figures of authority don't stick to their guns, what hope do we have of maintaining anything else than what we've got?

"Ive had many calls from his Year head, all relating to very minor and petty incidents during english lessons, something I would expect any decent teacher to handle as part of normal day to day teaching"

Yes, this is exactly the kind of reasoning which eases kids into the mindset of "let's not bother making an effort, we can get away with anything, we'll put in 30% and the teacher will just have to make up the other 70%". Then the teacher turning a blind eye on everything (inc. bullying, in the end) will still be railed against as "useless", kids twenty years younger than them being all disparaging and proud about the fact that "they can't even control us".

Sorry not much useful to add, I just get a bit fed up with this kind of attitude.

But, Mumslife, the parents of the bullies are all paying big bucks too: how keen do you think the business is to lose that?

No it was not you it was on the exclusion post it was onceamai. In my friends experience the private school would not accept the school had a bullying problem and would not address it. My childs scool has excluded 14 pupils in eight months so it cannot be that hard.

ohceamai, you do seem to be contradicting yourself on the bullying issue! but whatever the facts in your daughter's case I wish you well in your quest to find the perfect school for her but I too know of a child who was bullied at a private school. There are good and bad schools in both the private and public.

In the exclusion post you say your daughter comes home in tears , why would you not call this bullying. May be you should accept this.

I'm aware you can't change schools when they are in the middle of exams which is precisely why she is changing after Year 8 - because I can't risk her future academic success any longer and I am satisfied that disruption during lessons will be dealt with at the new school. Believe me, my dd hasn't been bulllied, I am only too well aware of what happens to the girls who have been and my dd is just upset because she has witnessed it. I have had four meetings with the headteacher and many informal discussions with senior governors; the reason they cannot permanently exclude two to three ill behaved and disruptive girls is because they have to continue to pay for them to educated and budgets at present are very tight. I disagree with this requirement and a system that allows children like this to remain in an environment that is otherwise very good just to rain on the parade of everyone else in the community.

No you did not mention bullying but that is what I would call it. My friends DD went to a private school and her life was made a misery by bullying. You cant just change schools when they are in the middle of exams .

cinpin, I don't think I mentioned bullying, I mentioned persistent low level disruptiveness and generally poor behaviour that prevents learning for the majority. I have an older child already in the independent sector and believe me the disruption of learning just doesn't persist. The miscreants are invited to leave and if they weren't invited to leave the parents of the majority would vote with their feet and the school would lose 12k per annum per child.

oncamai does the school not have an antibullying policy? Your daughter sounds lovely but bullying still goes on in private schools.

Megmog your son sounds like a normal teenager hope he gets on better tomorrow.

Thankyou sunshine nanny this proves my point so glad that your friends son went on to uni and is doing well, and it was a personality clash with the first teacher.

Cardibach if you read back you willsee that the teacher did say this and not in the way you have put it, and I hope the OP sons gets an apology from her. If you speak to children with respect you normally get it back.

Jill72 Teachers do sometimes develop an undeserved dislike of a child and can, whether intentional or not take that to the level of a form of bullying.

I'm sure the mentor who sat in on cinpin's ds lessons had no reason to lie when he confirmed the boy's complaint that he was being picked on. Many years ago a teacher suggested to a friend of mine that her primary age son was uncontrollable and should be statemented as special needs. her doctor disagreed and his next teacher commented on what a delightful child he was to teach. He's now a happy well balanced young man doing well at university.

A professional teacher does not tell any child they will amount to nothing or that SEN children are somehow inferior. As a nanny who has worked with special needs children this attitude is wrong.

Having said that I realise many teachers are excellent at thier job, but it's wrong to assume they can never be wrong. All professions have good and bad members and this can cause problems.

The poster is not saying her son is an angel, or that his recent behaviour was acceptable but the teacher does not appear to have handled matters very well.

Glad you have resolved this sensibly, OP.
On the topic of the teacher's words, though, is it possible she said something like 'You are failing to achieve your potential, you have no SEN so have no reason to go into the bottom set, but if you don't work harder you will fail your exams and not make the most of your life'? I still don't really like the reference to SEN, mind you, it is unnecessary if it was made.
I know comments such as I have suggested from teachers are often represented by pupils as something similar to what your son reports.

he was a failure, would end up in the bottom set with the SEN kids, would fail his exams and never make anything of himself

If the teacher truly did say that I would say you need to make a complaint about the teacher and a written apology made by the teacher to DS and yourself.

Your son's reaction to call her a name means that he should be disciplined by the school and yourself, but I can understand why he reacted in anger to such an unprofessional and derogatory comment. Teachers deal with low level behaviour every day and must remain the adults in the situation which means not stooping to public humiliation and put downs.

Aside from this I would say that you need to come down hard on your DS for not doing his homework, classwork and disrupting classes as it will not only affect his future grades and chances, but also affects the education of other children in his class.

Then I'm afraid I say, three strikes at tooting and they are out of the classroom. It is low level, it is minor in itself but there is no way the disruption by two or three should be allowed to prevent the learning of 27. The funding needs to change so that there are more special units for the unteachable. It can't be fun for teachers and it certainly isn't fun for those who want to learn.