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Original poster

Angry with DS for quitting 6thForm but want to be supportive .

36 replies

gingeroots · 15/04/2011 12:10

Can anyone advise me here - I'm terribly upset ,disappointed ,fearful for DS future ,but feel I need to get past all this and be more positive .
DS in 3rd year of sixth form .
Last year he panicked/couldn't cope and school came up with plan for him to take one A level last summer ( plus some resits ) and then carry on and do 2 more this year .
He didn't exactly pull it out of the bag with the one A level and got a D in Biology .Resits were up by 2 grades.
This year he's been studying for Physics ,Bio and Chemistry .
He started well ,commendations from school ,but got bad unit results and mocks after Christmas .
School says massive improvement in understanding ,good in class - but it's not translating into exam grades .
Pep talk from head of science to the few who aren't doing well ," disastrous grades ,work every minute etc,etc . " .
Cue collapse of DS .
With his AS grades and one A level he has sufficient points for his insurance choice ,and they've agreed he can switch to make them a firm .
DS cannot be persuaded that it's worth taking A2 modules in summer or that even one more A level at a low grade is better than dropping out now .
He cries ,says he can't take being " the bottom rung " all the time .

( DS reports conversations with subject teachers in agreement with his choice " no point having a nervous breakdown taking the A2's if you're going to end up at insurance choice anyway " )

I suppose my stumbling block is his lack of effort . I've always felt he could try harder. For me anxiety spurs me on to work harder ,with him difficulty and failure make him give up .
How can I help him change that response ?
How can I hide my frustration and frankly anger with him and get behind his plan B ?
And we won't even get started on what a failure I feel ...

OP posts:
triskaidekaphile · 15/04/2011 12:55

He does sound like a sweetie. Where do you live? Are there any local volunteering projects he could join? Or paid work opportunities? There are a few city farms near us that employ young people to work with the animals and younger kids. Anything like that he could do?

iamabadger · 15/04/2011 12:49

My heart breaks for him ginger because that was mostly my problem too, and he sounds very sweet and well suited to caring roles from what you say, maybe child nursing? Doing a practical, vocational job has done wonders for my confidence, I'm 25 now and in a senior role, run the ward and am no longer backwards in coming forwards Grin so it really does get better. 18 is so young, and you just don't realise it at the time, until you've got through those horrible shy years when you don't know what on earth you want to do but are made to feel like you must decide (I mean by society, not by you as a parent, yo sound really supportive!)

triskaidekaphile · 15/04/2011 12:46

X post. The animal studies course sounds great! Do you think he could get a job in a vet in the mean time?

belledechocchipcookie · 15/04/2011 12:44

Is there someone at the school who's in charge of pastoral care/counsellor? It may help if he speaks to them.

He can go to college and retake them at a different time when he feels ready if this is what he wants to do so it's not the end of the world. I'd look for something in the areas that he enjoys though, chemistry, physics and biology are very hard A'level subjects, chemistry especially (I failed the AS 3 times). It won't help his self esteem at all as it either clicks or it doesn't.

Wishing you all well.

triskaidekaphile · 15/04/2011 12:43

It's good he has an insurance offer, though i totally understand you feeling disappointed that he can't stick with the course and try a bit harder. I have a 12 year old with whom this is just the sort of scene i can envisage in the future! Such a fine line between making them feel too pressured and not being tough enough, ime. What is he going to do between now and October if not his A levels? I think i would concentrate on that. That's six months and the last thing a teenager going through a rough patch and feeling a bit low needs is the opportunity to do nothing IMO. I think I would try being strict about him HAVING to do something. School, alternative college course, voluntary work or employment all acceptable. Sitting about moping not acceptable.

frantic51 · 15/04/2011 12:40

I'd chill ginger, sounds like the foundation course he's going to do is just the job and, speaking of jobs, he /could use the time between now and September more usefully by getting a job? Might help him along the way to maturity a bit, responsibility, managing his own money and whatnot. Not to mention giving him a bit of a financial "cushion" when he starts his new course if he can discipline himself to save some of his wages. He may not need it, you may be loaded! Grin But it's all the more satisfying, at his age, to have provided something for yourself imho

VivaLeBeaver · 15/04/2011 12:35

How about going to college and doing something like a BTEC. I'm crap at exams and did a BTEC in Business and Finance instead of 6th form - its course work based but a-level equivelent. I went on to uni and did a degree with it.

Original poster
gingeroots · 15/04/2011 12:33

iamabadger - yes definitely huge lack of confidence .

OP posts:
Original poster
gingeroots · 15/04/2011 12:31

Thanks Kez.
I think the same about academia and DS ,trouble is he's really quite immature ,lacks social skills ,sort of always getting wrong end of stick ,stuck in a daydream .
He's not shown any practical bent and has no leaning at all towards plumbing ,electrical type stuff .
Possibly child care ,nurturing type things - he's kind and patient ,more comfortable with people younger than him .
The Foundation Degree ( which he wants to do ) is in Animal Studies ,and might be more his level and give him time to grow up a bit .
Tho ideally a break and any job would be great for him - but neither he nor I really know where to start with that ,and he's kind of set on going to college .

OP posts:
iamabadger · 15/04/2011 12:29

Does he have a career in mind? I did well at school but HATED 6th form, even now i can't pinpoint why. However, I only left because I was planning to be a nurse anyway, and my GCSE's were good enough for me to do a Higher Diploma, so went and got some practical experience to support my application. I then went on to train at a "proper" uni anyway. If I hadn't had the option to do my chosen career via another route, I think me mum would have been a lot less happy for me to leave before geting my A-Levels. So it really depends on his future plans. Could he take a year out then start them afresh? Is it a confidence issue rather than an ability issue?

Kez100 · 15/04/2011 12:18

Is he really cut out for academic study? Maybe a break where he gets a job, any job, and he may go back to it later on. Or would he be happier pursuing a more practical career...say plumbing or being an electrician.