Should I send my DD to an academic school when she is 'average' ?

I thought that research has actually disproved the comonly held belief that girls do better in single, boys in mixed sex groups?

But I would expect individual children to have different preferences and responses to that, anyway.

My daughter went to a single sex academic school for several years. We had a horrible experience and she was very unhappy. We changed school in January and I did cry when she told me 'Mummy, I don't feel stupid any more.' This new school is mixed sex, still good academically but so much more holistic.

However, there are children considered average who really will be improved by being pushed. I think it very insulting to tell you she 'snuck in' - that type of insensitivity (which we had in spades at my DD"s previous school) may give you an indication of their academic snobbery.

I would disagree in part with the research about single sex schools. What is the argument? That they are less distracted? Most girls at my DD's previous school obsessed with boys just the same. My daughter's current school really works on teaching them to have kind and non-toxic relationships with boys - they are not aliens. If you take very academic girls and squeeze 'em - of course the results will be better. Also sorry but my daughter's last school was TERRIBLE with art and creativity. They could choose art OR music at GCSE and the headmistress told me that generally, art was a waste of time. Lucky that Babs Hepworth or any other artist of note went there then!

You know your child best. I understand the dilemma though - it's awful...

I hate to say it as a socialist who really believes in proper comprehensives without the top creamed off by grammars (and with 3 boys)...but girls do get more opportunities in single sex schools and are more likely to do 'boy' subjects such as physical sciences etc. Boys actually do better in mixed ed generally. The girls' influence is good for them, but girls?

We found research from the Good Schools Guide really helpful. They have a good argument in that girls of average ability tend to do better at single sex schools. Also girls' schools tend to cater better for creative subjects. Try not to compare you 2 dds - most good schools will recognise their differences and nurture their talents.

Oh, don't cry!

What does SHE want to do?

I would go with that.

If she's hugely enthusiastic to go, let her. If she sees it as being that shes won the place, and its her choice, she'll be motivated to do her best.

What message would it give her if you overrode her choice and sent her to the other school?

crunched I agree with Blu and your last sentence "but if she were my first child and not my third wouldnt I be up for the challenge and back her all the way " to me speaks volumes. I think she must have done extremely well to be 15th on the list anyway and who is to know how many marks there were between her and the last child who got admitted? I think it is only natural to compare our children but if she is over the moon and always wanted to go there I would let her go. At the end of the day if she does find it hard I am sure that if it is a good school they will be able to reassure her and support her. Good Luck

I was an average child sent to a large comp and was left to rot, I wouldn't think twice about sending my average child to an academic school.

She will rise to the challenge.

I went to a selective school and I know some of the girls who were at the lower end felt that they had missed out on opportunities they might have had at other schools - being on the debating team, or stuff like that. Tbh, I'm not sure if they would have been the top anywhere.

As for me, I did badly in the first few years ( I think today I would have been diagnosed with add ) but did really well in the last few years and thrived in the academic environment. I'm so glad I went to that school.

Also, I don't think whether she got in on the waiting list or with the first offers is a predictor of future success. If she is keen to go, I would send her and hopefully her enthusiasm will help her along.

And don't forget that lots of people use the 'don't put them in if you think they might struggle' line to try and ward off the competition for their own possibly borderline case

If she's passed the test to get in, and would enjoy the wider environment, then why not? Especially as she may excel in sport and music at that school?

if she hates academic work, has a very uninterested attitude to learning, or is a perfectionist who couldn't cope with others sometimes doing better, then it may not suit - for it's academic or competitive emphasis (if it has one).

How does she feel about the single-sex school?

Don't do her down just because she is not as academically whizzing as her sister - she can't be 'average' if she passed the test, and the oversubscription for an academic selective school will have been huge - someone 15th on the waiting list will be v v close to the last 10 who got in on the forst ist, I bet you. The selective school in our area has a variation of about 3% within the test results that gain admission!

I wouldn't send my child to a school where she had 'snuck' in.

I know someone has to be at the bottom level of ability in any environment. But I would not chose it for my child iyswim.

Actually dd was offered two places. One was a ' hooray, come join us' offer. The other was ' well....after thinking about it...'
We took the yee- ha school.