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Original poster

Bereavement in schools - help!!

146 replies

missdisorganised1 · 09/01/2011 08:30

It has been 11 months since my Mum and Dad were killed. My Nan and Granddad looked after me after the accident until I was 18 but since I was 18 (October last year) I have been living in the family home on my own.

The school staff know all this so why do I still get some school letters addressed to my Mum and Dad. The last one only this last Friday. I?ve tried ignoring it, mentioning it to the Head of the Sixth Form and I even wrote to the Chair of Governors (who wrote back to my parents rather than me which was a "nice" touch)

I am just getting so stressed by this and need to vent somewhere. Sorry!

OP posts:
Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 23/07/2011 17:46

I got back from Malta a few days ago and now I really do have to sort Mum and Dad's clothes and possessions. My best friend is going to help me because I really didn't want adult company around for this job. (No I don't know why either, just the way it is).

I have also looked at the gravestones on-line. I really would like to put something about that they died together in a road accident so would my aunt but GParents are very anti this. More trauma.

Not too long until the exam results now.

OP posts:
JWIM · 03/07/2011 17:47

Missd
The holiday is a great idea.
Sorting out your mum and dad's possessions is quite a task. Do draw on the help of those around you if you feel you do not want to do it alone - it may be a chance to share happy memories of your mum and dad.

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 02/07/2011 09:01

Based on talking to the trustees (and to people here) I think I have decided what to do. If I get the grades to go to uni I will rent out the family house and live in the halls of residence during term time and live with my Nan and Grandad during the holidays. I don't think I will be able to manage financially unless I do this.

I am in urgent need of a holiday so I am going to Malta with three friends from school. This will be the first time I have been abroad without Mum and Dad.

When I get back I must do a job I have been dreading. That is sorting out and giving away Mum and Dads clothes and their possessions and also sorting out a proper stone for the cemetery. You have to leave it 12 months or more after the funeral.

OP posts:
beachyhead · 01/07/2011 13:02

How's it going? Were the trustees helpful? and more importantly, have you any nice plans for the summer break.....

beatofthedrum · 27/06/2011 16:24

Congratulations on getting through your exams! Sounds like you have every reason to hope you've done really well.
I hope this marks the start of the next stage of your life - preparing for university (this summer might feel a bit long but there will be a lot to look forward to, keep posting to get you there) where you will live with others in an age-appropriate environment and hopefully have the chance to make strong friendship bonds and have a little fun.
What a brave and strong girl you are. You have earned success in your exams and that is just one achievement amongst many. I so hope the future holds happiness for you.

RantyMcRantpants · 27/06/2011 15:47

Well done on getting through your exams. Was thinking of you today.

Why don't you do a budget planner to show your trustees when they come.
You could use something like THIS Don't fill in the bits you don't need.

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 27/06/2011 14:07

Now my exams are over I suppose I count as having officially left school. As I walked out from the exam room I was intercepted by the Head of Sixth Form who took me to see the Head Teacher. They said all sorts of nice things about me and I am going to be awarded the Overcoming Adversity prize at the Celebration of Achievement event held in September. It felt strange walking out of the school for the last time especially are there are still lessons going on for most groups. Everything seemed remote and unreal.

I?m in a daze at the moment. I seem to been focused on these exams for as long as I can remember and I don?t know what I will do with all my free time. I am going to be so disappointed if I don?t get the grades but I?m quite hopeful that I will. Fingers crossed. A group of us are going out tonight ? nothing too expensive.

The first job is to get the house tidied up as the trustees who look after my money are coming to visit me tomorrow morning. We need to discuss money (again) as my lodger is leaving soon and I need to know how much money I am going to be allocated.

OP posts:
JWIM · 26/06/2011 21:45

Very best wishes for the last exam and fingers crossed that all your hard work will get the results you need.

RantyMcRantpants · 26/06/2011 21:29

Hope all goes well tomorrow, will be thinking of you.

caesar04 · 26/06/2011 21:09

Good luck for tomorrow x x

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 26/06/2011 20:51

I have finish revising! My last exam (Physics) is tomorrow and if I don't know it now I never will. I don't think I could have done any more than I have so if I don't get what I need it was because I wasn't good enough. I have got to get 280 points (BBC) to go to my nearest university to study Forensic and Applied Biology.

I don't think I believe in heaven and hell but if my Mum and Dad are looking down at me: I know you didn't mean to leave me behind when you had to go to where ever you go after a sudden death. It just wasn't my time yet.

As Juba says in Gladiator "I will see you again... but not yet... Not yet!"

OP posts:
beachyhead · 25/06/2011 13:38

Have you finished yet???? Sounds like you must nearly be there? Good Luck if this is the last weekend of studying for a while..... What are you doing at Uni? Thinking of you

DanFmDorking · 23/06/2011 02:06

Hello there ? I just wanted to pass on a few points from my daughter who had a fantastic time at University

  1. Buy a big marker pen to write your name on your food if you're sharing a fridge.. also there's no need to fill the fridge up with 5 margarine tubs and stuff like that so share a few things and save room!!

  2. If you share a place in halls then make sure everyone pulls their weight and does their own washing up and stuff... and if the cheeky sods start nicking your clean plates cos they're too lazy to wash their own then lock them up in your room (I had to do that)

  3. Don't get the room nearest the front door the constant banging as people go in and out will drive you mad!!!

  4. Take white tac instead of bluetac for putting pictures on walls - leaves less marks!!!

Can your school (or 6th form college) help you prepare for University life?
How many more exams have you got left?

Good Luck
Dan

caesar04 · 21/06/2011 21:42

Hello missdis

I just wanted to say that you are coping amazingly well and am sending you lots of good vibes for the last few of your exams. I think you are a total star.

I went through a similar situation when my Mum died of cancer and then my Grandpa had a massive heart attack 2 days after Mum so we had a double funeral, his death was a huge shock. Mum was a single parent so Grandpa was very much my father figure.
I was 17 and doing A levels too and all that you have said about stupid admin people rings so true... obviously not much changed in the last 17 years!

I was fortunate in that I have a brother and sister so not living alone as you are although it was very weird going with my older brother to my little sisters parents evening!!

But it does get easier and as you get older you meet more people whose parents have died, its very isolating when you are young and none of your peers can understand, you sound like you have accessed the right support though.

Anyway please keep your chin up, I hope that you can find a lodger for the summer and that all goes well with uni.

Please message me if you want to chat.

x x

RantyMcRantpants · 21/06/2011 21:24

Wow! what an amazing person you are. I admire you, I really do.

When you go to uni I would suggest hanging on to the house and renting it out as an investment.

trumpton · 21/06/2011 19:19

When you go to university take a door wedge with you. The doors are self closing and sometimes it's nice to wedge door open and chat to people in the corridor ....easier to make friends....This was a tip from DD.

JWIM · 21/06/2011 14:50

Hope all went as well as you were wishing for Physics. That's behind you now, on to the next....

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 21/06/2011 05:26

It is an A2 physics exam this morning which is why I woke up at 4:45. This is the one that I am most confident about based on the mock results this year.

This time next week it will all be over.

Beachyhead - I am going to the local university and yes they have agreed to give me priority for living in Halls "given my circumstances". I am also meeting with the Trustees late next week to discuss money and my lack of it now my lodger has given in her notice. (This is very sad as I liked her (a young widow) but she has a new job in Belfast.

OP posts:
beachyhead · 20/06/2011 09:57

Wow, you are doing great stuff.....

I haven't posted before, but just wanted to add how well you are doing.

I think Halls would be a great idea for Uni, puts you right in the middle of the student community. And opt for catered too if you can so you give yourself a break from cooking....more fun eating together. If you mention your circumstances and reasons for wanting Halls, you may get priority (you certainly should!)

And I guess before you go, you should make contact with Cruise or the other agencies you've been helped by and find their local offices wherever uni is going to be....

Good luck for the next couple of weeks. have you got any plans for the long summer break to look forward to? Now that is something the trustees should be providing additional cash for.

bumpybecky · 20/06/2011 09:49

I hope the rest of your exams go well.

You sound so incredibly strong. I am amazed at how you're managing everything, I know there's no way I could have handled it all when I was your age. Your Mum and Dad would be so proud.

3littlefrogs · 20/06/2011 09:45

You sound amazing missd. I feel sure you are going to do very well, you sound like a very strong person and if you were my daughter I would be very very proud.

Just a small suggestion - do you shop online at all for your groceries/bulky things? That would save you some time and effort.

Are your friends and their parents supportive?

Lots of luck with the exams.

All the parents on here will be sending you positive vibes.

DooinMeCleanin · 20/06/2011 09:33

Good luck for your exams.

You sound like an amazingly strong young lady. You are doing yourself and your parents proud. Any mother and father would be honoured to have a daughter as strong, sensible and independant as you sound.

trumpton · 20/06/2011 09:32

Thinking of you and sending you lots of good wishes . Chin up chicken . You are doing so well. Your Mum and Dad would be so proud of you.

barleywood · 20/06/2011 09:30

Thinking of you as you sit your exams. I hope they go well.

As you say, hang on in there, and do your best.

JWIM · 20/06/2011 09:16

Why not let all of us know how your exams are going? We are all hoping for the very best outcome for you and would be delighted to hear that you are coping.

Fingers crossed for the next few days - not that you will need that - I think you are very well prepared.