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Original poster

Bereavement in schools - help!!

146 replies

missdisorganised1 · 09/01/2011 08:30

It has been 11 months since my Mum and Dad were killed. My Nan and Granddad looked after me after the accident until I was 18 but since I was 18 (October last year) I have been living in the family home on my own.

The school staff know all this so why do I still get some school letters addressed to my Mum and Dad. The last one only this last Friday. I?ve tried ignoring it, mentioning it to the Head of the Sixth Form and I even wrote to the Chair of Governors (who wrote back to my parents rather than me which was a "nice" touch)

I am just getting so stressed by this and need to vent somewhere. Sorry!

OP posts:
Dozer · 20/08/2011 20:30

Congratulations!

Waltons · 20/08/2011 16:41

Glorious news missd and I am so happy for you! Enjoy the celebrations and all the excitement of preparing for uni.

Your surrogate mums will still be here if you need us. :)

JWIM · 19/08/2011 10:04

MissD - many, many well deserved congratulations - fantastic results. Hope that you had a chance to tell your aunt and uncle and that you will soon be able to speak to grandparents. Hope you and your friends had a great celebration. Here's to a successful time at university and a bright future.

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 18/08/2011 17:21

People here have been very kind to me, especially today. I haven't managed to speak to my Nan or Granddad yet, they are on a coach tour until Sunday and instead of taking the mobile phone and leaving the list of contact details they did it the other way round.

The estate agent sounded pleased when I confirmed that I would be wanting to rent the house out but that's it so far apart from Mumsnet people. The aunt and uncle who help look after my finances get back from work about 6 or 6:30 so they are next on the list.

OP posts:
Grockle · 18/08/2011 16:07

Will done MissD Smile

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 18/08/2011 15:12

Another who's just read your thread.

Fantastic news, very well done. I'm sure everyone at MN, who has seen your story, is really delighted for you. Grin

cat64 · 18/08/2011 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

katz · 18/08/2011 14:06

congratulations - well done you

Pippaandpolly · 18/08/2011 12:26

I haven't posted on your thread before but have just read the whole thing and wanted to say a massive congratulations. One of my students lost her Dad last year and also got her A2 results today-I'm very proud of her and I'm sure a lot of people are very proud of you too. Enjoy celebrating Smile

cornsilx · 18/08/2011 12:15

well done Smile

activate · 18/08/2011 12:14

OMG massive congratulations - well done you you obviously worked extremely hard and you have done incredibly well

good for you

SoupDragon · 18/08/2011 12:14

Congratulations! :)

boohoohoo · 18/08/2011 12:12

Shed?

boohoohoo · 18/08/2011 12:10

Congratulations!, read your post and shed and welled up at such wonderful news, your parents would be so proud of you. have an amazing time tonight x

MysteriousHamster · 18/08/2011 11:49

Congrats, those are fantastic results! When you do find out where you'll be living on campus? Will it be easy enough to rent the house out?

Congrats again :)

landed · 18/08/2011 11:24

Hi missdisorganised1 I haven't posted before as I haven't had anything extra or of use to add, but now and again I have seen your postings and been extremely impressed by you. I just wanted to say you are FANTASTIC, congratulations and you really do deserve to go far. I hope you enjoy your time at uni. Have a lovely night out celebrating.

PercyPigPie · 18/08/2011 11:17

Well done Smile. You are amazing.

archfiend · 18/08/2011 10:46

That's fantastic, many congratulations and have a lovely night out with your friends!

Leverkusen · 18/08/2011 10:35

Well done! You've done so well! I am sure your parents wod have been extremely proud

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 18/08/2011 10:28

I did it ? I got the grades I needed and I?m off to uni as planned!! I needed 280 points, which is a BBC, and I managed to get ABB.

The Head of the Sixth form was lurking and clearly looking out for me when I arrived at school and I could tell by her broad smile that I didn?t have anything to worry about. She was very kind and made a special fuss of me knowing that I didn?t have parents outside in the carpark or on the other end of the phone. In the past I have moaned about the school sometimes being rather casual or cruel but today they got 10/10 for the way they handled it.

I think all of my friends got the grades they needed and six of us are going out tonight. I saw two girls and 1 lad in tears so something went wrong for them and I saw one parent having a real shout at a teacher, "Why didn't you warn us!!!"

Can I say to the people here that have supported me, thank you, you did make a difference.

OP posts:
wigglybeezer · 14/08/2011 15:58

Can I suggest that you write a diary or do a video diary of your reactions and feelings on important occassions. There may not be anyone to share those experiences with you now but there will be in the future. Your children would be fascinated!

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 14/08/2011 15:51

Next Thursday is probably one of the most important days of my life - A2 resullts day.

Pass or fail, either way, I don't have anybody to share it with who will really care much either way. And that sucks, big time!!!

OP posts:
Waltons · 31/07/2011 22:04

MissD

Sorry to have been away from this thread for a while - MN doesn't pick up on new posts that well for occasional posters like me.

You have done so well -sorting out you mum & dad's stuff must have been so hard for you. Well done on getting throught the exams, and I will be waiting with fingers crossed for the results.

I am so glad that the school finally woke up and recognised what you have been through, and that you had some time in Malta with good friends.

Keep going - I will try to check in when I can.

Original poster
missdisorganised1 · 26/07/2011 15:44

Well I have done it. I've sorted out Mum and Dad clothes and taken the nicer items to a local charity shop. It wasn't nearly as bad I had thought it was going to be but I'm glad I had a friend with me. I've also sorted through the books and magazines that they had collected over the years. I've kept a few, including the ones they were in the middle of when they got killed, but most have gone to a different charity shop. Finally all their more personal possessions have been listed and the family can have anything that I don't want for myself. I'm going to keep Mum's engagement and wedding rings - perhaps for me to us myself when I get older. I'm keeping the photos and a few recordings with Mum and Dad's voices on.

Now I have just got to wait for the exam results. Hopefully I will get the grades I need.

OP posts:
JWIM · 24/07/2011 11:49

Missd

Hope you had a great time away. Good that you have a friend who can help you sort out your Mum and Dad's possessions. You might want to ask family if there is any item that they might want as a memento, having first decided what you want to keep for you and your future family - they will want to 'know' your mum and dad too.

As for gravestones - well - I would say try to do what seems right now. It may be that sometime in the future a different form of words might have seemed 'better'. To give an example, we have buried two babies and on both we put 'fell asleep' as it seemed a gentler description than 'died' which I had no difficulty with then or now. In a way it was to make reading the gravestone 'easier' for others, less stark. Now, some years on, I feel it would have been more honest to have 'died' but I won't be doing anything to change it - as I can't change the fact that we sang 'All things bright and beautiful' at both funerals, even though I really didn't like it but - 'what you do for one child you do for the other' logic applied!

For me, I can see that you would want to record that your mum and dad died together - is the issue for your Grandparents mentioning the way they died in a road accident? You know how they died. Would a gravestone(s) saying they died together be enough for you and suit wider family?

As with many things you will have experienced since your mum and dad died, I think this may be one of those times where you, once again, may have to be the 'better person' and find a way forward that helps others deal with your parents' deaths.

Let us know, if you want to, how the results go.