send my daughters to two different schools-good idea?

I'd take the place for your younger DD, particularly if this school will suit her needs better.
It is hard, your elder DD could wonder why she wasn't 'good enough' to get a place at the better school and feel jealous but if you don't let the younger DD take the opportunity she could really resent you for it later. At the end of the day they are different people and they have different needs.

My 2 sons went to different schools. They are completely different people and also in totally different leagues academically. There is no way they were going to be suited to the same school. They get on very well and it was just accepted. At secondary school age they do understand their differences.

My children have gone to different secondary schools - one girl, one boy, both went to single sex schools. Just how it worked out. One thing to consider, which has not been a major thing, just a bit annoying at times, is that their INSET days and holidays don't coincide exactly (Easter two years ago was a nightmare!) and twice we had both Parents' Evenings on the same evening. If they're at the same school you don't have that to worry about.

Our 4 DCs went to 3 different primaries and 3 different secondaries. They all have different strengths and interests and what suits one doesn't suit the others.

They are all grown up now and get on fine.

let dd2 decide which school she would like to go to.

Having children in different schools means they are never compared to (or confused with) one another. I've heard teachers express surprise that sister B is so unlike sister A which irritates me, and I think some teachers have sub-conscious expectations, especially when siblings are close in age.

My own DS's went to the same school for exactly one year and neither seems damaged by it.Different children , different needs.

I was so much happier whan my sister left school as I was no longer under her shadow (not a good shadow, she was a bit of a bad lass!)

I was able to be ME and not "sister of XX who is bound to be a bad lot like her".

Not saying either of your DDs are bad lots, but there can be expectancy that siblings will be similar from the teachers, whether they be good or bad.

In our case there was no choice as there was only one senior school for miles that you did not have to be canonised to attend, but I would have loved to have gone to a different school.

Cantdecide - that's interesting!

Cantdecidewhattodo - my parents certainly wish They had treated us differently. For such a similar upbringing my brother and I have turned out to be completely different work wise. For two children who went to the same school two years apart the difference in experience and outcome remarkable. Of course, my parents will never know what the alternative would have meant.

If they had spoken to me I would have been happy for my brother to go somewhere else. It would have meant boarding and I would never have wanted that.

Only read your op, not the whole thread.

My situation is slightly different to yours but Ds and dss are in the same year group and didn't get on very well and are very different at school.

They were at same (large) infant and junior school until year 4.

When we moved we decided to try them at different schools as smaller schools.

It worked really well - gave them both a chance to have their own identities and not be compared to each other. Both were walking distance so no problem getting then there, I had to walk past one to get to the other and by that age they weren't collected from the classroom door anymore.

We didn't hesitate in sending them to different senior schools, and as they are so different the same school wouldn't suit them both anyway (having 4dc's, 2 with sn, I realise now that not every school will suit every child).

It really has worked out brilliantly and I would definitely do the same if in the same position again. Both get the support that is right for them and have their own sets of friends so no issues there either.

They even get on with each other better at home now too

mrsbaldwin - I went to the same school as my sister and spent most of my time hiding from her until she left.

I never see her now.

Being at the same school did nothing for our relationship. If you are going to get on you will, regardless of the school you go to.

We live in a grammar school area, dd1 started at a super selective this year. I think there's a good chance that dd2 will also get in, but at this stage it's not so likely that ds would. I've talked to other parents in the area and it's not uncommon for some children in a family to go to a grammar and others not. I think it's better to emphasize the difference in the ethos of the schools and how the laid back one is better suited to your eldest dd etc rather than giving them labels like 'good' and 'best'. I wouldn't hold back your youngest.

This is very difficult isn't it?

Me and my sister (she's two years younger than me) went to different schools - me to local private school on a scholarship, her to local (good) comp.

We had very little in the way of sisterly relations after that - we lived in the same house and that was more or less all.

We don't really have any kind of closeness now although relations are amicable.

But IMO it's very hard to say whether this would all have happened anyway, even if we had gone to to the same school, as we are such different characters. It would be interesting to hear what she has to say about this - I might ask her at Xmas.

Hmmm.

I have 2 DDs and have often thought "What if they have to go to different schools" and I caame to the cnclusion that this is fine...one school is sited to DD1 and the other is not....they won't reent you later...DD2 has ben offered a place.

I am curious as to why DD1 will never go there though...why will there "never be a place" for her?

There is absolutely no reason on earth to send siblings to the same school if different schools would suit their individual personalities better.

My parents sent me and my younger sister to the same school "to be fair and treat us the same", even though we both had options. It really suited here - arty, lax discipline - and not me - academic and sporty, need rules. In retropect my parenst realised that they should have sent me to a different school. They basically chose my school for my sister, it never occurred to them that we could go to different schools.

Sit down with both of them and talk about it. My DDs do both go to the same upper school but we visited both choices with DD2 and she could have chosen either.

Kez - I am in the same dilemma at the moment, there is a great comp for DD (now in yr6) and she is very bright and a hard worker.

DS however is less self-motivated and I feel needs the discipline of his prep.

It may be that we can only afford on set of fees. Am I being completely unfair to think DS needs it more?

My parents could only afford to send one of us private, so didn't send either. They say, inretrospect, they should have sent my brother as I was better equipped to succeed at Comprehensive. They always tried to treat us equally but we were both very different, so they think they should have treated us differently too.

Oh that's a hard one. Feel for you. Can they go to different schools and then do some sport/music/drama classes together outside of school? If they already do this ignore me!

I agree that you'd be best to talk to them. It may be that the both the younger and older one may not want to be seen as 'so and so's sister' (not calling your DDs 'so and sos', just replacing a name!).

I went to the same school as my sister 2 years later and was always 'the sister'.

I think when we are talking about our children education we cannot necessarely be "fair" in the sense that if their abilities are reallly different they will need different teaching. It would not be good for your DD2 to feel "kept back" because of her sister. If your DD12 is already settles in her school let your DD2 go to the school were her needs will be filled in a more appropriate way.
As an asside, did you really register them in a school days after they were born or did I totally misunderstood that? Is it the usually done thing?

do not hold your younger dd back. Really she will resent it.

It is hard on dd1 of course but if her school is good and she is happy there, has nice friends, it will probably work out alright.

Your DCs' personal and intellectual development is a much greater concern than their relationship when choosing a school. There is plenty of time at home for them to be sisters; school is about developing individuals.