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Original poster

DD hates Upper Sixth

35 replies

ajandjjmum · 13/09/2010 18:32

DD has been at the same school since Yr. 7, and has always thrown herself into everything - choir, all sports, debating etc. etc. Her reports have always been very good - she's certainly not highly academic, but always tries her best and works hard. She gets on with people, and is pretty popular with the different years.

She was not selected as head of her house this year, because the other girl in contention was more academic - the housemistress wanted DD to be able to concentrate on her work. She was not made a prefect (trying not to be precious about this, but it was a big surprise to many), and the straw that has broken the camels back is that she's just been dropped from the hockey team.

She is absolutely gutted. Never full of confidence (although she seems it), her self esteem with school is at an all time low, and she is really angry and feels that everyone is against her. There's only so many times that you can say 'never mind, pull yourself together and show them how wrong they are'.

No-one can do anything really, I'm just so sad for her - she has absolutely loved that school, and yet if we offered to move her now, she would jump at the chance.

I don't feel I should get involved - she's 17 and needs to deal with it - apart from which I'd probably cry at the teachers for being so uncaring.

Sorry for the moan - wish I could say I felt better now. Sad

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Original poster
ajandjjmum · 17/09/2010 07:41

You know, that's absolutely right Nicki - I still remember the tragedy of failing my cycling proficiency test (yes, I'm very old!!!). I suppose the prefect thing is as much a recognition of the effort that you've put into school life, so it's the fact that it seems her effort over 6 years is not valued.
She's a lucky girl in so many other ways - just pedalling like mad to keep up with an adored big brother who finds academics so much easier. She seems so confident, but actually needs a lot of reassurance.
Already gone off to school this morning with a smile on her face though. Smile

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nickijc · 16/09/2010 19:10

Am sure your DD will be fine. And some believe strongly that if children keep being praised to the hilt, are selected for everything and achieve at every step while at school they will maybe be ill-equipped and unable to face the disappointments that inevitably happen later on when they are independent young people in the wider world. Hard to stand by and watch as a mum, though, as you say.

frakkinnakkered · 15/09/2010 20:15

Your poor DD - that's just a lot of downers all in one go, isn't it?

I can understand the housemistress's reasoning and maybe the prefect thing too if she needs some time to focus on academics and getting good grades, but things like being a prefect or being on the 1st team look good on personal statements and it can be a bit of a blow to find the school don't seem to value you enough to let you put that on there. Not saying that's the way it comes across to unis btw, just that it might be how she's seeing it.

At least she has a chance to get back onto the squad for the 1sts if she sees the PE teacher. Doubly disappointing as she was told to buy the kit :(

Oh and it's definitely L6/U6 (espeically if you go through with third, fourths, fifths etc!) - I think my school would implode before it started referring to them as Y7-Y13.

Remotew · 15/09/2010 20:14

It's sixth form for us and year 12 & 13. Bog standard comp though.

Our school has awards night coming up. Only 2 students were mentioned in the newsletter for getting the best GCSE's which also said they will have chance to congratulate them and many others at awards night. DD hasn't even got an award so no need for us to go even though she got the best grades. Hmm

Sorry for your DD. I can understand how she is gutted.

JETS · 15/09/2010 19:57

oh lord - seriously??? So what! You dont have to be head girl/prefect etc to get on in life and it really doesnt mean the school value her less in any way.

PixieOnaLeaf - no the modern very academic aspiring schools have the year 12 and 13 model.

Waswondering · 15/09/2010 19:49

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Original poster
ajandjjmum · 15/09/2010 18:47

I think at some time in the future when she feels calmer, she might.
And for what it's worth, I might if the situation arises when I'm watching a match or something, to say how deeply hurt she was.
The daft thing is she's still be asked to sort things out - have a word with a third former who's wearing the wrong shoes etc., which seem rather unfair. She did say if they ask her to do any more tours, she'll tell them to make sure they leave at the end of Fifth Form (Year 11!!!!).
Starting to smile again though.

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Waswondering · 15/09/2010 18:12

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lazymumofteenagesons · 15/09/2010 13:09

Is your DD good friends with the captain of the firsts. When this happened to DS1 the captain who was also a good friend told the teacher how much he rated him and that he wanted him on the team and he was given another chance.

PixieOnaLeaf · 14/09/2010 22:51

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TheFallenMadonna · 14/09/2010 22:37

We call it the Sixth Form, but year 12 and year 13. I think though Pixie, it might be an independent/state school thing. Unless that's what you mean by traditional and academic...?Wink

PixieOnaLeaf · 14/09/2010 22:31

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Original poster
ajandjjmum · 14/09/2010 22:01

Thank you all. She has bounced back in many ways, it's just that she's lost all positivity about the school - it's like that fine line between love and hate - it's now definitely hate Grin. I understand that she needs to focus on her academic work, but I am firmly of the belief that other things are important too.
Waswondering - I don't think she'll have forgotten this by the time she's 35 either!
mumoverseas - sorry for your DS too - although I know DS wouldn't lose sleep over it as DD would. Boys are different!!!

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mumoverseas · 14/09/2010 20:21

ajanjj, poor DD and poor you, I can totally understand why you are both upset. DS was a chosen as a house prefect last year when he joined his school in L6 (what is all the nonsense about it not being L and U6?) yet this year he has been dropped as a prefect. Ho hum, I suppose he has better things to do but it must have been a bit disappointing.

Hope DD cheers up a bit and settles into U6 soon Grin

Waswondering · 14/09/2010 18:56

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LadyLapsang · 14/09/2010 18:50

Perhaps the school is trying to help her do the best she can academically. It's pretty competitive to get into uni at the moment, maybe they thought she should be concentrating on writing her personal statement, coursework and have time for revision. What's your DDs plans for next year and how did she do in the AS exams?

mattellie · 14/09/2010 17:58

I don?t think there?s much you can do about the school prefect thing because there?s always going to be an element of subjectivity about that.

Not so with a sports team, however. Your DD is perfectly entitled (and indeed should be encouraged) to go to the PE teacher and ask why she has been dropped, particularly after she had been explicitly told to go and buy a first team shirt. She can always couch it in terms of ?what do I need to do to get back in the side? if she doesn?t want to appear too confrontational.

Good PE teachers should welcome such an approach (as long as it isn?t too bolshie Grin) because it illustrates a desire to learn and improve.

If she is genuinely a much better player than her replacement (and obviously none of us can make a judgment on that, but the DCs themselves always, IMHO, have a pretty good idea of the pecking order?), she could consider enlisting the support of other players on the team, along the lines of ?We really think ajandjj ought to be playing??

PixieOnaLeaf · 14/09/2010 17:54

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seenitallbefore · 14/09/2010 16:47

Its Sixth Year for us in Scotland too. Why lol ?

cherylvole · 14/09/2010 16:42

lol at upper sixth

you mean Year 13

Original poster
ajandjjmum · 14/09/2010 16:40

Of course it is seenitallbefore - and 4 girls I could never cope with. This on it's own would be insignificant really, it's this on top of everything else that's got to her (and me). But as you say, good lessons in life - even if they're ones I didn't want her to learn so soon. Smile

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seenitallbefore · 14/09/2010 14:52

I have had four girls through hockey school/district team selection ordeal. I fully understand how gutted your DD would be after being told to buy the 1st team shirt. Its a major upset for a hormonal teenager ! It happened in a similar way to my second daughter several years ago. She went to the first team coach to ask what she should do to improve her chance of reselection in future. The coach told her a few points about her game which she then went off and worked on. She got put back up after three games and went on to be Captain. Point is- your DD needs to find out whats lacking and then work on it. Very good lesson for life. And let her do it herself. Seconds all year if mum gets involved ! PS I know its not the end of the world what team they play in. But it is to them ...

Original poster
ajandjjmum · 14/09/2010 14:38

No Kez. She was told on Thursday she was in the team, and told to go and buy a 1st team shirt, which she did. She was told yesterday to go and join the 2nds. Yr. 13 are the key players in the team, as the school (rightly) wants the strongest team. She was selected and then de-selected. She'd have been quite happy to be in the 2nds from the word go.

Thanks senua - appreciate that!! Grin

We'll all survive - just off to buy a couple of voodoo dolls though!!!

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Kez100 · 14/09/2010 13:45

Surely hockey selection is exactly that? Every year children are selected, or not, and that's a cost of competitive sport.

Or, just maybe, year 13 they are too old to be in it? After all she'll have left before the very end of year 13 and maybe there will be matches she cannot be expected to make. Maybe Y13 just don't have places in the team - ever?

JustGettingByMum · 14/09/2010 13:13

ajandjj - I think you are perfectly entitled to feel cross on your DDs behalf. After all, if we can't come here and moan, then where can we? Wink
I hope she gets over this horrible disappointment soon, and enjoys the rest of her time in Y13.