Discovered man I’ve been seeing for 5 years is a full-blown conman running a double life.

He is dead to you. You block. You grieve the relationship you thought you had. You go to therapy. You tell friends who keep you accountable. But you get yourself WAY clear of his spider’s web and never go near it again.

Goodness me he makes the man I was seeing that I posted about this week look like Peter Perfect.

I’m so sorry. I was had by a con man, it’s a crazy story (that I had published). At the moment you are in the initial shock/discovery phase and I can promise you that there will be more to come on that front. The last 5 years of your life have been a lie and this will take a long time to recover from, mentally. Obviously you need to bin him off, pronto. You will never be able to believe a word he says. Block and please get therapy to help you recover from this, remember none of this is your fault, be kind to yourself. It’s easy to feel like an idiot when this is done to you, but I promise you he’s the only idiot here. I imagine at the moment you’re remembering more and more incidents/messages or whatever from the last 5 years that were more lies, this stage goes on for a while. You will get over this but the first step is to cut him off completely.

Has he taken / borrowed money from you? Does he have keys to your place? Check your bank cards and statements carefully. Contact the police if anything is amiss, I don't know if Claire's law covers financial abuse or just physical but would look into that too.

5 years and you didn't know?

F I V E Y E A R S ????

1,825 days !

Oh I hope you move on and fast.

Yes this. Did it not strike you as odd OP. Surely it come as that much of a surprise because if I hadn't met family, didn't know where he lived or worked after 5 years I'd be deeply suspicious.

I wouldn’t believe another word that comes out of his mouth. Block him everywhere, and take very good care of yourself.

I have been through virtually the same ordeal and I just want to assure you that blame is all HIS, horrible human being with no regard for you or his other family. Don't let anyone think u r a fool-these evil bastards are so devious they are impossible to detect. I found out my fiance was involved with another lady who was also engaged. Now he has neither of us, because I told her.She and I are friends and he's out,but probably stalking next victim already. Sending you love xx

For gods sake what a waste of 5 years

Even his cover wasn’t exactly ideal OP come on now, break up and move on.

I mean wtaf? I’m not even a year in yet have been to two family weddings with my boyfriend, we tag each other on social media etc it’s clear we’re in a relationship… he’s met my dad, my sister, I’ve met all his family.. I’ve met his son and ex and he’s met my children and their dad! After FIVE years you weren’t suspicious l?!

What were you threatening him with the police because of?
He sounds completely crazy. Is it worth you having a conversation with police regarding this domestic abuse, which it is - he has systematically manipulated you and lied to you, putting you in a vulnerable position. It could be seen as coercive control and fraud.

Any one of those things on their own should be an immediate “get out”. But all of them?!

Given it doesn’t sound like anything significant has been the truth (and who knows about the little things) you could never trust a single thing try he now says. You didn’t know it was lies before so how would you now?

Stay far, far away. No contact

He is currently acting completely normal on calls

Why are you even taking his calls? He is a compulsive liar, what can he still have to say to you that you would either believe or want to hear?

How do you never see someone’s life in five years and not get suspicious?

He has kept me completely isolated from his home, parents, and workplace for 5 years.

How?

I don't mean to be a dick, but I can't imagine getting 6 months into a relationship with someone, realising I'd met absolutely none of their important people, and not immediately bugging out?

I'm honestly interested in how on earth someone manages to explain that away?

Oh my God
So you’re not even safe

Please get away, please

I mean, the red flags were there - not knowing where he lives and not meeting any of his family in 5 years!!!

Now you know, you need to tell him to fuck off and block him on everything!

As is often the case, first post nails it.

Agree with everyone else, this is a crazy situation, and brutal for you. You cannot believe a single thing he says - you will certainly not even have got to the full truth yet - and I strongly advise you not to try to.

In the kindest possible way, didn't alarm bells ring when you hadn't met his parents/been to his home in 5 years? Because (sorry) that is insane.

I would suggest cutting all contact with this man immediately and the Freedom Programme.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/

In your situation I would ask the police if there is anything they need to disclose to you about him using Claire’s law - a man so intent on large scale deception might be capable of causing you more harm. He is obviously a very disturbed person.

Ask Women’s aid how to end the relationship safely and be very clear with him.

How horrible for you @PurplepenguinZ 🌺

Run for the hills

just walk away he's on another planet. everything he's ever said was a lie even when he was being nice

OMG this situation is totally brutal. I think you need to be skeptical of anything he says at this point. 5 years of lies is horrific, I also doubt the wife is even dead. He has literally created a false reality, he’s just cruel. Total utter disgrace of a human.

Get a girlfriend on the case to follow him from work one night and I’d like to bet he goes home to his wife.

OP I'm so sorry. Can't imagine how dreadful you're feeling. On a positive note, you don't have any physical ties so you can easily separate yourself from him.
He's a compulsive liar and having easily lied to you for 5 years means he won't ever change. Even now doesn't sound like he's being honest. Could be even more women are involved in his deception.
Don't waste time getting to the bottom of it all. The truth won't help you. You need to get angry, block and start afresh.
Sadly, amongst the good ones, there are some real pieces of shit out there.