Was my husband's mortgage comment a joke or genuinely hurtful?

I think he was just joking.

I think lots of people just enjoying sticking the knife in without taking the trouble to read what the OP has written.

He was pointing out her hypocrisy.

More irony! Thanks for that.

She works FT and does the lion’s share. And Golden Balls thinks he can patronise her.

Right? OP works FT what is this nonsense?

Sounds like he leaked out what he really thinks.
4 children and you worked part-time?
Sounds like you were run ragged.
Good to know what he really thinks though.

Have you insisted that your pension is topped up for your sacrifice?
If not, rethink that.

I wouldn't be impressed by his remarks, but you to you what you do with this information.

He is on your friend’s side. And you are in the same position as your friend. What’s wrong with that?

I gave two for starters, a third is people continuing the fiction in their own mind.

Well yeah I agree she had no right to slag off her friend

Hang on, I thought there was always more than one side to the story! 😂

What a lot of waffle.
You won't find out 'who's correct" because there is always more than one side to a story.
And the reason the OP hasn't been back is because it's a fake thread or it's dawned on her she's a hypocrite.

It's ironic that you accuse the OP of being nasty and then make a patronising comment job about her having 'a little job on the side'. That's far nastier than what the OP said! You don't know what her job is. Perhaps she works as a nurse or a physiotherapist or another useful public sector role, which just happens to be less well paid than whatever she was doing before that. Are you generally so dismissive of people in lower paid jobs?

I agree that we have interpreted the OP's and her DH's comments differently.

I can see that you think the OP was suggesting that her friend should have less rights in terms of decision making because she hadn't paid anything towards the mortgage. I interpret her comments differently. I think she was saying how unfair her friend is being considering that she has cheated, wants a divorce and, even then is dragging her feet, refusing to take any offers and forcing her (likely very upset) husband to go to court in order to move on. She sees her behaviour as even more unfair given that she has never worked after having their child and hasn't paid anything towards their mortgage. Imo, the OP's DH is incorrect that the OP hasn't contributed to their mortgage. He is only correct technically because they don't have a joint account. She could easily say to him, you never contributed to the food costs or the DC's childcare (if she pays those bills) or you never bothered to pick up your DC from school but that would be unkind and petty and probably incorrect. I think the DH is being unkind, petty and isn't correct because she has paid a percentage of all bills relative to her salary.

I fully agree that exact financial or childcare contributions are not relevant legally in general but it is relevant in terms of this thread because the OP is upset by her DH not valuing her. Looking after 4 children and still working and paying bills is a lot of work and he should value his DW and not make nonsensical comparisons to the friend, who has worked much less hard and then ended up cheating on her DH and, to top it off, is making his life unnecessarily difficult wrt the sale of their house.

The only way that we will find out who is correct is if @Somewhatblindsided comes back to the thread but she has probably been put off by the large number of bitchy comments!

She has contributed through, by running the house and undertaking looking after the children rather than having to pay for childcare. You should know that bearing in mind you do the same but with a little job on the side

you are being nasty in my opinion

Your logic is confused, on one hand youre bitching about your friend wanting assets she didnt pay for with cash. Yet on the other hand you're upset that your husband pointed out that youre not that different to her as he pays your mortgage.

I think the thing that has actually upset you is that you have continued to work, albeit for not a lot of money, and therefore despite not actually paying for the mortgage you feel you have contributed more than your friend did. So you are owed more than she is.

To me that sounds like patriarchal scarcity maths. You dont need to fight over who deserves what scraps with other women. In law generally assets are split about 50/50 in divorce. You chose to carry on working for a low wage and 'do the lions share' for the 4 children you chose to have. Your friend chose to stay home with her one child. Neither choice changes the law, which you were both aware of when you made your choices. I think your husband was reacting to what sounds like sour grapes on your part for the choices you made.

This.

But so has the friend who the OP was slagging off?

Also agree! My first thought on reading the OP was "Don't give it out if you can't take it."

@YoungSoakbring a sahm is still making a financial contribution in the sense that the family isn't paying out for childcare. In some situations, the cost of nursery can swallow more than one of the parents earns. It does have a financial value.

I think married couples who split hairs about “who pays for what” are silly. Surely, you have a joint account, money get paid into that by yourself and your husband. That money pays for household bills such as electricity, the mortgage etc. One person may pay more than the other proportionate to their income. None of this, “you don’t pay the mortgage” shite. I would also be really annoyed at his attitude. Being a SAHM and not contributing anything financially is very different from working and contributing towards the house.

Agree with posters what you said was unfair BUT ithas exposed your husband's thinkingand you need to rectify that now. As PP said a joint account where you both transfer in and the bills all come out of that one pot, including school uniforms, clubs, childcare, food. It's too easy to dismiss contributions which are not directly made to the mortgage when in fact you are contributing to household expenses. It is really easy to set up and if your husband is a decent man he won't have a problem with it.

Absolutely this!

The problem with gossipping is that it can reflect more on the gossipper than the gossippee. Especially if one party, AKA the OP's husband, is less invested in the gossip.
Et voilà.

But she has contributed in so many other ways which more than makes up for it. He hasn't had to pay for childcare.