Husband’s secret double life exposed, not sure how to move forward

Just lie and say that you didn’t smash the phone up. He’s lied to you for years and years. Plus he’s smashed your house up. Phone the police and get him done. Hope you’re ok.

Divorces are none fault. The judge isn’t interested in his cheating.

Line up what you broke v what he broke.

You...phone.

Him... TV
Mirror
Whatever he trashed in your room
Your bed

The police will be more interested in what he did than what you did. Thats not to say you wont get a word about what you did, but really, that wont be their issue.

ETA

Also, you did one thing, he went on a damage spree throughout the house. That shows a dangerous lack of control. The police will be aware of what he could have done to you and the kids if you had been there.

This must be so terrible for you, look after yourself firstly, make sure you get yourself tested the doctor will be able to advise you on what you need, report it to the police no matter what x

So sorry OP. You will just be in absolute shock for the next week.at least. You will get through this even if you can't imagine how at the moment. Please report the damage to the police. He might decide to move back in (it's his legal right) and reporting him will help protect you against this. And let everyone you're close to know what's happened. Take all the help and support you can xx

I agree. And also so that he is arrested and bailed to not return to the house, which he could do at any time.

Ringing the police because he has trashed the house should be done regardless so there is a record of it.

I agree with all those saying call the police. This is crucial. If he’s been trashing your house he sounds to be in a dangerous mindset.

Where is he now?

Definitely don’t keep his secret. Tell his family immediately that this is why you have ended it, before he can get his lies in.

Phone the police OP. Sending you love and strength. You will be OK and much better off without this evil tosser.

You absolutely need to call the police, report the damage and fears for.your safety. If he plays hardball you might need a court order to get him out the house, and you will need evidence of his behaviour. Photograph it all too.

it is relevant because if "they" who decide if she can get LA think that she has too many assets, then she wont get it. I would hate for her to make a decision on what to do based on incorrect information.

I was sure I would get legal aid and then didnt, because of the fact I own my house outright.

I’m not sure of the relevance of you paying your mortgage off, OP hasn’t given her circumstances though so it could potentially benefit her.

what he did (cheating) will have no relevance in the divorce anymore. Its No Fault now. However his destroying the home may have a bearing on his access to the younger kids and in the op getting a non molestation order.

I am on a low income and can't get legal aid because I paid off my house some years ago. I am on a low income now because I became a carer for my parents.

So legal aid isnt a given because of DA. I would have to sell my house to pay for any legal costs, luckily my father paid my legal costs.

Financial data.... not final data

Did you take pics of the messages you.found - for evidence when he ultimately denies it during divorce action

Report all abuse to the police

Get as much final data together as you can - take control of as much as you can. Men are usually the ones to f*ck the family over when they have all the control.

You have got this.

Im sorry you are living this - much better to know now.

I see no issue in telling people he was cheating on you for at least 10 years with multiple people. I dont know if I personally would disclose to everyone the genders of the other people. If that would harm him, I might not, but if is intent on harming you - he loses any discretion and privacy.

Report him to the police and make it clear you are concerned for your safety and you kids' safety and ask for support.

Then get yourself an STI test and divorce that low-life.

I also would not hesitate to tell your family, friends and your older kids about his cheating on you with prostitutes and men. Make him a pariah, that's what he deserves.

I would call the police, when it comes to divorce I think if there’s abuse or violence you get legal aid. This could possibly be counted. He probably did it because he’s embarrassed his dirty little secrets out and he knows everyone will judge him for being such a dirty cheater.

I'll "third" this.
The older children need to know - explained in age-appopriate terms - what is going on so that can protect themselves from any manipulation he throws their way.

I am so very sorry.

Why the fuck has this degenerate wanker trashed the home his children live in, and who will see the damage?!

Leaving with his tail between his legs is one thing, but this is terrifying.

I echo everyone else, please call the police. Don't hold off, this is a hugely worrying reaction.

I'm so sorry 😔

Report him trashing and destroying your possessions. He has no right to do that. Show him you will not turn a blind eye to abusive behaviour.
And it may be useful if he tries to fight for more child access than you think is fair.

Sorry your world has come crashing down. You must be all over the place. Tell anyone, don’t keep it secret - you will need support.