OMG!

And FYI, we WERE using condoms. And I was taking the progesterone-only pill. So as you can see, we REALLY weren't expecting to conceive!

And at least as a family, we are TRYING to work! It's more than most families I see are trying to do. We get regularly lambasted by others because we are living on LESS money than them just because DP gets off his arse and goes to work. So sue me if I'm thinking that this is just going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back, WRT the lack of baby element on CTC and the cuts to housing benefit. Maybe when ANY government accepts that some families can only have one wage earner due to a parents disability/caring responsibilities/both, and pay a decent minimum wage, more people would try to work. We are just scraping by now, this is going to put us over the edge. By the way everyone here is talking, I should be locked away in some asylum and prevented from ever procreating, despite the fact that when I had my first 3 dc's, DD hadn't yet had her problems diagnosed, and I didn't get diagnosed with epilepsy until AFTER dc3 was born. AND both my partner and I were working FT then. Circumstances change, and it's not always through choice!

My pct has agreed that they will sterilise me once dc4 arrives, as by the time I reach the top of the list when he/she will be 18 weeks old, I will be 30, and have 4 dc's. THAT'S how I am ensuring that dc's 5/6 or more don't happen. It's just taken me almost 9 years to persuade my PCT that it is really for the best!

poshwellies, it's not my fault that our PCT won't fund that, or that on DP's wage we can't afford to do it privately. Each PCT sets their thresholds for these things. My PCT is almost bankrupt. We don't even have certain services that would be classed as essential in other areas...No epilepsy specialist Neurologist (for 4 years, no Neuro at ALL), no epilepsy nurses, no enuresis clinic, a 3 year wait for SALT, an OT that discharges 7yo's who in any other area would still be getting intensive help, that then has to be done by untrained parents at home working of a blurry worksheet...etc etc etc.

My meds aren't teteragenic (harmful to a fetus) but they DO lower the effectiveness of hormonal contraceptives. I can't use a coil due to a tilted womb, I had one that had to be removed due to it being extremely painful. I could use 3 types of contraception at once, and still wouldn't be any more protected than with one.

I first asked to be sterilised when I was working FT and only had 2 dc's. They refused as I was only 20. I then asked after dc3. They refused as I was only 21. So DP asked to be 'done'. As he only had one dc, they refused. yet the PCT were well aware that my meds meant there was a chance we could end up with a fourth child. I don't believe in abortion.

It's ok, that's GREAT that you can ensure that your contraception is 100% effective. (which is bolleaux, as even the best contraceptives are at best 99% effective if taken properly, which means that out of 100 people taking it PROPERLY, one will still fall pregnant) It just so happens that my epilepsy medications lower the efficiency of ALL hormone based contraception. it makes it AT BEST 85% effective. Are you saying that we just shouldn't enjoy a normal sex life? How long would it be before I was a lone parent claiming EVERY benefit possible (bearing in mind my disability) if I did that? Not many men in their 30's would put up with a sexless relationship, no matter what difficulties arise from that. And nor should they have to.

They wouldn't do him either as only my third dc was his. So he only had one, and they won't fund the snip for someone with only one dc.

And I've been brought up to have a VERY strong work ethic, with both parents working etc. I HATE being out of work. But in all reality, would you employ me, when I need a job that is 9.30-2.30, could possibly have to take up to 2 days a week off sick, might be called at any time to collect DD from school if she has a meltdown....DP has learning difficulties, therefore is not able to get a higher income job. At least we are TRYING to do the right thing and have him working, which is a lot more than MOST people I know do. If minimum wage was an actual, livable amount, then maybe it wouldn't be such an issue. 12 years ago, DP was earning almost £3 an hour more for the same job than he is today.....

Haha at size of house, I am currently in a house that is, according to my council, 'too small for my needs', I am in a VERY small 3 bed (3rd bed is a nursery size, with a 12yo in), but will get rehoused the other side of never. Aparrently I will be 'entitled to' a 4 bed property once dc4 is born, but there is a 10 year waiting list for 4 beds, by which time I will no longer qualify.

I do not work due to the fact that no bugger will employ me because I have uncontrolled epilepsy. And it's not through lack of trying either, for every shitty shelf stackers minimum wage job in my area, there are 300 applicants, who don't have medical needs, plus my DD is SN, there is no childcare AT ALL for 12yo sn dc's. My DP has no qualifications, and we can't afford for him to retrain, what the heck do YOU propose he does, or I do?

I got rid of all my baby stuff, as I wasn't planning any more dc's (my youngest is 6.5yo). My contraception failing due to my epilepsy meds was not able to be 'planned for'. My local PCT refuse to sterilise anyone under the age of 30 that doesn't have 4 dc's, and only being 28 atm, they have been turning me away for 8 years now (I first asked while pg with dc2). They have finally agreed to 'do me' once this dc is born.

While I don't work, I am currently in receipt of £285 a month DLA, which is £1,000 short on what I was earning before I was diagnosed with epilepsy 6 years ago! So yeah, it sounds awful to say we are considering DP giving up work, we are already getting LESS than we would on benefits, this is only going to make a bad situation WORSE.