Going into a care home? to pay or not to pay..?

I'm in line to inherit a lovely collection of paintings by my mother, some brilliant costume jewellry, seriously vintage clothing and accessories (including luggage), and a very cool selection of rosaries and other religious ornaments.

As I live abroad, my sister will get any furniture, tools, cars, etc. left over.

Sounds good to me!

I assume you have tolike and trust your children...

See we have been told for ages that we should be seeing a solicitor to find ways to 'minimise the impact of tax etc'.
Dh and I have always refused as I feel we should pay what we should pay and I have little time for loop holes.
But it does seem to be accepted, that the system suposes that people will circumvent.

[sap]

Last I was home, my mom actually got a lot of her stuff out, that's worthless to all but us, and had my sister and I divy it up.

That kind of stuff isn't worth selling, but we know better than to expect an inheritance.

If and when one of them dies, the other will get everything, and why not? I didn't have to be married to them for 46 years+!

'But it is a little rough that I and others like me, who would hope to leave some property to their children ( in my case to help to fund DS2's continuing care after I can no longer do it) will be expected to sell their home.'

Not missing it, just haven't addressed it.

See a solicitor. You can pass it on to them and rent it back from them long before you die.

Aristocratic and landed families do this often enough.

The catch is usually that you have to leave at least 7 years between your transferring it and the Grim REaper for it to work properly.

Expat X-posted ...

You are missing my point I think expat.

In my post I was talking about carers (like me)who have already given up substantial tranches of their lives, their income, their employment prospects and sometimes their pensions in order to care for a relative.

I do it happily and willingly.
But it is a little rough that I and others like me, who would hope to leave some property to their children ( in my case to help to fund DS2's continuing care after I can no longer do it) will be expected to sell their home.

The arguement seems to be aimed at very rich people passing on estates butthose most negatively affected will be people like carers... not the most supported group of people in the first place...

As for your 'shameful' example - well I am my sons carer and pay for my mums care . So I guess we have a similar attitude

'the older generation now were promised care from the cradle to the grave, i know times have changed but can't blame them for being lied to.'

Well, true, but you can't get blood out of a stone.

Sadly, these promises were made on the premise that so many didn't live so long.

No one could have foreseen that.

I meant to say, 'I couldn't sell every asset of theirs and mine fast enough . . . '

Truly, I think many persons' expectation of getting an inheritance (obviously situations like yours are exceptions, pagwatch, and actually a failure of the care system for the lifelong disabled) and expecting legislation to safeguard that at the expense of the taxpayer an extension of the entitlement culture.

the older generation now were promised care from the cradle to the grave, i know times have changed but can't blame them for being lied to.

I couldn't sell every single asset of mine and theirs to get my parents the best quality care I could, tbh, rather than sit around relying on the state to provide it (which they can't and won't) so I could get my hands on assets and money I did not earn.

To do otherwise I'd find unbearably shameful.

I am enjoying being told how expensive care is though...

I didn't say the system was fuck you - I said the attitude oft delivered at the same time was fuck you.

'I don't see how having money buys you a 'choice'?'

Ever been through the system of getting a nursing home place?

Money is everything when it comes to that.

I hope you never have to find out just how much money buys choice.

You're better off teaching your children how to secure their own prosperous future and looking to securing your own rather than expecting those same children, who will likely be taxpayers, to fund it all for an ever-ageing population that will only grow in number.

How is it 'well fuck you', though, to realise the state can't afford to support people living in care homes for years and years?

There is no system that can ever do that.

Does anyone know what % of elderly folk actually end up in a home? of the 8 grandparents DH and I had between us, only one died in a nursing home (and one is still coping OK in her own home).

And are any of us 'saving for old age', really? I have a pension that's worth bugger all, after paying into it for ten years (thank you, stock market), but that's with the intention to actually be able to eat, pay the gas bill etc, when I'm retired.
No-one really starts up an ISA with the intention of saving for a care home... right?

There is not much incentive to save for old age if you will only be getting the same care as people who have not saved, with the only difference being that you have to pay for it yourself. I don't see a way around it though.

We pay a fucking fortune in tax and don't begrudge a penny.
I look after my mother because after working hard all his life and never taking any benefit except child benefit my dad died in debt, still working at 74.
I gave up work to care for my son and will spend every day of my life until I am too frail, caring for him.
DH and I are incredibly lucky to have a nice home which we would like to leave to DS1 and DD so that they can try and fund DS"s full time care when I no longer can.

But I will apprently have to sell my house to care for me and or DH should we need it.

I am prepared that that is what will happen. But I can't help feeling the 'well fuck you' that seems to be being delivered by everyone who thinks this is no more than I deserve.

Your pattern is my pattern. Can't afford healthcare for five people is the major crux. Also the fact that if you can't afford a SUV there's a greater chance you'll die in a car accident. And the cost gets even higher. Housing with good schools, holiday/time off, etc.

So yeah, we're staying put for now.

It's not perfect, but DH gets six weeks annual leave now, we never have to worry about insurance and the school is very good.

Welcome to my world , although am more of a Welch's grape juice girl myself (and almond roca, and almond M & Ms, and breakfasts)

Moving back? My pattern after a visit is to get all enthused about moving back, then get caught up in day to day stuff here, do figures and work out we could afford a small shack, decide better off staying put. Until next visit....

Had a great visit, ilove! Thanks for asking. Was warm, for a change. Got right back into the routine fairly easily.

Was fun to drive an automatic car on the proper side again .

I'm still trying to lose the spare tire around my waist I brought home, though - too much food, sweetened tea and Sunkist soda.

Same here, trice.

But I certainly don't expect the taxpayer to fund my parents' care so that I can get their house.

They didn't buy their house as an inheritance to leave us.

They bought it as a shelter to make a home in which to bring us up and shelter them.

When it can no longer do that, because they need to move to another home, such as a nuring home, then it can be sold to provide them with another home.

The problem is that people don't think of a house in its primary functional role: shelter/home. Instead it's only now seen as £££.

Well, a nursing home is a home, too.

I don't understand the assumption that one will receive an inheritance, as if it's some god given right, which is really at the basis on the idea that one should expect the state to pay for one's care. THe conflict being that the house/savings should go to one's children.

People should pay for their care, but like anything else, those who are savvy, can avoid it, such as 'asset dumping.' Not sure how this could be regulated, but I know of someone who signed over their house to their children about 5 years ago, and now needs residential care, and they won't have to pay. Morally that stinks.

The state should pay for care for those who want it and need it Eldonave. I am freeing up that money by my choice.