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Original poster

How to talk to my friend who is hyper emotional towards her country and she can't seem to understand why I am not a supporter of the country, despite me being born there...

41 replies

SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 04:39

A lil bit of context... we're both females in our early 30s. My friend, Amy, is an Indian citizen in the states waiting for her green card through marriage. She was born and raised in India, up until high school. She has a blind loyalty towards India. Like extremist level views.

I on the other hand have no such opinion about India. I was born in India but my parents moved overseas when I was 1.5 years old. I literally have no memory about India besides a childhood trip there where I was hot, miserable, and couldn't wait to be home.

So when I tell her that I don't see India in a positive light (because of the greed, corruption ,etc) she takes extreme offensive. I told her I don't see myself as an Indian, I only associate myself with my country that I grew up in, she's all up in arms. I told her I respect my Indian heritage and I really love the culture, but other than that, I don't relate to India at all. How is that my fault????

AM I THE CRAZY ONE HERE????

OP posts:
HauntedBungalow · 13/05/2025 13:20

What do you mean, when you say she bashed your country? Which country? You were born in India too, weren't you?

Anyway, I'd just talk about other things with her. Presumably she has some good points and is nice to be around, otherwise you wouldn't be her friend. Friends don't have to agree on everything.

Original poster
SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 13:18

Lundier · 13/05/2025 06:58

It doesn't sound like a political conversation. It sounds like an emotional attachment. Your friend is in a foreign country, dislocated, and she's finding her attachment to her country of birth comforting and grounding in some way. You represent a bit of a threat to this, really, as you are, like her, born Indian but have detached from the country. Who will she be if this happens to her? What will this mean about who she is - will she lose this part of of herself that she loves? She already feels foreign to where she lives, will she also become foreign to her homeleand? What will that mean?

It doesn't matter that you, as a different person, may have never had those feelings of attachment to India, no matter how long you lived there. It's about her. If you like your friend, perhaps try to understand what she's saying emotionally and don't get drawn into arguments about politics or stats about corruption. It doesn't sound like you're going to get anywhere. Talk about something else.

So I told her that I really respect and admire the love that she has for her country, but I feel no such attachment towards it even though I was born there. I think it's so weird that she's trying to push this narrative on to me. Also I never bring this stuff up- its always her😅 I literally don't care one way or another about that country because my country has too many problems that I am trying to keep track of 😭🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 13:15

CuriousGeorge80 · 13/05/2025 07:04

Just don’t discuss matters about India. I had an associate who was the same about Russia - we just never talked about Russia!

She's always bringing it up... But yeah, next time she does, I'm just going to tell her I don't want to talk about it with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 13:14

Pinky1256 · 13/05/2025 06:06

Ohh, I hate people that have blind love for their corrupted, full of crime birth country, while in the luxury of their lives in a nice country. When she starts trying to lecture you, tell her to go back if she loves it so much. Life is much harder for women there.

Where I live I see many car's license plates or large stickers with the word "Punjab or even with their own surname". They probably instill a lot of pride for their country at the elementary school. I love my birth country but not to the extreme, you or your parents left your birth country for a reason and should love the country where you are now. No extremes are good.

Yeah I see stuff like that too, and it doesn't bother me. I think if you have love for your country that's great. But don't try to push that on to me and then get offended when I tell you none of it pertains to me? That just tells me you're looking to pick a fight and there's no fight to be picked on my end. She even bashed my country for no reason during this argument that she brought up and I just let it go.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 13:13

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 13/05/2025 05:24

Perhaps Amy needs to go and live in India if she loves it so much?

Extreme feelings like this to me smack of insecurity and searching for an anchor in some kind of identity.

It's her view about India. I'd just not discuss it with her.

Haha I've thought about saying this to her but it'll only make her angrier. Another funny fact is that she's spent THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of dollars on trying to get her citizenship approved, yet still talks about India like she's dying to go back.

But she's always the one that brings this stuff up and I always tell her "Amy, I literally don't care about any of this. You're trying to start an argument with me when I feel nothing about what you're saying, one way or the other". She just doesn't understand my nonchalant attitude.

OP posts:
LadyQuackBeth · 13/05/2025 08:39

I would avoid politics and if she brings it up, sort of twist it round to being about her "you should a bit homesick," "you should plan a trip back there soon," that sort of thing.

She's projecting on to you, but this is about her and where she fits in the world.

CuriousGeorge80 · 13/05/2025 07:04

Just don’t discuss matters about India. I had an associate who was the same about Russia - we just never talked about Russia!

Lundier · 13/05/2025 06:58

It doesn't sound like a political conversation. It sounds like an emotional attachment. Your friend is in a foreign country, dislocated, and she's finding her attachment to her country of birth comforting and grounding in some way. You represent a bit of a threat to this, really, as you are, like her, born Indian but have detached from the country. Who will she be if this happens to her? What will this mean about who she is - will she lose this part of of herself that she loves? She already feels foreign to where she lives, will she also become foreign to her homeleand? What will that mean?

It doesn't matter that you, as a different person, may have never had those feelings of attachment to India, no matter how long you lived there. It's about her. If you like your friend, perhaps try to understand what she's saying emotionally and don't get drawn into arguments about politics or stats about corruption. It doesn't sound like you're going to get anywhere. Talk about something else.

Renabrook · 13/05/2025 06:27

I just wouldnt talk about it otherwise you would come across and the important thing is you needing to be ''right'' rather than it actually doing any good, why do you feel you need to change her mind?

PatsFruitCake · 13/05/2025 06:25

Why is she living in the US if she's so attached to India? On some level she must understand that other countries offer an alternative and maybe better way of life. It seems hypocritical.

It's odd that she can't understand you grew up elsewhere and so don't feel a connection to India. I just wouldn't talk to her about it.

Changeissmall · 13/05/2025 06:13

Ugh. Nationalism is so stupid. It’s how wars start and is the root of racism. Can’t stand these people whether it’s in their own country or expats but the latter are the worst.

Pinky1256 · 13/05/2025 06:06

Ohh, I hate people that have blind love for their corrupted, full of crime birth country, while in the luxury of their lives in a nice country. When she starts trying to lecture you, tell her to go back if she loves it so much. Life is much harder for women there.

Where I live I see many car's license plates or large stickers with the word "Punjab or even with their own surname". They probably instill a lot of pride for their country at the elementary school. I love my birth country but not to the extreme, you or your parents left your birth country for a reason and should love the country where you are now. No extremes are good.

DontMindMeJust · 13/05/2025 05:30

Maybe ask her why she's bothering waiting for a green card, why not just go and enlist in the army straight away

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 13/05/2025 05:24

Perhaps Amy needs to go and live in India if she loves it so much?

Extreme feelings like this to me smack of insecurity and searching for an anchor in some kind of identity.

It's her view about India. I'd just not discuss it with her.

Original poster
SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 04:53

saraclara · 13/05/2025 04:50

What do you mean by extremist level?

Like in her eyes, India is #1 no matter what. During this India vs Pakistan mini war situation, she was ready to go enlist in the Indian army🙄If I dare say something about the poverty or corruption or greed, its "Oh I am ignorant and misinformed" when actually India was the most corrupt country in the world just recently lol

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/05/2025 04:50

What do you mean by extremist level?