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Original poster

Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

242 replies

Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 09:32

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 10:38

Also, I genuinely care about the people struggling in this country and i am by no means well off. After reading the Institute of Fiscal Studies say (once again) that labour would bankrupt this country my first thought was those struggling will be hardest hit, and i can't support a position that hurts them. I also was uncomfortable with corybn describing Hamas as his friends. I am in no means saying the Tory party is perfect but Labour's views were so different to my own. But i respect everyone's views and ways of voting. I left the drinks thinking i can't believe this just happened.

OP posts:
SinglePringle · 15/12/2019 10:37

If I found out my closest friend had voted Tory, I would find it very very difficult to get past. It would cause a major dent in our friendship. She was rude but I understand her depth of feeling.

AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 10:34

OP there was another thread with a poster wondering why some friends don’t discuss politics

I pointed out that in the last few years, my friends have helped me, with the daily stuff of..spinal injury, double pneumonia, dad’s illness and death...on top of other chronic health problems I have.

I don’t give a flying flamingo how they vote. I know they are great people who will step up. That’s what friendship is about.

Voting Tory on Thursday was not easy for me. I don’t think I’m friends with anyone who dump me over it. But if it happens, I’ll still be there if they need me to take them to hospital at 3am or whatever.

If that’s your kind of friendship, maybe tell her that you understand if she wants to part company but she can call you if she’s ever in need or if she changes her mind etc.

MarshaBradyo · 15/12/2019 10:31

People rejecting friends and family over this are in the wrong. There’s so much discord right now.

jewel1968 · 15/12/2019 10:29

Vemvet and Mynewbear are illustrating my point and I think Mynewbear explains it very eloquently.

Original poster
Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 10:29

Thanks for everyone's message, understanding and kindness

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 10:28

@AutumnRose1 - thank you for your kindness. I am genuinely hurt by how i felt and the thought that our friendship has changed. It is sad that politics has divided us, although as i said to her i respect her choice. I wanted to say to her that we have to consider the fact that so many areas, traditionally labour strong, voted tory and why is that. I didn't get a chance to get a word in.

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 10:27

I’m not convinced by the whole “brainwashed” thing

Adults can make up their own minds,

Original poster
Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 10:26

I should add as I said i reluctantly voted Tory in the end. It took me until i had my ballot paper in my hand to put a cross down and I stared at my paper wondering whether I had made the right choice. My local MP is a Tory and he has helped my family in the past and that is what swayed my vote. I wanted a majority gov. because i genuinely felt this country could not continue the way it was. We needed some direction. I didn't expect the level of abuse and hurt i received. I said to my friend if Lib dem position had been different on Brexit (i truly believe it is right to action the result as that is what people voted for) or if labour had a different leader I would have voted for either party, in the end i decided on who i wanted as my local MP.

OP posts:
Surfskatefamily · 15/12/2019 10:26

She's behaved shockingly. The majority of the country have voted the same as you so whats her plan? Cut heaps of people out of her life.

If I were you I'd cancel the drinks and tell her why. She owes you an apology

Vemvet · 15/12/2019 10:23

I feel for you, and well done for standing up to her. She is unfortunately behaving like so many knee-jerk reactionary and brainwashed Labour voters who have no idea about economics (sadly, mainly women, which is deeply disappointing), and who will no doubt look back in years to come with regret and embarrassment at their attitudes. I would actually drop her as a friend for this type of abuse and immaturity. Poor you! You are better off without this type of 'friend'.

jewel1968 · 15/12/2019 10:22

*Twooter

jewel1968 · 15/12/2019 10:22

Twitter not sure what you mean. All I am saying is for some people political view are very important to them and see others with opposing views as incompatible for friendship. I know others are more relaxed but clearly this friend isn't relaxed so can't see friendship lasting.

Twooter · 15/12/2019 10:17

Oh Jewel, what s load of bollocks. Most would voted for what they felt would be the best for the country - just different ways this could be achieved.

BilboBercow · 15/12/2019 10:16

I understand where she's coming from

Kirigiri · 15/12/2019 10:15

I’m a labour voter and love Corbyn. I do struggle with understanding why people vote conservative. However the rhetoric that all Tory voters are racist, uncaring and stupid is not helpful and inaccurate. There’s enough division in the country at the moment without friends falling out as well

MyNewBearTotoro · 15/12/2019 10:15

If I found out any of my best friends had voted Tory I would feel the same. They go against everything I stand for and everything I believe my closest friends stand for as well. Knowing a close friend had voted Tory would make me realise they weren’t who I thought they were, socialist policies make so much sense to me when the opposite is extreme capitalism with wealth so unevenly distributed and others in poverty. To vote against it is selfishness by those who feel they’re alright and don’t care about those at the bottom or feel angry that those at the top have such a ridiculous proportion of wealth and power.

Of course I recognise that people will have different views and they’re entitled to them, but I choose friends based on those whose values and interests and ethics seem aligned with my own so I couldn’t stay friends with somebody who had shown that they had so little care and regard for the vulnerable in society and put Brexit above the NHS, disabled people, housing, education and all of the issues Labour and the left were standing for.

AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 10:14

I’d ask if that’s the kind of friend you want

I appreciate feelings are running high. But someone who just shuts down other opinions, goes in for “no debate”..... they’d be causing drama every five minutes. Do you want that?

IrenetheQuaint · 15/12/2019 10:14

If she's usually nice and sensible I'd give her a couple of weeks to calm down rather than doing anything dramatic now. It is an anxious time for those of us who mistrust Boris Johnson and his fellow right-wingers.

joyfullittlehippo · 15/12/2019 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jakeyboy1 · 15/12/2019 10:12

This is why people use to not discuss politics!

She's an idiot. Is she going to spout this venom at the almost half the country who voted Tory? It will get very tiring for her, bless.

Avoid her. She clearly has no respect for other people's views and is symptomatic as to why people did not vote Corbyn.

whiteroseredrose · 15/12/2019 10:12

A lot of ex Labour voters appear to have voted Conservative. She's going to end up with a very small group of people to talk to with that attitude!

Your vote is your choice and your democratic right. People have a myriad of reasons for voting the way they do and generally it will be because they think it's for the best.

She is acting like a stroppy teenager who can't accept that others have different viewpoints and priorities. Is that the kind of friend you want.

jewel1968 · 15/12/2019 10:11

I have a friend that votes differently to me but if I am honest we are not close friends. We have a laugh but every so often we will discuss stuff and it is obvious we are very different... I think it is difficult to maintain close relationship with someone you don't agree with on something that is very important to you. Given your friend's strength of feeling I am surprised you have not discussed this before. I don't think your friendship will last. In fact I think it is over. How you vote does tell you something about a person and their character. And she probably doesn't like what she sees in you. It hurts her more cos her side lost. Had Labour won she probably would have been shocked but not so angry.

wellthatwasthat · 15/12/2019 10:10

Oh dear. I didn't vote tory, but all the same I do agree with you that a majority government does bring stability. We also have to accept that we live in a democracy and like it or not, right or wrong, we have what was voted for by the majority of the population.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/12/2019 10:09

Labour has turned from a political party into a cult where anyone who doesn’t conform to the cults thoughts is not to be associated with.