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Original poster

Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

242 replies

Shoes19 · 15/12/2019 09:32

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

OP posts:
BooFuckingHoo2 · 15/12/2019 11:31

@myfavouriterain exactly!

The radical Corbyn fans don’t seem to understand that shouting and name calling and telling people they’re “heartless” isn’t going to win back the labour voters who switched to conservative Confused

Moominfan · 15/12/2019 11:31

Don't apologise you didn't do anything wrong. If anything she needs to apologise for being a dick.

^^ you've done nothing wrong op x

myfavouriterain · 15/12/2019 11:28

Hmm, attacking someone who found it hard to make a deciding as OP did isn't exactly going to help us it. If anything risks entrenching centrist voters in a more extreme viewpoint? What we need is more people coming forward admitting they need educating in how to think through this stuff, not just take what's in papers and social media threads as truth. More critical thinkers. More willingness to engage across political lines. Calmly, without vitriol. OP comes across as more able to do this than her friend. But friend might just having been having a bad day, we don't know and only have one perspective on her.

AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 11:28

emily I don’t think OP is refusing to own her vote

She wouldn’t have discussed it with her friend at all if that were the case.

Hazardexhausted · 15/12/2019 11:26

Meh avoid each other for a bit. It's to raw, you dont understand each other and neither of you wants to.

Time apart and you both might start to miss one another and that will be the overriding emotion.

AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 11:26

Oliver “In some incidences yes but in this incidence it sounds like there was no critical thinking and everything coming from her mouth was just the sound bites that had been drummed into her.”

But no one forced her to sit down, listen, absorb etc. We have choices.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/12/2019 11:20

*I’m not convinced by the whole “brainwashed” thing

Adults can make up their own minds*

In some incidences yes but in this incidence it sounds like there was no critical thinking and everything coming from her mouth was just the sound bites that had been drummed into her.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 15/12/2019 11:19

Also, I genuinely care about the people struggling in this country and i am by no means well off. After reading the Institute of Fiscal Studies say (once again) that labour would bankrupt this country my first thought was those struggling will be hardest hit, and i can't support a position that hurts them.

This with absolute bells on!

Why can some labour voters not understand that many, many people haven’t voted Tory because they “don’t care about the poor” but because they (rightly or wrongly) believe that people will be better off under a conservative government.

MoonlightMistletoe · 15/12/2019 11:18

Don't apologise you didn't do anything wrong. If anything she needs to apologise for being a dick.

emilybrontescorsett · 15/12/2019 11:15

Just to add. I don't want to pay more tax but I own that decision.
I quite openly say I think the services offered free by the NHS should be cut but again I own that line of thought and can justify it to anyone who cares to ask. I don't want to keeping more for a service I rarely use.
However voting in the way you did irritates me and I know that is my problem.
Maybe don't see your friend over Christmas.
I've made the decision to scale back on seeing a friend who is an out and out Tommy Robinson/Britain First supporter who attends rallies belittling climate change protectors as I disagree with her political stance.

youknowitmakessensedunnit · 15/12/2019 11:12

The Labour party: a monopoly on morality since 1900.

emilybrontescorsett · 15/12/2019 11:07

In all honesty your reason is pathetic.
You remind me of those people who stand by and watch something bad happens whilst bleating ' well what can I do.'
I remember the 'my one bit of litter won't do any harm' adverts where one person drops some litter saying it won't matter, then it pans out to more people saying it and dropping litter, then more and more until we are awash with litter covered streets.
I don't have a problem with his anyone votes as long as they can justify it.

If you absolutely don't want any more immigrants to come to the UK then say it. If you do not want to pay more tax and are fine with reducing the services which state schools provide then say so.
Don't be pathetic bleating well I didn't know what to do and everyone else votes conservative so I did the same.vote
Own your choices.

Murraygoldberg · 15/12/2019 11:05

Some left wingers appear to be very intolerant of others' views unless they agree with their's. Some of the stuff that is on social media is outrageous and I don't understand why they don't see that their attitude to others (shouting down opinions, being nasty and rude) plays a big part in why brexit got voted for, trump got in and now a victory for the conservatives

Vemvet · 15/12/2019 10:56

Why are left-wingers so obnoxious?

Good question. I suspect it's because theirs is the current dominant ideology in education, the workplace and the media, so they (accurately) feel that they can espouse these views with impunity. Unfortunately, in reality, it points more to the slow decline of the western model, as it yields to the fast growing economies of the east and south, which are avowedly more to the right (increasing wealth is always the best way of reducing poverty).

myfavouriterain · 15/12/2019 10:52

You could also put it to her, that she could have engaged with you ahead of the election, which would have given you both a chance to bat back and forth in a discussion about who to vote for. You could have helped each other decide. To not do that when she felt so strongly, then attack you for the way you voted, is unfair.

AutumnRose1 · 15/12/2019 10:51

“ It sounds like your friend is bothered about your motivation for voting tory out of the options available which is odd, because in this election IMHO we only had the option of voting for one of several turds”

This.

Binting · 15/12/2019 10:50

I no longer speak to one sister who reacted the same way as your friend when I dared to say Corbyn was the wrong person to lead the Labour Party, this was before the election. My sister screamed at me that I was wrong, he is a gentle, kind, peace loving man and anyone who says otherwise has been brainwashed. She then went on to make racist comments about black and Jewish people. She pretty much cemented my opinion that Momentum / Corbyn loving labour supporters can’t see how hate filled they really are. I’ll never speak to her again for the racism alone.

Nutcrackerz · 15/12/2019 10:48

She just thinks you’re wrong and she is right and it is set in stone. Not a person you can have a good friendship with long term if they have this approach in life let alone in politics. She would rather blame your for Labour losing when even their own senior politicians have said it is time to examine their policies and the soul of the party.

myfavouriterain · 15/12/2019 10:46

It sounds like your friend is bothered about your motivation for voting tory out of the options available which is odd, because in this election IMHO we only had the option of voting for one of several turds. I mean she's not bothered about whether you voted, or angry at people who didn't vote at all, as far as I can tell from your post.

Thinking through why she might be so mad, logically she could think:
1.you didn't educate yourself on what the tories intend to do before voting

  1. you are misguided in what you believe the tories will do with the power they have just been given
3.you voted for what she believes the tories 'actual' agenda to be - it could be that she thinks the tories will use a strong majority to dismantle the UK, strip its assets and hand the riches to millionaire friends, while leaving the poorest worse off

It sounds like 3, because you have to have a pretty strong view to react in the way she did.

If you don't want to be her friend, there's no reason to engage, if you do it's important to figure out where she is coming from.

MangoStone · 15/12/2019 10:46

Tommy Robinson also might know

SinglePringle · 15/12/2019 10:45

why are left wingers so obnoxious?

Dunno. Ask Katie Hopkins.

cdtaylornats · 15/12/2019 10:43

Why are left-wingers so obnoxious?

MangoStone · 15/12/2019 10:43

I'm sorry your friend was so rude and I can see why you're upset.

But - I would be very shocked and disappointed if I found out any of my close friends voted Tory. Not to say that I have anything against conservatives generally, and of course everyone is free to vote for whoever they like. But voting Tory in this particular election, voting back in this government, does suggest that you agree with what they have been doing to the country over the last 9 years and that you want or at least can tolerate the continuation of those policies. It might not end the friendship but things wouldn't be the same.

Mamasaurous · 15/12/2019 10:40

I’d be really sad if I found out my closest friend voted Tory ... I’d not be rude about it though. But I would see them differently.

Chloemol · 15/12/2019 10:38

I think it’s time everyone grew up. We are a democracy and have the right to vote how we wish, and if this is different to others in family, friendship groups, colleagues or whatever it shouldn’t matter.

In this case I would be walking away as I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who obviously thinks she has the right to tell people how to vote or take her wrath