To think some posters need a "reality check" re. views on benefit changes

Nobody said she should have aborted

OK, can we back off from this becoming a termination thread?

Two people have faced difficult situations and because of their different personal beliefs have come to different conclusions. Respect to you both.

But people won't have known that you fell accidentally pregnant; I haven't seen anyone tell you that you should have terminated, but apologies if that's happened and I missed it.

I found it ironic that whilst railing against being derogatively labelled as a benefit scrounger, you were more or less expressing the view that people who terminate are murderers (in CAPS no less).

But thanks for seeing my point TNAPAS*

*Totally Not A Passive Aggressive Smiley

THisis thats fu***king terrible. I hope things are better now.

Well Winter I had far from an ideal childhood myself, care homes, battered by both parents that kind of thing which made me adament nothing short of prince charming himself would be good enough for my child and indeed I aborted a pregnancy that would have taken me down the path of history perhaps repeating itself.
I found that did indeed help

OK, fair do's Matches. But when I am basically being told that I should have done something against MY personal beliefs when I found myself accidentally pregnant, I do get a bit, erm, vocal.

How did THAT get deleted? It wasn't a direct personal attack - it was a ponderance on a question Alouisee asked?!

HuntyCat - that's 2x in two days I've seen you write that life begins at conception and that termination is murder (that's what you said in the other post). know it's your view, and of course you're entitled to it, but the way you've expressed it, in such a categoric way, knowing that MN is pro-choice on the whole ... I dunno, but I think it's a bit off. I think you could have said 'I don't believe in terminating pregnancies' and left it like that. Would have been the more sensitive thing to do.

I have to agree with math that making women reliant on the whims of their ex-partners in order to be able to work is a very dangerous path to go down. I have BTDT, my ex wasn't particularly abusive, but he is manipulative, and his agreement to look after our children while I worked came solely from a desire to get back together with me. He didn't have anywhere suitable to have the children so he came to look after them in my house, he repeatedly searched my house, stole my phone to read my text messages and hacked into my computer, and every time he found something he didn't like he would withdraw his "goodwill" and refuse to look after them (meaning also that they didn't see him) and leaving me on the back foot practically begging him for help. Eventually he found out I was seeing someone and relatively soon after that moved 400 miles away having himself met someone else while all this had been going on. It was a a really stressful time tbh, I had no idea from one week to the next if I'd be able to go to work, and it was only down to my good reputation at work and a very understanding boss that I managed to keep my job. It is not a sensible or reasonable solution to a lone parent's childcare problems.

... And to get back to the OP - YANBU! Very valid points

Bloody hell Remains, sounds like we married the same bloke!

Well, Heswall, perhaps not all of us had adequate childhoods. I had undiagnosed Aspergers and was also adopted into an abusive family. What a marvellous combination that was.

What attracted me to my XH was that he said he loved and wanted to marry me. I didn't know that words are cheap because I hadn't ever had loving words, cheap / false or not. Nobody told me when I was growing up that I was worthy of love - double whammy because my own mother didn't want me or so I was told all the time. Nobody told me that actions are what you look at in a man, or a friend. I had to learn that and it took some time.

And my upbringing was fucking idyllic compared to many people on this thread.

Hope this helps.

maybe we step away for the personal?

So did I, Shirley.

I reported the posts actually.

I say again Alouise Would you want someone looking after YOUR children who DIDNT want to be there?!

Alouisee - wasn't me that reported - I usually ignore the shit that is thrown at me on here. I have to live this day in day out, with people in RL calling me a scrounger because I have a seizure in a cafe and drop water on their shoes. Words on a screen aren't going to hurt me enough to run crying to mummy (or MNHQ) if I have to cope with that shit most days.

Remains was quoting me. When we married, he worked FT, I fell pg, he gave up work and morphed into a tosspot of the highest order.

And I HAVEN'T been 'bullshitting', and my name was changed because my Ex-P knew my old log-in name and was reading my posts. So kindly fuck off and stop personally attacking me, Alouisee.

He sounds a real catch Remains of the day, what was it that attracted you to him and made you decide to have his baby ?

Ex-H = 9yo DS1's father. Feckless waste of space that was only discovered when I was 6 months pregnant with DS1.

Ex-P = 8yo DS2 and 1yo DS3's father. Works hard for low wages, pays maintenace, but not the greatest PARTNER. Can't really help out with childcare as he works shifts in the local hospital kitchen.

And now I'm REALLY bowing out of this thread.

I think it is a really, really bad idea to try to bind women closer to men with whom they have had children either through childcare arrangements or financial support, if the relationship has fallen apart and if the women do not wish to have anything more to do with the men. If govt policy edges women into that sort of situation then I hope there will be long and loud protests. It would give abusive men carte blanche to jerk women around.