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Original poster

Grandad around

47 replies

cmsg · Yesterday 15:22

My daughter is two and both grandparents who live abroad sometimes come to visit us.
when I’m changing my daughters nappies or now that she is potty training he doesn’t leave the room. I find it weird and I’d expect him to not want to see it. Am I being weird or is it normal for grand dads not care?

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Copperoliverbear · Today 04:14

You should be leaving and going to the bathroom, you don’t change nappies in front of guests and need to bathroom to wash your hands ect.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · Today 00:50

cmsg · Yesterday 19:44

Basically just trying to understand what’s reasonable from people who have healthier minds than mine.

You’re a social worker who doesn’t have a healthy mind?

That’s a bit worrying to hear.

wishfulthinking25 · Yesterday 20:15

Do you have childhood trauma from someone that makes you think this? He’s your child’s grandfather, surely you know him, why would you jump to a conclusion of it’s weird HE doesn’t leave the room when YOU are changing your daughters nappy in front of him? My daughter is 2.5 and uses the potty in the front room (just potty trained) in front of both sets of grandparents when they’re here. My son is 15m and I also change his nappy in front of people in my home, I never thought to remove him or find it weird they aren’t removing themselves..

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BugJuice · Yesterday 20:04

My dad changed my babies’ nappies often.

Playingshops · Yesterday 20:00

if you really think your FIL is perving on your child, he wouldn’t need to see her bare bottom to think that way would he? He’s not going to catch being a paedophile he’s either a danger to your child, or he’s not.
I work in a similar field and wouldn’t automatically have an issue.
My DH wouldn’t go out of his way to change our granddaughter or grandson’s nappy, that’s my responsibility when they are with us. Have circumstances come about that he has changed their nappy on occasion when they have been staying with us, yes of course and neither their mum or dad have had an issue with that.
Sorry to say that, much less common of course, women also abuse young children so by that measure no one is safe.

SeptemberRains · Yesterday 19:44

Well that’s grand so.

Original poster
cmsg · Yesterday 19:44

Basically just trying to understand what’s reasonable from people who have healthier minds than mine.

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Original poster
cmsg · Yesterday 19:42

SeptemberRains · Yesterday 19:12

So essentially you think your father in law has a prurient interest in your 2 year old daughter. Have you told your husband of your concerns? As a social worker your instincts are probably more finely tuned than people who don’t have your professional skills and training.

I don’t think that. If I thought that contact would be stopped straight away. I know as Social worker red flags in family context are often ignored. I also know that I have experienced lots of second hand trauma and it could just be me overreacting. My husband is not worried and says he wouldn’t expect him to leave as in his family nobody sees it as a problem.

OP posts:
SeptemberRains · Yesterday 19:12

So essentially you think your father in law has a prurient interest in your 2 year old daughter. Have you told your husband of your concerns? As a social worker your instincts are probably more finely tuned than people who don’t have your professional skills and training.

Original poster
cmsg · Yesterday 19:03

somanychristmaslights · Yesterday 19:03

Is this your husbands dad?

Yes

OP posts:
somanychristmaslights · Yesterday 19:03

Is this your husbands dad?

Original poster
cmsg · Yesterday 18:54

newmommy2006yay · Yesterday 18:53

@cmsg this makes so much sense now this whole post if you're really worried keep an eye on him put I think it's normal

Thank you! That’s all I needed to know :)

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newmommy2006yay · Yesterday 18:53

@cmsg this makes so much sense now this whole post if you're really worried keep an eye on him put I think it's normal

Original poster
cmsg · Yesterday 18:51

newmommy2006yay · Yesterday 18:30

@cmsgstill it seems OK how old is she?

She’s two now. Just wanted some reassurance that’s it’s ok. I’m a social worker and I’ve seen the worse in people

OP posts:
newmommy2006yay · Yesterday 18:30

@cmsgstill it seems OK how old is she?

Original poster
cmsg · Yesterday 18:28

Thank you all! To clarify!! I’m obviously not expecting him to leave when we are socialising in the living room! I was in her room trying to put her down for a nap when noticed she had poo and changed her in her room where I always do. It happens her grandad was there and was just there staring while I was changing her. He also followed us to the toilet to use the potty because he and grandma wanted to see her in the pot try because they thought it was cute!

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newmommy2006yay · Yesterday 18:09

@MischanceSAME LOL

Mischance · Yesterday 18:08

Can't see the problem.

bt1234 · Yesterday 18:06

Just to add that I meant it never occurred to me to care about her grandad seeing her naked
But I always used to change her nappy in the bathroom, because who wants to see a dirty nappy changed! And incase anything leaked bathrooms normally have tiles
Also to wash hands!

bt1234 · Yesterday 18:03

It had never occurred to me but I was brought up by my dad and my child doesn't have a grandma on my side of the family. So I see my dad seeing her naked the same way i'd see any other close family member friend

cupfinalchaos · Yesterday 17:42

I’m sure he doesn’t particularly want to see, but what is exactly the issue if he does?

newmommy2006yay · Yesterday 17:41

I honestly use hand sanitizer after @TeenToTwenties

SeptemberRains · Yesterday 17:41

@cmsg
Why don’t you take your daughter to the bathroom to change her nappy?

TeenToTwenties · Yesterday 17:39

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · Yesterday 17:36

Well I don't understand why anyone would care 🤷‍♂️

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Well I guess because nappies are unclean, smell, have to be disposed of, the changer needs to wash their hands, you wouldn't have an open laundry basket of underwear in you living room, and it just doesn't seem like the 'right' place to be doing it.

newmommy2006yay · Yesterday 17:39

@AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone like honest who is going to care it's normal I'm hardly going to let my child sit in their waist

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