Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

While waiting outside DD1's ballet class my DD2 (aged 3) said she wanted a drink. I suggested going to the shop next door but she said "I want to go to the bar". My refusal led her to lie on the floor screaming "I want to go to the bar!" Don't know where she gets it from

this has made me splutter my coffee all over the keyboard!

hilarious!

DS when he was about 3 asked very loudly in a cafe "why is that man so FAT?" I was mortified and squirmed and said "that isnt a very nice thing to say about someone"

DS then said, but he is Mummy, he is HUGE. - Cue the man turning round and saying "its coz I drink too much beer!" and grinning.

Thankfully, the man saw the funny side. Of course it was just before Christmas and the place was heaving with people.

Fuck off Grandad. That has had me laughing all day.

Two of many at the supermarket checkout in a very loud voice my DS (2 at the time) yelled 'Daddy says BOLLOCKS!!' and when he was 4 he saw a man jogging up a hill, DS shouts 'Daddy lets beat that man up' meaning lets race him to the top but by the way the joggers pace quickened I think he thought DS & DH were just about to duff him up.....

DD (about 5) spotted a woman suffering from Dwarfism and said in a very loud voice: "Look at that little girl Mummy. Hasn't she got very fat legs and the most enormous bottom!"

I tried to drag her away and started to explain that the woman was in fact an adult to which dd replied "REALLY!!! You could have fooled ME!!"

Just remembered another...

@ a Nursery picnic, I was chatting to some other parents, only to have one nudge me, & I turned around to see DD, then 3,1/2 doing hand stands......with no knickers on..... turned out she had whipped them off just before leaving the house.......... on telling her off, & asking what she's done with her knickers, she proclaimed VERY loudly...WELL MUMMY!!, I TOOK THEM OFF AS THATS WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO

funniest bit, was 3 other Mums feeling sorry for me & then owning up to not wearing knickers in Summer, as they believed DD.......when it wasn't true

I was in the swimming changing rooms last summer. Now, I have no children, but because I went from a size 8 to 14 by the quick route, I have a few delightful stretchmarks. I had just turned to fact the walls so I could slip my knickers on without flashing the room (as you do).

Cue a little hand grabbing my upper thigh, followed a very confused child saying:

'You have the same bottom as MY mummy!'

Her mum was about fifteen years older than me and considerably larger - she was mortified, I thought it was hilarious.

Ds1 and I once had a long and loud (on his part, anyway) conversation in the chemist's about why we were in there - he wanted to know.

I told him I needed to get the tablets the doctor had prescribed. He wanted to know why I needed tablets, so I told him I had an abcess - then had to explain that an abcess was a sore spot that had gone yucky. Then he wanted to know where the abcess was, so I murmured quietly into his ear that it was on my booby. "OOOoooh Mummy - can I SEE the abcess on your booby?" Cue me trying to explain why I wasn't going to show him my boob in the chemists shop - because people might laugh - why mummy - and might call it indecent exposure..... And so it went on - with every other bugger in the shop sidling closer so they could hear better!

I've just spat my wine all over the keyboard puddytats!!!

not my DS thankfully but when i was about 18 in pub with boyfriend.

Boyfriend came back from toilets with massive grin on his face and said that little boy over there just turned round to his dad when we were both at the urinals and shouted really loudly "why has that man got a bigger willy than you dad" "why dad" "why" "dad why arent you answering me"

Cue lots of hysterical giggling by me and boyfriend and him trying to show me which man it was

I feel really sorry for the dad now that i have my own 3 monsters

PMSL @ some of these....so glad DD has grown out of this now...well mostly

but she's done some real doozies in the past

@ 2, all angelic looking, curls ribbons & pretty dress toddling down the road & a coach load of elderly tourist getting of their coach as we passed, spotted her & started cooing over how pretty/cute she looked........

She suddenly took of running after a pigeon that had landed near a bin...Screaming at the top of her voice.... "get out of it, you f'ing dirty smelly B@stard ,,,,,ground open up now please, I could hear the tuts & FEEl the old dears looks of disapproval at "Chav Mum from hell ...... I wouldn't mind but I'm not really a swearer & I've always been very careful never to swear in front of here, DH the same

A large lady walking down the street in front of us, wearing a shocking pink skirt....DD @ 2,1/2...MUMMY, THAT LADY IS TOO FAT TO BE WEARING A SKIRT THAT COLOUR, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER........like it was something I would normally do

At 3, she regularly told people off in the street for swearing, complete with hands on hips & wagging finger......especially a group of local winos who took to sitting outside our supermarket for a while..... & would she be dragged away quickly....no chance.

@ 4, On taking money out of cash point, & someone begging nearby begging me for money, she turned on him, hands on hips & finger wagging, & gave him a lecture on getting a wash, & working for his own money like Daddy did

LOUDLY in the poolside shack of a toilets on Holiday....MUMMY WHY HAVE YOU GOT ??? SPIDERS LEGS HANGING OUT OF YOUR KNICKERS

I could go on & on.....she's always had plenty to say for herself....still has

& laughing at the child abuse ones, seems thats not uncommon....when our friends Son fell & banged himself badly & had to go to A&E...there Daughter, 3 at the time told the Doctor...Daddy punched him

When my brother and i were little, we were in the doctor's waiting room which was, as these places usually are, very very quiet. My brother, who was probably about 3 at the time, suddently stood up, did some sort of lunging movement and shouted at the top of his voice 'BIG FAT BOOOOBIES'. To say my mum was mortified was probably an understatement.

Loving this thread, very funny.

I have told this before, but here goes again.

Picking up dd from nursery one afternoon i get taken to one side for a word. Apparently ddd told everyone that when she and mummy had a bath (we quite often share a bath), mummy lets dd wash her pussy.........

I have 2 pussycat tattoos.

How the ground did not swallow me up i do not know and i have gone red just remembering the incident

gladitsover - I picked up my son in a shop when he was about 2 as he was refusing to leave. As we walked past a woman he held out his arms to her and shouted "Help me lady!"

lol!!! what did the woman say???!!!

ROFL
Can this one go in the Classics?
DD doesn't say very much just yet but I am waiting for the day!

Not me (thankfully) but a dear friend...

She had a "clash" with a form teacher; and became quite irrate when discussing it with her DH that evening. It was an ongoing saga.

She thought that DC's were out of ear shot.

The following day her DS told the teacher that "his Mummy thought that she'd had a really good thumping with the ugly stick"

Oh that's reminded me of another police one: the community officers came to dd1's infant school to give a talk about their work. And the end, nobody asked any questions except dd1, who, after much thinking, piped up "So, do you like doughnuts then?"

I knew I shouldn't have let her watch The Simpsons...

When out shopping with Ds (2.5) he amuses himself by farting very loudly, and the pointing at me saying 'haha, mummy farted'

charming child.

oh just remembered another one.

Dh took his van to go help a friend move some stuff and took DS with him - DS must have been about 5

Friend gets inthe van and DS turns to friend and says dad says your a bloody pain in the arse always wanting to use his van

dh just laughed and said i didnt say that cue DS yes you did daddy you said he was a pain and you were going to charge people for using your van

oh goodness i am weeping with laughter

ds (aged 5 at the time), local police representative comes to school - burgalry comes up in conversation, policeman made comment about locking fronts doors and keeping safe. Ds pipes up with great authority "you must lock the back door too and the windows".

The police man commented how sensible my son was to which he responded

"yeah well the back windows are the easiest to jimmy open with a screwdriver then mummy can boost you through the window to go and unlock the front door as long as the keys are there".

WE WERE LOCKED OUT OF MY OUR OWN HOUSE AND MY HUSBAND WAS AWAY WHEN THIS HAPPENED!!!!!

Have since met the very nice police man who said he told everyone at the station about the junior master criminal.

DS is pretty nonverbal ATM but he does say a few things (mostly car, tractor etc. ) however one unfortunate phrase he has picked up is 'wanna ride' (as in 'would you like to go on the ride on toy).

This morning we went shopping and he chased an elderly gentleman through the shopping centre yelling 'wanna ride? Wanna ride?' as the man was in an electric wheelchair

F* off grandad is fantastic (for us, not you obviously)

Back in the 70's friends of my parents turned up in their new Rolls Royce. My sister ran to the front door to greet them with "mummy says you're only here to show off your new car"

When my ds was in reception I used to help out in his class one day a week.

One day they had a supply teacher in, and after break she got out a book to read them a story. Before she did she told them a bit about the author and said "she was a granny when she wrote this book," to which one of the kids piped up, "Like you."

Out for the day with 5 year old DD and school friends.

A group of ladies dressed in burkas walked past, small girls start discussing the attire.
Loudly and with great authority DD informs the other girls, that "those ladies are all lesbians, my mummy told me".

Mummy had shown her 'photos of our Middle East holiday including a lovely Lebanese lady tour guide.