Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

My DC haven't said anything as funny as this yet!

When we went to France for the first time as little kids, my Mum made a big point of telling us how French policemen had guns. On the way back to the ferry, we got pulled over for speeding. Cue my brother (3yrs) screaming at the policeman "Don't shoot my Daddy"!

DS (age 3) on kissing old lady in sitting room of old people's home.
Very loudly, "Cor! That prickled!"

DD, at supermarket check out, loading up her loot.
"I've got peanuts now. I just need a willy."

I was sitting in Dominos Pizza with DS1 (4) and he says rather loudly...Mummy has that lady eaten too much pizza?

I turned to see a very large lady sitting next to us!!

he also told a lady in the Coop that he had gone to school in his pyjama top (Rushed morning where I didn't realise he was wearing vest, PJ tshirt, School polo and jumper!!)

My friend trying to explain honestly why/how she was having a baby by donor sperm to her 8yo DS. "Because it takes girl parts and boy parts to make a baby and I only have girl parts".

The next day they are talking to the neighbour man (aquaintance at most) and her DS says "You have a willy you can help my Mum make a baby".

Cringe factor!

In a queue at the till in John Lewis DS (4) noticed a tall man in front of us with a hat on - 'Oh look, it's Indiana Jones', he announced loudly. As the man turned around to smile kindly at us, DS realised his mistake - 'oh no it isn't, THAT man has got a dark face'. I turned a delightful shade of beetroot and swiftly had a chat with DS.

DS doesn't talk much yet, so I've got this to come, but my brother (who is much younger than me) once asked an old lady on the bus if she was going to die soon, 'because you are really very old.'

And he got very excited once at the airport when he saw a muslim lady in a full black burka because he thought she was Batman. Luckily she thought this was very funny and spent about an hour swooping around the departure lounge with him and her children shouting 'na na na na Batman!'

P.S. Poor Grandad!

The daughter of a lady I work with caused much mirth in the local Tesco a few years ago, she was 4 at the time.
Whilst doing the weekly shop said daughter disappeared into the next aisle and a cry came up of "Mummy! I've found your juice!" She then appeared from around the corner carrying a bottle of red wine

Occasionally I come out with 'damn it or sh*t' and DS (3) says 'Don't say it Mummy, don't say the F word'.

Which I don't by the way that is DHs transgression. That we are working on.

DS says "DD said the F word Mum', I say "Did she? What did she say?
DS says "She said DUMB (or Shut Up)".

Oh God, my DC have both said SO many embarrassing things over the years - it's a wonder I still go out in public!

One thing that sticks in my mind was when DS started reception, DD was already in the same school and there had been a run of letters asking for money for this that and the other. It was January so things were tight after christmas and I was getting fed up of getting these letters so was moaning to DD about it. A couple of days later DS came marching out of class, waving a letter above his head and shouting "look Mum, they want MORE bloody money off us" The letter turned out to be about something completely different. That was mortifying enough, but I was talking to my friend later, who is also a TA in reception and she told me that when she handed the letters out, DS had shouted "oh I'm getting fed up of this, what do you want money for NOW?" My friend said that the teacher had to leave the room as she was laughing so much.

I've also had the public toilets thing with both of them; are you doing a wee or a poo mummy? Why do you have rope coming out of your bits mummy? Good girl mummy, along with a round of applause - this was when potty training DD!

And not the DC so slightly off topic, but DH, DD & I were in a shop when DD was about 18 months old, we were trying to look at something and DD was lying on the floor in front of us tantrumming. DH looks down at DD and says "DD get up now or I'll kick you in the head" cue a loud tut and a look of total and utter disgust from an old lady stood next to us. DH had meant , if you don't get up I may accidentally kick you in the head. But obviously it didn't come across like that!!

"Look at that mans hat"

Full volume DS whilst pointing at a bloke with an obvious wig.

we were sitting next to 2 wig wearing old ladies in a cafe.

DD piped up very loudly "look at the grannies funny hair"

DD 3 - "Mummy this is a f*king sandwich"
Me - "no it's an egg sandwich"

Heard this one secondhand, but picture a family out for posh celebration meal, with grandparents etc.

3 year old boy asks grandad to pass the ketchup, and on being stopped and told by his mum " what do you say?" calmly announced...

"sorry, pass the f'ing ketchup, grandad"

My own DS (3) broke down sobbing recently whilst we were out and begged me not to flush him down the toilet again

'Why don't you have boobs , ladies have boobs?'

To a woman in the swimming pool changing room.

During a quiet moment in church DS who wasn't quite 2 dropped a book and exclaimed at the top of his voice "oh bollocks"

Once when walking past a fried chicken place DS took one look at the boys (black) standing outside and said "monkeys oooo oooo oooo"

I asked DS to let a lady past in a shop and he said "that's not a lady it's a granny"

My friends young (3) DD running up the hall to join Dad in the shower slipped and scratched her bottom on the metal slat that used to join up lino pieces in old houses. So the next day at day care tells the child care worker "I was in the shower with Daddy and now my bottom is sore".

Love em!

silverdog you've actually made me cry laughing

in fact ds1 being able to read and spell is not always a blessing come to think of it.

the other day, he proudly told me how to spell the 'S' word and there was me wondering all this time...

DS aged 4 at the time- 'mummy that lady looks like the joker in batman' (she was wrinkly he later said)

again DS- 'old people need sticks DD1 because they're very old and can't walk'

again DS in a shop- 'mummy look at that fat man' (i agree the man was very large but he said it right next to him!! AND pointed)

DD1 on the bus, aged 3 at the time- 'that man in front of me smells, he might have trumped and not said excuse me'

DD1 in a shopping queue- 'that man has a willy doesn't he mummy? and you have a front bottom and BIIIIIIIG boobies dont you mummy?'

DD1 at nursery last week, now aged 4 (re-told throguh teacher)- 'my mummy has milk in her boobies, i have the milk in my breakfast- it tastes yummy'

God- too many to list them all but they are the best that come to mind right now!!

When I was at uni a friend of mine had to bring his DS into a lecture as the childminder had called in sick at the last minute.

DS "Daddy this is boring. Could we go and do a bit more pooing together instead?"

These are brilliant-have been told off by ds1 for guffawing very loudly!

DD is pretty good at giving me the blushes-at the zoo last year, whilst looking at all the lovely monkeys, she happened to notice one that was a bit 'excited' shall we say. Cue lots of comments from her about the monkey's winky and how big it was and why was it pulling at it etc. etc. The place was full of people trying (and failing) not to laugh at her. I was so red, i could have set the place alight!

I will also admit to a bit of road rage at times-there is no denying it really, when soemone pipes up from the back "are you not gonna beep the horn at that car?" after being cut up.
ds1 used to take great delight in telling everyone who would listen about my delightful language whilst in the car...

The other day in M&G Food Hall:

Me: After we're done shopping, what do you fancy doing?

DD (3): I want to go to the pub.

I should point out that the village pub has a lovely family garden and that we sometimes take the kids there on a Saturday tea time. I'm not some crazy booze-hound dragging her neglected children all over town in search of cheap vodka... Well, not often anyway.

And the cringiest one either of them have ever come out with was in a very crowded motorway service station toilet. I'd brought the kids into the cubicle with me and, pulling my knickers down, I realised that my period had come upon me all of a sudden. Before I could do anything:

DS (3) in the loudest voice I have ever heard him use: What's that in your knickers mummy? Is it jam?

Haven't laughed so much for ages

DD(3) - in the lift at the hospital, only the 2 of us and one other lady.
DD pipes up "is that what a scarecrow looks like mummy?"

Needless to say I got out of the left at the next level...

Another time my friend and I were driving into town with DS in the back seat of the car. A huge tipper truck came along the narrow country road, taking up both sides, not slowing down, and almost ran us off the road.

I shouted "you stupid bastard you nearly killed us!" then another truck came straight after that, and DS said "ooh no Mummy 2 bastards!"

My friend nearly wet herself laughing, I didnt know what to say, part of me was proud because he added to 2, part of me was because I try not to swear in front of the kids! So, I just said "good counting darling" THAT is what my friend remembers most about my DS being a toddler!