Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

DH took DS swimming recently. After their swim, DH asked DS in the changing room if he needed to go for a wee. He replied very loudly "No it's okay Daddy, I did a wee in the pool!"

Because all three of ours used tobath together, we often had 'namings of the parts' discusions. 8yo ds1 had himself in stitches once by announcing that "if this is a penis, then these must be peenuts". His sister and brother didn't understand, so he explained with the aid of, well, his bits.

A day or two later, I'm in the supermarket with nearly 3yo ds2, muttering to myself "...nuts...eggs...peanut butter..." as you do. Ds2 anounces,repeTedly and loudly

I have nuts in my willy. Mummies don't have willies and nuts. Do you have nuts in your knickers?

Message withdrawn

I've just remembered another one which happened recently, DS aged 5 said in the queue at the chemists for no apparent reason and in the most plaintive voice I have heard him use 'PLEEEEAAASSE MUMMY STOP DRINKING SO MUCH RED WINE!!!' EVERYONE turned round to get a look a the drunken mother, it wouldn't be so bad but I hardly ever drink

In a changing room trying on a blouse i took off my top but still had my (low rise) jeans on.

dd (4) pokes me in the back "that's a really big lumpy bit mummy, ds, shall we see if there is one at the other side? oh look there is one there too"

Vows there and then to get rid of muffin top and NEVER to take my children ionto a changing room again!

hahahaha this thread is brilliant!

whilst sat on a packed bus with my then 3 yo DS, he saw a picture of an elephant on an advert and yelled "LOOK MUMMY! A FUCKING ELEPHANT!!!" i was mortified. (and why it was a "fucking" elephant i have no idea!)

then when DD was a newborn (he was 3), he was watching me change her nappy and said "Mummy, why has she not got a winky?" and I said, because girls don't have winkies. he then looked thoughtful and said "well we will have to buy her one then won't we"

and once i bumped into an old school friend in town, who, bless her, has cropped hair and is rather manly looking, and my son said, mummy, who is your friend? i replied, her name is hayley. he replied, is hayley a man or a lady?" i almost died!

I thought you were going to say it was the bride for a minute there SmellslikeTeenSweat!

Re. stuff we say when we're angry in the car...I used to swear rather a lot at other drivers but DD was beginning to copy some of my phrases. I have now worked hard at moderating my language in that context and, as a result, DD will now say things like: 'Mummy, that driver is a codpiece, isn't he?'

She also once said 'Grrr...this is really pissing me off' when she was about 2.5, in front of my Dad who is not a fan of even mild swearing. That was embarrassing.

I arrived at nursery one night to collect the DCs and staff kept coming up and congratulating me. Turns out DS had told everyone that I had a baby in my tummy. A baby boy as I recall. I was mortified - had to explain to everyone and DS it wasn't true and promptly started a diet the next day.

DH has a choice turn of phrase on occasion and DD is 3 and repeats things verbatim that he says.
In a National Trust garden last week, went to the ladies loos, 5 cubicles occupied with genteel old ladies. DD and I enter the only empty cubicle, whereupon DD recoils in horror and cries out 'UGH! Yuck! Mummy someone has turfed one out!'
I had to laugh and heard more laughter coming from adjacent cubicles...

I have twins, & DS (2) wanted to wear dresses like his sister. We explained that boys/men don't. We went to a wedding, got there late, the church was full & everyone was sitting quietly, waiting for the bride to arrive. We hovered at the back, wondering where to sit, when DS pointed down the aisle and shouted "LOOK! THAT MAN'S WEARING A DRESS!"

It was the vicar .

Great thread!

DD (3) loudly to DH at our local supermarket: "Daddy, put me in the trolley now or I'll STAB you".

In loo in Sainsbury's, DD pipes up in a very loud voice - "Mummy, why are you wearing a baby nappy?" (sanitary towel)

From my own childhood; I actually remember this one - shouting across the road on the way to school, at neighbour (Susan) and her mum: "My mum doesn't like the name Susan" (in a ner ner voice)

I was very fond of our cat. One day we were on the bus & I was sitting on Mum's lap. The woman in front had a fur collar on her coat. Mum said I suddenly leaned forward, started stroking the collar & saying loudly "Nice pussy.. aah!... lovely pussy..." The woman turned round, irritated & embarrassed but Mum was laughing too much to stop me!

Just thought of another.

DD (6) playing in her room last week with very prim little friend over for tea.

They have the dolls house and barbie car out, can hear them playing, then DD says 'Beep Beep, get out of the way you stupid bastard'. I went in to tell her off but to be fair, I don't have much patience in the car and may have said something like that on occasion!

Recently I went to a loo in a station with my DD (3). We then crushed into a packed commuter train whereupon DD announced in clear loud voice to assembled carriage 'Mummy, you put that teabag up your bottom when we were in the loo, why did you do that?' I was mortified and mumbled about explaining later before distracting her with crisps. I then avoided catching anyone's eye for the whole journey home.

(I think she meant tampon)

Years ago I was at a wedding in a small country church. There was a little boy there (about 2/3) who was fascinated by the cameras everyone had. At the end of the service the official photographer was standing in the aisle waiting to snap the happy couple as they walked out of the church. He was holding one camera and the other one was hanging over his shoulder - it was a big SLR with a long lens. Small boy gazed admiringly at it for a few seconds before saying very loudly in impressed tone of voice 'You've got a big one!'

My own, dear DS has been fairly restrained, but I did once take him with me to drop off some cash to a local builder. Very kindly he and his wife asked us in for a cup of tea, so to entertain us DS announced loudly 'I've done TWO poos today!' It wasn't even true! But as we were potty training at the time I suppose it was the most impressive feat he could think of to amuse the assembled company.

I am meant to be voting and picking the DC's up from school but this is much better. My face hurts from laughing.

I'm suppost to be at Tescos, but I'm too busy laughing at this thread!!!

Looking forward to these! (DS is 17 weeks)

Mummy, why does that man have a black face?

Which is absolutely fine on its own, but we happened to keep passing each other in the shop so was followed up with:

Why doesn't he wash it off?

and

Is his willy black as well?

and

Mummy, is that black man God?

I bought a toolkit for DS (2yrs) when we were renovating house, so he could do DIY with daddy. Unfortunately the imitation was a bit too good. Found him banging with hammer, happily saying over and over again "Knock knock SHIT! Knock knock SHIT!".

DS can't stop talking about 'poof poof Pat' in a real Geordie voice. He is two Postman Pat is by far his favourite character.

Oh what a fantastic thread. Our DD has several times asked loud and embarrassing questions about large people, old people etc. Nothing too out of the ordinary though.

DS' language development has been quite slow and his speech is unclear. His pronunciation of 'again' sounds remarkably like 'gay'. We were having a nice walk along the seafront recently and OH was throwing DS up in the air, spinning him about etc. DS was shouting 'GAY! GAY! GAY!' at the top of his voice. At that precise moment, two handsome and very well-dressed young men walked by with their chihuahua... from the look they gave us, I can only assume they were a couple.

I picked something up off the floor for a lady in a wheelchair who'd dropped it and DD said "mummy, that lady can talk"

(I work with people in wheelchairs who can't)

DS1, 3 at the time, in our village shop. He saw an old lady and for some reason took a dislike to her, even though she was smiling kindly at him. He pointed his tube of smarties up at her and started waving them like a wand whilst saying 'Get back you creepy thingy'!

ok....well here goes...not quite public but FIL was sat in the lounge, in walks DS1 (age about 3) with my, erm, ahem waving it around and yelling 'LOOK AT MY LIGHT SABRE GRANDAD'