Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

we were at the zoo and i asked the boys where they wanted to go next. they replied 'the buggery' (meaning bug house - obv) and ran off going 'buggery buggery' full blast.

i was actually quite proud of them.

Remembered another one. Visiting neighbours for first time . ( elderly couple) Sitting in lounge having a cuppa . Their dog comes in. Ds (7) pipes up " hello doggy, have you just been for a w.." The lady interrupts " NO! don't say the 'w' word, he'll go mad " Cue ds " what, wanker? "

Luckily they saw the funny side....

Oh Ive just remembered a classic

my parents had a dog called Bomber, a big black labrador

visiting them in south london one day, we pop out with youngest DC in buggy to the local supermarket

DC sees a black ladrador and shouts "Look mummy, theres a Bomber! Look a bomber, granny, look over there, a bomber!"

I was embarrassed and PMSL at the same time

Mine is similar to ladyblablah's... My youngest who was 3 at the time (and has the most squeakiest voice which carries for miles, think alvin the chipmunk.) Pipes up on seeing a man with dwarvism 'mummy look, look one of santa's elves.'

Going to school, she on scooter, me lagging behind due to only walking.

DD: "If you moved a bit faster mummy you could get some of that weight shifted"

Thanks, dear.

BulletProofMum - we had a similar experience in Evans in Bluewater. Ds1 and ds2 were in the double buggy, when ds1 stood up, whipped his trousers down and announced in ringing tones; "Look - my wee wee is UP!"

I have to confess that I ran away went to the till to pay for my dress, and left dh to deal with it - I felt I didn't have the right experience or skill-set to cope!

DD aged 2 and a bit when we were in a family changing cubicle at the pool

"why does daddy have a pony tail on his bottom?"

cue snorts from the next door room! I was not a MNer back them but I wonder whether there was a thread about it from the mum next door

Carrotgirl - you reminded me- my dd (aged 3) used to tantrum regularly if we were on our way home, say from dropping brother at school, or from playgroup etc and if I picked her up to expedite matters she would yell at the top of her voice " This woman's not my mother!"

Also , on the bus with ds aged 4 who had recently had chicken pox. On gets a hooded youth (about 17)

• with acne, who sits opposite us (knees touching you know the seats i mean)"Look Mummy,

Loving this thread.

My friend (when he was small!) was on the bus with his mum. The bus passed a field with a few animals in it.

"MUM, WHY HAS THAT DONKEY GOT FIVE LEGS?"

my eldest son, aged about 2 or 3 had gone a bit crazy after eating a cake with icing on it....in the eerily quiet housing benefit office he starts shouting repeatably in an extremely loud voice "MY MUMMY WEARS UNDERPANTS".....i most certainly do not! ......

In the middle of a posh crowed changing room:

"look mummy - my winky's gone big'

Was in the shower with DD at the swimming pool, showers are indivdual, enclosed cubicles.
DD (age 3) said she needed the toilet, so I whispered to her 'Just do it in the shower' (Ok, I know I shouldn't have), she replied,
'MUMMY, I AM NOT DOING A WEE IN THE SHOWER'!
I was , and did not want to leave the shower!

Oh and ..."Mummy you've got a hairy bottom, MUMMY YOU'VE GOT A HAIRY BOTTOM! MUMMY WHY HAVE YOU GOT A HAIRY BOTTOM?!!" while in the semi-open showers at a campsite we stayed out. I could hear sniggers of laughter coming from the campsite office right next door.

(I am her mummy)

Loving this thread, think I'll read it all

"mummy are you doing a Poo ?" , my youngest ds said in a public toilet, when he was about 4 yrs.
He also said "Fucking b. . . ." when he fell over once.
I have two grown up kids as well and the language he used to hear when they lived at home was very fruity !!!(bad )
I feel sometimes i literally want to gag him. He can be VERY outspoken, as he had mild ADHD. When he is misbehaving and i have to retrain him out shopping occassionally he shouts " GET OFF ME" ! . . .SO embarrassing. !

When dd1 was going through the terrible twos she regularly used to shout "I WANT MY MUMMY!" mid tantrum...really really loudly. Making me out to be either some sort of child abductor or the worst childminder in the world!

DS & his willy again - I went to pick him up from after-school club and he was wearing someone else's shirt. I asked what had happened and they said he had had a bit of an accident and they'd changed his shirt - so DS pipes up helpfully 'I went to the toilet and my willy was sticking up so the wee went all over my shirt!'

I dropped DD1 (3) at nursery the other day and her nursery nurse said, "Oh isn't it a lovely day! Shall we go out to the garden?" to which she replied, "No! It's fucking freezing!"

Also, a few months ago I was visiting my (very old, very unwittingly racist) Nana with the kids. I had such a bellyache and had nipped upstairs to go to the loo and when DS2 noticed I was missing he wailed, "Where's my Mummy gone?". My Nana told him I'd ran away with a darkie and I swear I didn't think about it again until about a week later, DH & I took all four kids to Sainsburys and I realised halfway around that we'd forgotten yoghurt. I ran back and just heard DS2 ask DH where I'd gone. DH - unthinkingly - said, "She's ran away" to which DS2 mournfully cried, "WITH A DARKIE?!"

Needless to say, we had a chat with Nana.

DS made me cringe slightly in Waitrose a few months back (must have been about 22 months) when he picked a small can of coconut cream off the conveyor belt and pretended to drink it, all the while loudly saying 'BEER, mummy! Look, BEER!' I give it to him all the time, of course.

Not in public (thank god!) but the other day, I picked him off the floor where he was languishing in front of Cbeebies, and put him in his highchair for lunch. He put up a bit of a fuss ('want Iggle piggle, mummy') and then looked sad and said, very clearly, 'bugger'. I was and said 'What did you say?' and he thought a little bit, and then said 'Bloody hell'. Both of them came out a bit resigned and sad. I thought, well at least he's got the context right for swearing!

This is all my fault, I am a terrible potty mouth and DH waves the swear box at me on a daily basis. I'm going to be publically ostracised, aren't I?

smellsliketeensweat - you must be a real Nirvana fan, to know it was deoderant...

mini hijack<

Devn is indeed a perfect place sitting. and thinking.

one of the mercies of a not-very-verbal toddler...not much in this vein.

DD ran up to the Vicar shouing 'Daddy' at playgroup though.

So, there was the time with the man with dwarfism...........

DS2 shouted "look at that man, look at that man" all in ear shot of the man, pointing and speaking in a loud voice

Thought that was bad enough. That was until DS1 piped up in all seriousness "don't worry DS2, its just an elf"

FFS

Love this thread,so so funny

Just remembered another one,we took ds shopping & decided to go to M&S for lunch,cue ds who had just turned 3 at the time asking to go to the loo.

I said i would take him & he wanted to have a poo,when he had finished he shouted in the loudest voice ever "Mummy, i have just done a poo like King Kongs finger"

The toilets were full of old ladies tutting at my filthy mouthed toddler.

Yes,dh had taught him that lovely phrase.