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Original poster

Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

333 replies

bethylou · 05/05/2010 22:25

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

OP posts:
Jacksmama · 07/05/2010 15:50

DS (2.3) did a classic a few months ago. We were in the queue waiting to pay for groceries and the man in front of us farted. Judging by the little startled jerk he did, it was one of those "oops, it slipped out" ones but it was still rather loud. DS points at his back and says in his loudest toddler voice "YOU TOOT!!"
Cue JM wanting to sink into a deep hole in the ground. I distinctly heard several snickers around us. The man turned around with a very red face, looked at DS's extremely happy smile and said "I did, little man - sorry!"

What a lovely way to handle it... I apologized profusely, he waved away my apology and just said "what can I say, I did - kids, eh?".

herewegoloopyloo · 07/05/2010 15:43

DD aged 2 - in shopping centre, stops right in front of large man with mop of red hair, beard and glasses, points and says loudly in incredulous voice: "Look mummy! What' s THAT animal?" Fortuanately, he saw the funny side...

Also aged 2, meeting my husbands bosses and colleagues for first time at xmas drinks do, pulls up her top and says to the general crowd 'Look. I've got tiny, tiny nipples. Mummy's got big nipples". Then tries to pull down my (low-ish cut) top to try to demonstrate. Mortified< I hastily try to distract and send her in the direction of snacks, only to turn round a moment later to realise she is now demanding to know the size of everyone else's nipples and attempting to get visual verification!

And the old classic, whilst potty training, her walking back though crowded restaurant, with her singing 'mummy did a poo-oo. Well done mummy' accompanied by her clapping me loudly.....

foureleven · 07/05/2010 15:33

"Mummy, Ive finished!!"

As she backs out of the toilet in to the doctors waiting room - pooey bottom in the air.

VirginonRidiculous · 07/05/2010 15:33

Or one I forgot. Standing in front of a man with only one leg and crutches and shouting " Look mum, this man only has one leg". I said " Gosh you're right DS1"...sharp exit.

VirginonRidiculous · 07/05/2010 15:30

Waaaaa ha ha. I love this thread.

Hmmm.. ds1 (3.10yrs) shouting "Suprise!" whilst showing my friends his tiddler.

Out with GP's and calling a portly waitress a "fat freak" after watching my 15 year old relations having a slanging match and using the same terminolgy.

Always being amazed by soft/runny poo's and shouting for me to come and have a look.

foureleven · 07/05/2010 15:28

I have a few:

DD at childminder when i dropped her off and CM needed a wee: 'mummy go in the toilet with CM! you can see she has a furry doopydoopy. Why isn't your doopy furry? Is it because shes sooooooo much older than you?'

Same subject but in swimming pool changing room: 'Mummy, why are some doopys furry and yours is just like mine?'

To man in street in wheel chair; "why are you still in a pushchair?"

To my sister "why did freddie (half african cousin) come out with a brown face?"

Notdirtyenough · 07/05/2010 15:13

I am crying here!

Why are the funniest ones, the ones where it is children telling someone to fuck off? PMSL.

"Fuck off Grandad" and "Fuck off Joesph"

This thread needs to go in classics.

nooverallcontrol · 07/05/2010 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beasknees · 07/05/2010 14:29

i never in all my days expected to hear my daughter utter the immortal phrase ' mummy my marble's lost in my 'gina'.

How do you respond to that?

maltesers · 07/05/2010 14:26

ooohhhhh ! the little devil BZZBEE . . imagine the parents faces OMG

bzzbee · 07/05/2010 13:16

Friends of my parents were at a nativity play last year to see their grandson (about 4yrs old at the time). He had really wanted to play Joseph from the beginning but had been given the part of the Innkeeper. Anyway, he seemed to have gotten over his disaapointment.

On the night of the play Joseph & Mary knock on the door of the inn to ask for a room, the Innkeeper opened the door and said (at the top of his voice) "Fuck Off Joseph".

littlemoominmamma · 07/05/2010 13:03

Sons friend in cinema shouting across foyar , "Can I have a large tub of cock porn!"

Husband not listening (as usual!) "salty or sweet????"

Yuk!

OsbegaEthewulf · 07/05/2010 12:29

this ain't spoken but the humiliation was there!

I was hosting a neighbourhood watch scheme in our house and half way through my dd toddled in wearing a pair of my worn knickers on her head soiled gusset outwards

My ds topped this feat by pulling his pants down whilst we were queuing in the building society to show me a poo sticking out of his bumhole

argghhhh

ChippingIn · 07/05/2010 12:20

MrsRhettButler Fri 07-May-10 00:46:21
oh yes, the car ones dd (3 at the time) and I were watching a lady try to park her car in a smallish space.. (we were waiting to go past, in summer so all windows open)

dd: 'OH. MY. GOD. mummy, you could put a jumbo jet in there couldn't you?' 'she's taking the piss!' 'HURRY UP WOULD YOU!

Out of the mouths of babe - I have tears rolling down my face...

Thanks guys....

(Blooming flowers - I need more help with yours, clearly my phonetics aren't up to scratch??)

squishy · 07/05/2010 12:19

Wow, I have been sitting here with tears streaming down my face, unable to speak and poor DD asking - are you laughing and crying, Mummy?!!!

Fabulous - this is what they should make a book out of; it'd be a bestseller!!!

rockinhippy · 07/05/2010 11:45

I've got tears rolling down my face, these just get funnier & funnier

some have reminded me of a few more of DDs

On a back train heading North to visit family, I rang DH on my mobile......only to hear DD, then 2, 1/2 announce very loudly to a packed train, Mummy is trying to find Daddy, he'll be in the pub, he's always in the pub drinking too much beer, Mummy can never find him........que sympathetic looks all round ........ & its not true

Another pretty scary one at about the same age... in front of MIL....thankfully her, & not my own Mum

"Mummy, Daddy doesn't really go to work you know" he really goes to see other Pretty Ladies "

poor sod was working his socks off at the time, & when I asked DD later why she lied about Daddy, she owned up to it been because she thought I would be cross & stop him going to work, as she missed him

No idea where she even got the idea for that one from

BloomingFlowers · 07/05/2010 11:41

DD has only ever said it in private (but I realised that she was mimicking me).

Thankfully she was only just talking.

Her version was "oy flick it's ship on a strip".

But I knew I had to moderate my language (in the car) when she called out "tosser" crystal clear.

marge2 · 07/05/2010 11:36

Years ago I was in Smiths with my 'every other weekend' stepkids. We were looking for presents for DH for Christmas so it was PACKED. SS who was about 4 or 5 at the time spotted a football annual with the players on the front lined up for a free kick all covering their balls, as they do.

He said EXTREMELY loudly.

Look M, Why is that man is holding his VAGINA??

I could only guess he had overheard his Mum telling his bigger sisters the proper anatomical name and thought it applied to lads too

But I nearly died.

chiefcook · 07/05/2010 11:36

His first word was car btw!!! (phew!)

chiefcook · 07/05/2010 11:34

We all thought DS1 was making cute little chicken sounds when he was about 26 months... until I was rushing to get to toddler group running around going.....

buggerbuggerbuggerbugger.... you get the picture!!

GoldenSnitch · 07/05/2010 08:13

DS has problems pronouncing F's, they come out more like a 'Sl' sound (he's only 3)

Imagine my mortification when, after being given a flag at a day out and being very excited about it, he runs round our (completely surrounded, suburban) garden yelling "Mummy flag, Mummy flag" over and over at the top of his voice!

red37 · 07/05/2010 06:29

another one my ds answered the phone, he was about 7 and shouted down the phone..."stupid bloody sales people"
I managed to retrieve the phone and it was the school nurse wanting to make a home visit btw ds has adhd

babymutha · 07/05/2010 00:58

oh yes and now I come to think of it.
DD (aged 1ish) to any single man on the bus -
"Daddy" - sure I'm not alone in that one...

and DNephew (20months) to HV during a home visit to make sure DD and DN should not be put on any registers uttered only 2 words.

"Fock" - he had just dropped a 'frog' followed by
"Pissin?" - whilst trying to find the little 'person' he had just been playing with.

I did attempt to explain...

babymutha · 07/05/2010 00:51

DD (aged 2) in public toilets v loud, sweet voice:

"Mummy you got blood?"

"Mummy, you got spiders on your lady bits..."

MrsRhettButler · 07/05/2010 00:46

oh yes, the car ones dd (3 at the time) and I were watching a lady try to park her car in a smallish space.. (we were waiting to go past, in summer so all windows open)

dd: 'OH. MY. GOD. mummy, you could put a jumbo jet in there couldn't you?' 'she's taking the piss!' 'HURRY UP WOULD YOU!'

another one..

dp was driving and someone tried to cut him up and then repeatedly acted stupid trying to overtake us, dp just zoomed off and they got stuck behind another car

me: 'haha suckers'

dd: yea motherfuckers!!'

we were like this