Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

Oh I have just remembered the best one;

DD aged 3, I was in a restaurant where you went striaght in to the toilets -

Me; which toilet should we go in to darling? One door has 'M' for...?

DD; Male?

Me; Yes darling well done. And 'F' for...?

DD (in the sweetest little voice); Fuck?

DS,aged about 1 and just starting to name animals, in a cafe with a bit of a rural theme, sees a picture of a chicken:
"Cock! CockcockcockCOCKCOCKCOCK! COCK! COCKCOCKCOCK!"
Best bit was that I had nipped to the loo, leaving him with my friend, and came back to find all the old dears in the place staring at them in amused horror.

...and if I dare correct him 'no DS, that;s a lady with short hair'

NO, MUMMY, IT'S A MAAAAAAAAN!!

When DS sees women in the street with short hair, he very kindly stops, pokes them and says..

'hello man!'

I've been reading this for so long all my family have deserted me and gone to bed and I haven't emptied the washing machine.
DD age 3 has managed a couple of great ones recently, we were walking along near our house and she pointed at this man and said loudly 'Is that my Daddy?' Luckily he laughed.
Only a week or so ago, we'd been out on the train and were walking out of the station and there was a large and not terribly attractive woman walking behind us, DD looked behind and saw her and said really loudly 'Mummy, there's a monster following us' I pretended I hadn't heard.
She also came up with a great non-verbal one in Tescos, I was looking at something and a young quite alternative looking couple of teenagers stood next to us, she pointed at them and the just looked at me with an expression of pure 'would you look at that' - the girl looked quite hurt and her boyfriend put a protective arm around her and I scuttled off with my child craning over my arm trying to stare at them.

my son (now 18) once loudly shouted out in dorothy perkins "muummy - your leaving without paying!"
i had a pair of sunglasses in my hand and was heading to the shoe section....he has aspergers in his defence and he thought i was heading for the exit. stickler for the rules my boy!

i was followed by the store detective for the rest of my peruse round DP!

'Look Mummy! I am a sturgeon!'

[wees a little bit]

OK, this isn't in public, but it's just too funny not to post...

So, DS was having a shower with my DH the other day... Said son has shown a recent avid interest in bottoms, what various parts are called, etc. The problem is, he gets the component bits (as it were...)slightly confused, with this result:

DS: 'Daddy, you have a penis.'
DH: 'Yes, I do indeed.'
DS: 'AND a bagina!' (he thinks pubic hair is a vagina...)
DS: 'Why does your penis have a mushroom?!' (DH is circumcised, DS isn't)
DH: 'Um, it's not a mushroom...'
DS: 'Yes, it is!!' (pulling on it) 'But why doesn't it come off, Daddy?!'
Needless to say, DH was completely gobsmacked, and somewhat at a loss for the correct response...

This is definitely one to relay to future girlfriends!!

ROFL at pirate, he probably hears that one all the time!

Just remembered another - DD aged 2 to the HV on home visit

"Me got poo on me's new jammies, got pooh all over me's bed, got poo all over me's wall!"

I & hurriedly explained her obsession with WINNIE THE POOH - and her new bedroom makeover, having just moved into her new room to make room for baby DD2!!

'Oh look Mummy, a pirate' [man with eye patch walks past].

Lady on bus: "Where's Daddy today?"
3 year old: "He's doing a poo. My poo was a Coke one last time"

3 YO DS looking at a baby in a pram shouts at me across school playground

' mummy can we go home and make a baby?'

"DADDY, YOU'RE A COCK"

Shouted very loudly in a crowded car park.

We had just been discussing the difference between Peacocks (male) and Peahens (female).

So, in her 5yr old logic, she turns to me and says "Mummy, you're a hen" and then, because daddy was walking ahead of us, found it necessary to shout the above.

We have never, never, been so red faced as we were that day!

As I approached the cut-price pinot grigio display at Majestic Wines: "Mummy - NOOOOO!" roared from buggy by DS1, 2.5 at the time.

Also DS1, aged 3ish in a changing cubicle "Mummy I can see your BOOBS" - sniggering from other cubicle...

And then this evening, as I am simultaneously picking up all the blueberries DS2 has spilt on the floor and wiping up the water he has also spilled, DS1 said "I think Daddy needs to come home, you are stressed."
Me: " I am not stressed"
DS1: "Yes you are."
DS2 (almost 3) "Yes you are Mummy."
Me: "No I am not!"
DS2 " Yes you are Mummy, you've got ALL your clothes on..."

My DD was about 2 at the time. We'd just been shopping at the supermarket, and had just got back to the car. Just before I started packing the shopping away, she said in a very loud voice 'Please don't put me in the boot mummy'.

Luckily the nearby woman thought it was funny!

It wasn't my child though they have said some funny things. It was beautiful little Irish girl on a train with her dad with lovely red curls. She was standing up talking to us we were on the chairs behind and it was before we had kids. She said my ma says I have a lovely head of hair. I said she's right you do. She said I don't get it from daddy look at him he's no hair on his head at all (she was right bald as a coot). The whole carriage could hear this conversation and poor daddy's head soon matched the colour of her hair.

My brother toddled in to my mum's tupperware party (attended by various members of the PTA) wearing a sanitary towel across his face. He loudly proclaimed 'Look Mummy! I am a sturgeon!'. Everyone just carried on examining the plastic, trying to ignore the small boy with a sanitary towel hooked around his ears.

DD sitting on her grandmother's bed watching her get dressed aged about 3. (As repeated to me by a partly horrified, partly amused MIL)

"Nanny, My Mummy has wobbly tits. Do you have wobbly tits Nanny? My Mummy wears a bra to stop her wobbly tits from wobbling? Do you wear a bra too? My Mummy's wobbly tits are much bigger than your wobbly tits..."

Have realised how many of these moments I have had with DD!

To my mum "daddy has a HUGE willy grandma"