Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

DS1 was 3 and sat in the seat of a supermarket trolley. We were in the queue and he started to talk to the lady next to us in a wheelchair. I've got one of those he tells her pointing at her wheelchair. "have you?" She says kindly, "what's wrong with your legs then?". I had to explain he meant a pushchair, and there was nothing wrong with his legs other than he was a runner and so had to be strapped into something for his own safety.

DS2 likes repeating phrases. I was slightly shocked when he said "fuck teddy gilbert" over and over. When I asked where he heard that naughty word he told me from Daddy. Cue me having a right go at DP who claimed he'd never said fuck in front of ds2. That night whilst reading DS2 a bed time story it turns out he was actually saying smack teddy Gilbert (from a The Little Princess).

I'm not sure whether I should explain to nursery.

my dd used to pronounce father christmas as..... fa kinkis

This was very sweet until the town xmas decs went up. She started to point at pictures of him and shout FA KINKIS very loud which of course sounds like Fuckin kids

angel

My DS is only 7mths so I've a while to wait, but one story to add...

When my brother was much younger (can't remember how old) we were out with Mum shopping in Boots. While Mum was paying at the till, he noticed the fake eyelashes for sale and asked very loudly "do they get those off dead people?" It made the shop assistant's day!

A few years ago we went to an Indian restaurant with some of DHs friends and DC. After we finished, friend's DS (aged about 7) ordered an ice cream in the shape of a duck called a Quacky. Just as the waiter was bringing it over he decides to shout in his loudest voice "mum ... is this called a quacky cuz it rhymes with p*ki?" . Friend swore she had never used that word before and still to this day does not know where he picked it up from!

love this thread! both of these were my middle child, age about 2.

I had bought his big sister some barbies, and found it hard to get man dolls, so in desperation I bought a talking regan and talking george bush doll since they were cheap and I figured they would make okay dad dolls. only my son became weirdly attached to the bush doll and insisted on bringing it everywhere we went... naked. he would hold it up proudly to strangers and press a button to make it talk. it was a great relief when he stopped talking!

second thing... he had a toy frog that he was very fond of. His grandda asked him what the froggie was called, and, ds thought about it for a minute, then said "kunnt, hiss name kunnt." for some reason this was all said with a very germanic pronounciation... grandda said weakly "do you mean kermit?" and we all looked at ds hopefully... "no, not kermit, kunnt!" he told us determinedly. and so it was... and kunnt the frog got hidden whenever anyone came over from then on.

I once took my 3 year old to the opticians to get her glasses adjusted, the lady doing it had the worst fake ten ever.

The lady just nipped behind where we were waiting to use a machine, and my daughter shouted " wheres that orange lady gone? "

lots of shoulder shaking, I couldnt look her in the eye when she reappeared witht he glasses.

when dd1 was about 4 we were walking down the road towards a lady coming in the oposite direction, the lady was of a large frame and had long blonde hair and very heavy makeup, just as we got up to the lady my dd shouted out really loudly 'mummy is that a man' i just kept walking but a little faster

OMG, I'd totally forgotten this thread... let's resurrect it, so I dont feel like the last hour has been wasted rereading

My 8 yr old watched 40 yr old me get out of the shower and then chirpily said "Mummy, do you know, you've got a bottom like grandmas" Still traumatised, nearly 5 years later.

In the changing rooms with DD at the swimming pool:
"Mummy, how come you have tonnes of hair on your cootchie and I don't?" Cheeky bugger. I'd done my bikini line the day before and did NOT have tonnes of hair done there!

In Asda Waitrose where DP was trying to get DD back into the trolley after I'd taken her to the loo. "Get off me Dave!" (not DP's real name) bellows our DD. DP: "Don't call me Dave. It's Daddy to you" Cue massive screech of "YOU ARE NOT NOT NOT MY DADDY! GET YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFF ME!"

Oh god the shame! There's actually loads more but those are most recent. DD shames me ALOT.

Bump
Too funny not to be shared again

On a packed train my DS age 3 shouted there are 3 really bad things you should NEVER say mummy. Everyone turned and listened so i muttered then don't say them - he ignored me and shouted they are "stupid", "shut up" (I breathed a sigh of relief) and " f* off!" had to sit there for another 20 agonising minutes.

DS1 has a fascination with every car there is. Health Visitor came earlier this week for 2yr & 3yr checks on kids.

Jacks starring out the window at her car and proceeds to shout to her 'Let me look at your fadge?!'

Fadge aka BADGE! he wanted to know what make her car was.

Oh god it was plain as day and HV just laughed.

When my ds was 2 he couldn't say the 'l' in clock. We were visiting a school at the time and of course in every room there was a clock. He proudly pointed at every one and said really loudly 'cock'! I kept saying 'tick tock' but he kept saying the same word! Afterwards the teacher said that his speech was really good, I nearly wet myself!

Another classic is that when I'm driving and have near misses I say 'Jesus'. When we were at my sil's church wedding, my ds asked his uncle who the man on the cross was. Of course he replied that it was Jesus. My ds turned to dh and said in hushed and shocked tones 'Uncle James just said Jesus!' Again I had to stop myself from laughing as did most of the people in the pews around us.

Kids eh? Got to love them!

These are hilarious! Your children are all so funny!

My little brother (then aged around 4) at Pony Club - "Mummy, my trousers feel tight. Very tight. Getting tighter. Mummy, my willy is all hard and big and standing up! WOW MUMMY! LOOK AT MY HARD LONG WILLY!" Then, as my poor mother tried to get him back into his jodphurs, "Mummy, it won't FIT." Followed by racing up to Sugar (his shetland pony, who was rather well endowed) for a size comparison.

Then there was the time we were at a funeral, sitting behind a very posh old lady in a fur hat. Little brother asks, very very loudly, "Why does that lady have a cat on her head?"

Even at the advanced age of 10, DS1 still comes out with some crackers.

One day we were out and he told his brother: "When Mum and Dad die I'll inherit everything because I'm the oldest". Had to break it to him gently that he was not the bally Duke of Richmond and would be sharing whatever pauper's pittance was left.

Another time he became aware of some news item that totted up the cost of raising a child (howevermany thousands it was) and asked me rather worriedly: "Is that a loan or a gift?"

My eldest DS1 who is 3 1/2 comes out with some corkers.

He is old before his time bless him.

Went to Tescos loos the other week, as soon as he sees Tescos its 'need a wee wee' so we go to the loos and i think i may aswell go as was going to be in town for some time. Anyway he had his wee, then was waiting for me and shouted loudly
DS1 - You have poo?
me - no just a wee
Ds1 - no you poo

i was mortified.

Another time when i was part time at work, i went to pick DS1 up from preschool in car, we got home to DH & DS2(2) and DS1 runs into house saying Mummy pushed me out of car I did no such thing

In January the kids stayed with my dad for the weekend and he told my dad that 'daddy had fallen down the stairs with him and cut his head'

Also he is currently in scotland with MIL for 2 weeks and as she has a small holding of animals including hens, ducks, sheep etc etc he goes into the pen every morning with his overalls and wellies on and says:
Hello Ladies - while he collects the eggs and then when he leaves he says
Thank you ladies.

My sister used to work at a nursery and a little girl there was always overdressed - big flouncy dresses, blond ringlets, - She skipped up to my sister one day with her hands behind her back - there's my sister thinking 'aww, what an angelic looking child, isn't she cute' - she then announced with abig smile 'I've just pissed myself'.

We went out for a meal a few weeks ago and the waitress had terrible adult acne. DS asked really loudly: Does that lady have chicken pocks?

On the beach he asked a man (who was rather large)if he had eaten all the pies as he had large boobies. And he didnt like it....

Foureleven - so did you congratulate her on getting her sounds right ??

Pmsl and choked on my cuppa @ upside down willy!!

'Daddy you're a cock' is soooooo good.

Tonight out for a meal ... coming back from the loo with DD (2:9) and walking through the tables " I did poo in a Chinese restaurant" (lovely dear)

Am pmsl at some of these!
Always told DD I would explain anything she asked me, thought we had got past the worst relatively unscathed.
Aged 10, big queue in Sainsburys "Mum, what's an orgasm?" That's what you get for leaving mags with problem pages in lying around.
Slightly off topic- DSS(5) to DH as he dried himself after a bath "Dad, your balls look like a dogs!"

My friend's DS, aged 3: "Mummy, when you die, I can go and live with Nana and have sweets."
My (widowed) pal is in rude health but is now almost suspecting her MIL of some dreadful plot...

DS is 22 months and has a habit of shouting cock cock (chocolate) when we are out and he wants a snack. Am fed up with explaining this one

Also a couple of weeks ago he asked for 'more 'genies now' Genie being 9 week old (at the time) DD. I posted this on FB to be told by my (5 years younger) sister that ' i had better not get pg again as I was stealing all the glory' (wtf - it took DH and I 5 years to conceive DS, and I am the eldest of 4, she on the other hand is on her second marriage, back living with my mum and dad as she cannot afford her mortgage and gets more for renting it out, and is 2 years into her nursing training, while her husband doesn't work) Sorry little rant there, which i needed to get off my chest.

Am loving the fuck off ones, I have been telling DH he needs to tone down his language because I do not want to have to deal with the in public or with the CM.