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Original poster

Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

333 replies

bethylou · 05/05/2010 22:25

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

OP posts:
ComeAgain · 05/05/2010 23:23

I've nothing to add as my DS is only 12 weeks but this is the longest and loudest I have laughed in a very long time.

Original poster
bethylou · 05/05/2010 23:17

I've just remembered that my own brother embarrassed my mum at a chiropodist by farting and then saying, "Mummy!", as if it were her who had done it!

I feel reassured by the way and think post offices are clearly places to avoid with toddlers in tow!

OP posts:
gingerkirsty · 05/05/2010 23:16

Keep them coming! DD hasn't said a lot yet being only 11 wks and all, but I can't wait!!!

SoMuchToBits · 05/05/2010 23:16

I also had a communal changing room at swimming pool experience when ds was about 3 - he suddenly looked at me and said in a loud voice "Mummy hasn't got a willy!"

True, but embarrasing nevertheless....

wubblybubbly · 05/05/2010 23:12

Ohh these are fabulous

HappyMrsChicken · 05/05/2010 23:12

We were walking in a forest and stopped briefly to talk to a family coming from the opposite direction and my 2.5 year old DD announces "My mummy just did a wee on the ground". It was true, there were no loos I had to go.

My DD was in reception year and the teacher told me that during the register she piped up with "I won't be fiddling today as mummy has put canesten on my bits". Teacher thought it was hilarious

Pancakeflipper · 05/05/2010 23:08

My boy was 3 and on a very full busy bus he was overcome staring at very large handsomeblack muscular man with amazing dreadlocks stood in the aisle next to us..

"mummy what has that man done to his hair... Are those long plaits like Jessica has? Will my hair do that when I turn black?"

Thank you dreadlock man for being wonderful, for laughing your head off and ruffling my son's hair because I didn't know what to say and the rest of the bus stared at their feet cos' their shoes were suddenly interesting.

fearnelinen · 05/05/2010 23:02

DD has verbal dyspraxia so I forget I have a parrot that very occasionally repeats what I say with amazing clarity. I SO wish that the last time she bumped her head I DIDN'T say "Oh please don't make me send you to school with another black eye"
It sounds so great, every time she bumps herself she wails "Pleeeease mummy don't send me to school with another black eye!" Most of what she says is uniteligible, but why oh why is this clea as day?!

jenduff · 05/05/2010 22:57

DS learning to read went through a phase of sounding out any and every word he could see - standing in queue at Boots and he spots something in the basket of chap in front that catches his eye "d..u..r..e..x, d..u..r.. Mummy what does that say is it drex? What's drex? Is it sweets in that box? Can I have some please?" red faced bloke in front and stifled sniggers from people behind

Oh and then questioning me as to why I needed to buy Anusol loudly....

itsybitsy08 · 05/05/2010 22:55

when i was little about 3ish i think, my (young) aunty taught me to say slap head.
On the bus one day with my mam, a bald man sat down in front of us. I promply shouted at the top of my lungs "slaphead" and tapped him on the head!
Needless to say mam was mortified!

fabhead · 05/05/2010 22:53

I've posted this before on these threads, ds1, about 2, trip to BirdWorld, Granny bought him 2 stuffed birds, painstakingly advised him at length that they were a blackbird and a cockatoo.

Next day, shopping in Croydon, new favourite toys along for the day, mistakenly left the Cockatoo in the car. Queue frantic dash down main shopping parade back to carpark with ds1 shouting and screaming at top of his lungs, "BlackBird Want Cock!, BlackBird Want Cock!"

Lovecat · 05/05/2010 22:52

DD mortified me at the weekend - we were in MaccyD's and a family of Chinese appearance walked in. She stands on her chair and points at them.

DD (incredibly loudly): Mummy, those people are not from our country!

Me: DD, don't point, it's rude.

DD (with volume increase): But Mummy, they are NOT from England, they are not from here!

Me: (trying not to combust with embarrassment) Ssh, it's rude to point, of course they're from here!

DD: No, Mummy, they're not from here, look at them, they're not English, they look different! Look at how their eyes are different!

Me:

I eventually got her to lower her voice and it transpired that she has been doing a project in school about where your family originally comes from, and as one of her classmates is of Chinese origin, she was simply trying to show off her new-found knowledge of where this other family (who either didn't notice or thankfully decided to ignore the mini-Nick Griffin ranting at them) originated from...

God I wanted the floor to open and swallow me up!

She has also loudly argued the toss with me on a train that the lady cleaner in our carriage was actually a man (said lady had v. short Irish Mammy haircut and was v. tall and thin), much to my mortification...

fabhead · 05/05/2010 22:48

LOL at the stupid Wangers. My 2y old has started saying "Fugs sakes!" in the car

Casmama · 05/05/2010 22:46

Not my dc but my sister (aged 5 at the time) said to her teacher "my mummy doesn't like your haircut"

lauraly · 05/05/2010 22:44

then there was the other day when he began to point out 'PLUMP' people after being told its not nice to call people fat!

lauraly · 05/05/2010 22:42

OP you are lucky..
MY DS recently told his grandparents, after being asked how the drive down was
"Fine but there was a stupid Wanger at the roundabout!!!!"

shock horror as I never swear (apart from when somebody is about to smash into my car!!!)
so now Wanger is a favourite word of ours!

gladitsover · 05/05/2010 22:42

I picked up my son in a shop when he was about 2 as he was refusing to leave. As we walked past a woman he held out his arms to her and shouted "Help me lady!"

SwissMonsterRavingCheesyParty · 05/05/2010 22:42

Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, please, please, don't hurt me

FlyingFig · 05/05/2010 22:42

In a crowd, having just used a (public) toilet, DD (then 9) asked in a loud voice:

"It says in that toilet back there that Kirsty Blaine is a cunt - what's a cunt? And who is she?"

Ground.Swallow.Me.Up...Please...

hazeyjane · 05/05/2010 22:41

Oh yes, Donnie, 'mummys got a furry foofoo' can often be heard being chanted by my dds when we are in public toilets, usually with long queue outside.

Gay40 · 05/05/2010 22:40

This is one of the funniest threads ever!
Keep it coming x

donnie · 05/05/2010 22:38

OMG you think that's bad, OP?

how's this:

"MUMMY WHY HAVE YOU GOT A FAT HAIRY MINNIE"? ....minnie being our word for girls' bits.

In waitrose. Maybe if we'd been slumming it with the proles in Asda it wouldn't have been so bad?

hazeyjane · 05/05/2010 22:37

"Mummy dropped dd2 in the river" - dd1 to her preschool teacher, on her first day.

"NOT THE STRAP MUMMY, NOOOOO" - dd2 as I try to strap her into her pushchair in Waitrose (she had just tried to leg it out of the door into the road)

"Mummy you did a big smelly poo" - dd2 on leaving the toilet in lovely cafe, full of people, that we will sadly never return to.

fabhead · 05/05/2010 22:36

Also in a PO queue my 3 year old said to a 30 something man in front of us who was mostly bald and greying where left, "Hello Granddad"

KurrisSeatisNotMarginal · 05/05/2010 22:35

In a post office queue 'Mummy, Mummy, that lady's got a moustache just like Daddy's'