Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

DD (then 2.6) was very interested in her sister's birth which we explained factually...

When DD2 was born we were at a bus stop and an old lady (80s probably) peeked into the sling and cooed over the baby. She then asked DD1 if she liked having a sister. DD1 replied 'yes. She came out of my Mama's vulva in our living room and she was all gooooooooooey"

ds used to shout 'help' loudly and repeatedly as I pushed him around town.

"My mummy never wears knickers"..... to my obstetrician

DD1. In Gatwick. Waiting on flight to North Africa.
Group of Muslim ladies with headscarves.

Mummy! Look at those silly girls, they are playing hide and seek but they are doing it wrong. One of you has to COUNT.
They're silly, aren't they mummy?

On the flight.
Mummy, that man in front did a fartpants.

But he DID and it SMELLS. Bleurgh! yuck!

4 hour flight. This is why we don't go on holiday.

Oh and she called her sister a 'cheeky wee bitch' the other day in Tesco, god know where that came from.

My dd1 sat on the loo in the Mens toilets at age about 20 months (out with dh on her own) and sang a song of her own making, which said something like

"I wiiiiiish I haaaaad a wiiiiiiilllllly"

Dh said he had to wait until he was sure there was noone there until he opened the cubicle door!

DD once said to a complete stranger (male) "I can smell your willy"

mortified is NOT the word

DS(8) to a mother in the school yard as reported by my friend: "No, your son can't come to our house again because my mummy wouldn't like it. Last time he came she told me to never ask for him to play again. He's rude and has no table manners but that's not really his fault because he must have learnt it from you".

haha these are brilliant!

Especially loved gladitsover's 'Help me lady!

I was looking after my friends little boy, (3.5 at the time), we were at the park and he went up to a woman who was very overweight and very innocently, genuinely curious, asked her if she had got so fat because she ate too many pies.... I was , , ...... I mean, why didn't the silly sod just ask me - I've hardly got washboard abs!

Haha at child flasher, SGB!

DD, 18 months had a tendency to say "fuck you" to pretty much everyone she met. I did try and explain that she was actually saying "thankyou" but I think most people just presumed she was a foul mouthed child....
Oh and around that time she called penguins at the local aquarium "wankers"

Maybe she is just foul mouthed.....

DS, last year, around the stage when he was very interested in his willy, dropping his trousers at the tram stop, grabbing said appendage and yelling 'Look! WILLEEEEEE!'
Also, around the same time, I instituted a rule that playing with one's own willy is OK if done at home but not in public. I explained to his dad that I had done this, went out, came home to find very embarrased DS dad whos mate had popped round and been treated to a bit of a display - upon which I amended the rule to 'You can play with your willy at home but NOT when we have visitors.'

When i was about six or seven, I had a fight with my brother at a family dinner and called him a 'cunt'! I had heard it from a bigger boy and had no idea what it meant, I made my grandads day!
My DD at about 2.5, called her brother a 'fucking little bastard'! Ds and I have never used this kind of language, and I have no idea where it came from!
When DS was little, my wicked gran taught him to tell people that 'mummy hit him with a big stick'! and when asked where I was, that 'mummy ran away with a black man!' I spent a lot of time being mortified!

Not mine, thankfully, but I was in a big MFI-type place with a friend and her two kids, helping her choose a kitchen. She took her DS, who must have been about 3, into the ladies' with her and I took her older DD across to the other side of the shop to look at some girly bedroom displays. A couple of minutes later the toilet doors opened and her DS absolutely bellowed across the shop at me in a voice that would have put Brian Blessed to shame, 'Mummy just did a great big poo in there and it STANK!!!'

She bought her kitchen somewhere else.

dd 4 and dss 5 in a hairdressers waiting for my cousins hair to be done when a large lady walks in.. cue dd 'eheh she's fat innit!' 'dss, isn't she fat?'

i was mortified and i pinched her (very slightly btw) and she couldn't figure out what my problem was

also, yesterday when she didn't want to leave tescos and i was holding her by the arm, she says 'OUCH mummy you are really hurting me! MUMMY why are you TRYING to hurt me? YOU'RE TWISTING MY ARM ON PURPOSE AREN'T YOU!' (i was not twisting her arm)

we walked past two old ladies who looked like this

PMSL Chandra!

I'm dithering between two ocassions:

When DS was 3 he had a lot of problems putting his pants the right way around, so every morning we had the endless argument to get them to wear them the right way.

Then one day was in an overcrowded fitting room when DS says:

DS: Mum you have your pants the other way around!
Me: No, I don't
DS: Yes you dooo
Me: No I don't, can we talk of other thing?
DS: You dooooo!
It went on for what felt like a life time...

The other occasion was when he was 5 and one day, again fully surrounded by people in a Christmas ornament store, DS comes, gives me a hug and says: "Mum, I don't care if you slept with 100s of men, I love you!"
Obviously, I was on the phone immediatly asking my ex if he had been using "Mamma Mia" as a babysitting device...

Public toilet (ds2 aged 4, yesterday)

"You drink your drink and your tummy turns it into Lellowness(sic) and your winky wees out the Lellow wee."

Echoey swimming baths changing room

"You haven't got a winky. You've just got fur."

I can think of loads!

I'm pregnant and my nipples are quite dark now - we were in the swimming pool changing room
DD2(6) 'Mammy, why are your boobies black now?'
Me - Sshhh, it's for when I feed the baby
DD2 - does it come out of your tuppence?
DD1 (11) - it's actually called a vagina
DD2 - A VAGINA??
me - Sshhhhhhhhh
DD2- Fagina Fagina Fagina hahahahahaha

I waited a little while before emerging from the cubicle...

DD2 informed me loudly in the middle of a shop the other day that she never wanted me to die... I said aww that's lovely darling. She said 'I never want anyone to die' (cue aww isn't she cute looks from fellow shoppers)
'Apart from FAT people because they eat too much'

My Mum tells me that we had been learning about people getting out and dying one day and the following day I piped up very loudly on a bus ful of older people 'All these people are going to die soon aren;t they?'

In a busy cafe when a very obese man walked past us,DS(4) laughed and shouted out ' Mummy look at that man,he's HUGE, how did he get in here?' SHHH
Followed by,'Look he's going to the toilet, how is he going to fit on the seats?'
He did have a point,but he is very loud and clear.

DS1 aged about 3 in middle of local post office "Mummy look at the big fat man. Why does he have so many chins?"

DS2 aged about 2 in checkout queue at our local Asda "pooh smelly man" complete with pointing to the rather "fragrant" older gentleman standing in front of us in the queue.

Please please please can somone remember a thread from ages and ages ago where a mumsnetter took her ds swimming (i think in some scandinavian country) and the DS parted the bottom cheeks of a naked lady changing in front of her locker because he wanted to see what was inside.

It had me roaring, and I still get the giggles when I think of it now.

Have tried to search but no joy.

Please someone find it!

DD aged about 2, at dinner table when on holiday in a big group of families, She was 'chatting' in nonsense words to a friendly teenager whom we knew slightly, he says "Oh you are such a funky monkey!" to her. She thinks carefully then says clear as a bell "You are a monkey cunt!" (A word we have NEVER used and she has never heard!!). PMSL as did DH and luckily all other families who were there. Poor teenager was mortified though!