Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

Took ds,3, swimming last Summer & we were getting changed in the cubicle.

Ds "Mummy,you dont have many hairs on your fanny do you"?

Me "shh, get changed"

Ds "Daddy has,& he has lots of big curly hairs on his bum too"

Me " shh, put your trunks on"

Then getting into the pool an elderly gent walked past wearing speedos,

Ds "Mummy you can see that mans balls,eurgh & his widge"

I swear i practically dive bombed into the pool

I am laughing out loud to these though,love the My Mummy doesnt wear any knickers

Just think how much mortification you are all going to be able to cause when you retell these stories to your dcs girlfriends/boyfriends - or even better, in the speeches at their weddings.

Revenge is a dish best served cold...

I've told this story before, but we were at York station, when ds1 was about 3 or 4, and a man smoking a pipe sat down next to us. The conversation went as follows:

Ds1 - What is that in your mouth, man?

Man - It's a pipe.

Ds1 - What are you doing with it, man?

Man - I am smoking it.

Ds1 - Hmm - you are going to die.

That's when we ruled out a career in the diplomatic service for the lad.

my son runs around all day shouting 'KNOBHEAD' all day much to everyones disgust, what no one realises though is that he has a speech delay and is trying to say stop it!! oh cant take them anywhere can we lol

DS (3) pointed at me and sternly declared, in the loudest voice possible, "YOU'RE not my mother!"

Sainsburys.

When about 2ish still had trouble pronouncing 'L'. Liked clocks though. Shopping Centre, "Mummy! Look at that big cock! I can see a big cock!"

Oh and have had the "why is there a bit of string hanging from your bum mummy" shouted out whilst in public loos before. Again by DS2

Last week, walking behind two women, DS (4) said, loudly

"I really like that lady's dress and she has pretty shoes, too."

Said lady turned round and beamed at complimentary, cute, curly-haired small child.

At which point, he pointed at her friend and said:

"But I don't like yours so much as you have a big, fat bottom."

Just lovely.

We were at one of those wooden parks and DS1 (6) got a splinter in his hand. I was trying to remove it and he was screaming "I want to live, I want to live" rather hysterically

DS2 (4) always asks me rather loudly in public toilets if I'm having a wee or a poo (always a wee btw), and when I'm finished says "good boy mammy" .

Ds2 - again - has done the strange comments to muslims, once in Dundee, first time ever he'd seen a woman in a burkha (think it's a burkha covered all but her face), so he stood and stared for ages, then said
"mummy, see that lady over there, the one dressed like a witch, well I think she must be very very fat and she's dressed like that to hide her fat belly". Thankfully the woman just laughed, but I was mortified

Standing in line behind two muslim guys in a shop DS (2.5) says quite clearly
"Why are those mans dressed like pirates Mum?"
"Ssh darl,"
"But why Mum, why, Why are they dressed like pirates why?"

Lucky for them (kids) they're so cute huh?

DP took DD1 (3) swimming and got mortified in the changing rooms, when everyone could hear her exclaiming loudly "daddy, you have a wobbly bottom"

dd1 sitting in the car when another car hits my wingmirror. Man who hit it comes up to my car and dd1 asks him "man, are you the baby Jesus?"

I just couldn't think why she had asked him this until the next time I was in a car incident and shouted "oh jesus"

dd1 still talks about the day baby jesus hit our car....

Then there was the time we were in the line waiting to go into nursery and DS2 (again, I don't know why I am not grey haired with the stress of looking after him ) pipes up
"See Mrs X (nursery teacher), well her husband is a murderer"
All the parents looked up, and he continued
"he is he murdered our dog , he chopped it up into little bits and stuck it in a big hole he'd dug on the golf course, you know the big golf course in st Andrews"

Of course none of it was true, Mrs X's DH was a vet who'd had the sad job of putting our much loved dog to sleep 4 weeks prevously

When giving a rather prim ex-head teacher friend of my mum's a lift in my car, my then 4 year old dd1 spied a police car and yelled "Look out mum, here come the pigs!"

I still don't know where she picked that up...

These are so funny!

We were waiting at the airport once with DD1 who was about 3. As the flight was delayed, we were taking her round Duty Free in an attempt to stem the boredom.

In one shop, she ran up to the counter and, before I could stop her, shouted:

'Excuse me shop lady, can I buy your vagina? Mummy left hers at home.'

We couldn't get on the plane fast enough.

We were out having lunch and I said to DD (3) 'do you think Daddy will be out in the garden putting the plants in?'

'No silly!' she replied loudly 'he'll be sitting on his arse on his computer again'.

(She was right btw).

scary???

cocolepew - im in hysterics

waiting for nursery door to open with all the other parents

DS who was 3 at time said at the top of voice
"will somebody please open the fucking door"

I was mortified

DS was about three when i was suddenly cut up by a car on a roundabout. Cue a little voice from the backseat...

'Mammy, was that man a fucking numpty?'

But that was nothing to the fact that he announced to the entire school playground that...

'My mammy has a vagina. My mammy's vagina is big and very scary...'

There was the fat man incident.

DS#2 was about 2.5 sitting on my shoulders at an ATM. At the next machine there was an ENORMOUS man. DS'2 stared at him for a bit and then said in a normal 2yr old loud voice:

"Mummy look at that fat man! Why is he soooo fat?"

Bloke was about 3 ft away from us. Mummy went a bit red and ignored DS.

"Mummy, I said look at that fat man!"

Mummy muttered furiously 'shhh DS!'.

"But he's really fat mummy! Mummy why aren't you talking to me?"

DD and DS#1 had scuttled off to hide.

Me: "DS, please be quiet"

"Why mummy. But he is fat!"

Finished at ATM and hurried off after the other DC throwing apologetic and blushing look at man (who looked resigned to it poor bugger ). DS still throwing out comments about how fat the man was and why wasn't I talking to him....

Hideous.

lol at these
My dd when she was 2 saw an old lady hobbling along and shouted to me "she'll be dead soon, won't she"

love this thread. DD 4 is constantly saying things like this.
i have got used to the embarassment and just remember that when i am old, i will get her to take me out and i shall behave like a mental loon and embarass her to the same degree...

;)

I was in the toilets in St Andrews once with DS2 who was aobut 3/4 at the time. he was in teh cubicle with me (as you do) and he said "MUM

DD2 was walking down the aisle at Tesco behind a larger lady, top ofvoice " WOW! Wide load ahead! back up" and reversed up the aisle beeping like a lorry.

Last year at JFK airport a grop of women in burkas (?) were walking towards DD2 who screamed "It's the bad ninjas!" (From the Sarah Jane Adventures)

At nursery they were going round in a circle and saying what made them happy and sad. Ds (3) said mummy giving him cuddles made him happy and daddy hitting him made him sad!! he has never even been so much as smacked ever.

It is my commupance though for embarrassing my reluctantly babysitter of a teenage brother when I was 5 and screaming 'I dont know this man, I need my mummmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' when he tried to get me to leave a shop in front of all hsi friends and girlfriend!

Oh god this thread is hilarious.

Lovecat - that is seriously one of the funniest things ever. Obviously not at the time, but really really funny