Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

In supermarket DS (6) see's man with one leg, on crutches.

Exclaims loudly, "look mummy, that man has only ONE LEG!"

(at time his Grandma helped at a disabled sports club and we were often involved too and DS knew lots of people with various disabilities)

me, quietly "yes but you know lots of people that are different, like Dave in the wheelchair...?"

DS, gleefully "yes mummy I know people with NO legs. But this man has ONE LEG!!"

ROFL at "I want to live" and "Fuck off, grandad"

DS1 was about 4 (he's 15 on Monday) and we were in Church one Sunday morning. He was sitting at the front with the Sunday School nursery class and DH and I were about half way up the aisle while my PIL were sitting up the back.

The Minister was standing in front of the Sunday school giving his childrens talk when DS gets off his seat, stands in front of the minister and shouts;

"MUMMYYYYY!! I NEEEEEEEEEED A POOOOOOOOOOO!!

The congregation roared with laughter while my MIL ran up the aisle to take DS out to the toilet. The minister was helpless for quite a while and his wife sat with her shoulders shaking for the rest of the service.

DS has never been allowed to forget this one .

I have two which have caused me the same amount of shame and embarassment.

DS1 was about 5 and we were in a quite busy pool changing room. I was busy getting myself and DS dried when he said 'Mummy, do you want to see a Mushroom?', quite distracted I said yes, so he then proceeded to pull his foreskin back and shout 'Mushroom' at the top of his voice while wiggling around doing some hoochy dance!

Again, DS1 on a packed bus. He was a bit older then, about 6.

'Mum I know what sex is'
'Lets not talk about it now' (as quietly as I can)
(Louder) ' But I do know what sex is, its where a man and a lady are naked and they kiss and cuddle in bed.(He then mimed french kissing) but I know that you and dad dont have sex because you always wear Pyjama's.'
The whole bus was looking, and I was bright red.

Why must they come up with these things when we are in public?

I have sat here laughing so hard I'm crying and all I can hear from DD (3) is "mummyyyyy what's so funnyyyyyyy?"

DS in coffee shop spills a bit of his juice
"oh bugger mummy, I've spilt some"

Another one that Saltire has reminded me of...

In the hospital, waiting for a blood test. DD about 18 months.

Sitting across from us is a woman in a full burka, everything covered but the eyes.

DD is burbling away around my knees, when I suddenly tune in to what she's saying. She's tapping my leg, pointing at the woman and saying

"Weirdo, mummy! Weirdo!"

I go "Sssshhh!!"

She pulls at me in frustration and says in a piercing voice "Mummeee, WEIRDO!!!"

I think we can safely rule out a career in International Diplomacy....

(In my defence I totally blame DH for calling DD a 'little weirdo' as a term of affection...)

I am crying with laughing reading these!
When DS was about 5 we went to the cinema, I told DS he could have either pick n' mix or popcorn but he couldn't have both. DS started screaming "I WANT COCK PORN! I WANT COCK PORN!". Another time, I think he was about 7 or 8, the TV was on in the background, some discussion program about relgion, and I told DS I wasn't a Christian... DS went into school the next day and told the teacher "my mummy's a Muslim terrorist".
There was also the time DD (aged about 2) was busy with the building blocks, kindly old grandpa bent down and asked if he could play too, DD said "fuck off, Grandad"

DS (5) to builder: 'My Mummmy is wearing a black bra today. She's got big boobies'

Other time:

DS (3ish): that man looks like a monkey (he was black).
Me: Sussh its really rude to say things like that
DS: But you call me a monkey (as in the 'cheeky variety'). And I don't even look like one. He does cos he's brown
Me: Shussh,l stop saying it its rude
DS: Monkey Man! Monkey Man!

I was beyond mortified!

Oh, and I thought she had it from playgroup and told her we don't use that word. To which she replied quite reasonably ; Daddy says f**k!
Er, right.
love this thread - keep laughing out loud. Can't wait for more to come from my two - both a bit small right now.

DD1 (2.6) in the shop when she knocked her basket (those on wheels) into a shelf, very loud 'Oh f**k!'
got some strange looks from a few older ladies nearby and was mortified! Had to have a stern word with dh about swearing in front of her.

DS aged 7 asking a sixth former if he had a girlfriend to which the poor boy blushed and said no. DS then pipes up, go on you can tell me... I bet you have a boyfriend instead. Poor lad didn't know where to put himself!

Even better, in school age 4, when the teacher asks how do you tell someone to go away if they shouldn't be talking to you, DS you tell them to sod off! Teacher tells me she had to leave the room she was laughing so much.

DS aged 3 - what on earth has that funny coloured man done to his skin?

DS aged 2 favourite reply - oh fuck!

Much embarrasment here

DS, to the lady behind him, walking through reception doors at nursery.

" MIND YOUR FINGERS...you cheeky bugger!"

These are fantastic, haven't laughed so much in ages!
Even the DTs are joining in as they've never heard mummy laugh so loudly!

bluemamma and linda - i was crying laughing reading yours!

DS1 was 2. DS2 was a baby. we were also renovating our house (tries hard to re-create the stress we were under )

Nursery teacher - 'how was your weekend?'

DS1 - 'we went to the orange hardware store (that's B and Q), and mummy said daddy was a fucking arse'

Nursdery teacher - 'ooh, that's nice!'

These are CLASSIC. I don't think I've laughed out loud so much in ages.

DD is 6, so we have plenty of opportunity for this sort of thing.

The worst time was when we were in the supermarket when she was about 4.5, and we were buying a 4-pack of beer for DH. DD pipes up in her loudest voice 'Daddy like beer doesn't he Mummy', to which I agreed. The she says 'but sometimes it makes him a bit sick doesn't it'. I was very embarrassed, and an old bloke walking past and who had obv. heard the whole exchange just smiled and said 'out of the mouth of babes eh?'

The worst thing is that Daddy was sick once on beer, but he'd come home from a stag do a bit worse for wear, been sick and woken her up with the noise (he can't be sick quietly!), so he's not the complete piss-head this makes him out to be at all.

Ohh bless, 5inthebed - that made me laugh!

DS1 (6) was saying yesterday that he can spell any word, so DH asked him to spell Mississippi.

"Easy" he said "M R S Z I P P Y"

Was in the supermarket the other week talking to one of DH's colleagues.

DS (4): "Mummy you have really big boobies"

lindalinda - LOL! Can particularly relate to the smoking one