I am not having any tea now after The Most Recent Incident <--that one is for sick btw... Background- dd2 is severely autistic with learning disabilities, and, er, bowel issues. Aged nine. Was on mumsnet and watching Eggheads (I could take Kevin, if anyone's interested), and could hear dd2 giggling and playing in the hall and landing. Confident that other doors were locked, I left her to it, thinking I'd give her fifteen minutes or so before I bathed her. Eggheads finished, I opened the livingroom door to the most overwhelming stench of SHIT coming from upstairs, and saw dd2 lying at the top of the stairs chewing what looked like a binbag. I try to pull it out of her mouth, hoping she hasn't swallowed too much, then I look past her and see two enormous (think cowpat) lumps of soft poo on the carpet, a big plastic postal bag which looks like it's been used to wipe the poo up, and a brown leather pouffe I didn't recognise . Which, on closer inspection, is plastered in shit too. Then I remember that this morning I accepted a large parcel from John Lewis for a neighbour, which I'd left by the front door [heartsink] I have cleaned it up, but it's probably watermarked or something- I literally had to sluice the stuff off under the shower attachment, and nailbrush faeces out of the tiny grooved swirl pattern embossed into the leather. Nobody is in next door yet to explain. I have had to throw the packaging out. On the plus side, dd2 is clearly no longer constipated So, if it is water-marked etc, do I have to pay for it? I didn't sign for it, but parcel man noted where he'd left it, and I don't want to get him in trouble.