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Original poster

drug dependant baby, advice needed

734 replies

EarthMotherImNot · 03/03/2010 15:20

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

OP posts:
Minnerva · 02/06/2010 18:09

Emin I know just what you mean......

At our lo's looked after child review baby's sw said ah-it's so sweet to see mum caring so well for the baby.................
this because she sat with her on her lap and fed her and burped her throughout the meeting.

I too thought 'are you for real?'-crack cocaine and heroin in her little body-it's taken her weeks to flush it through her system-only now is she starting to respond more normally.

Not a single one of us at that meeting said what we truly thought- not mum-sw-me-health visitor-we all had to be terribly PC and make the correct noises.This woman has already lost control of 2 children,both of which have suffered 'non accidental injuries'and we tell her how well she is doing because she can bottle feed a baby.....Sheesh!!

The good news is lo weighs 6lb 7oz-an increase of 8oz in 7 days-at long last some weight is starting to go on her bones.

I think I would feel terribly alone if I couldn't come on here and have a little moan and/or pick EMIN's brains for advice.The support system is brill here and I thank God for it every day.

sailorsgal · 02/06/2010 17:27

Maybe she just thought the whole situation is sad.

Thankfully there are people like yourself who are able to care for these babies.

I hope to god she doesn't get lo back until she is well rid of the drugs.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 02/06/2010 16:29

Lo weighing in at 10lb 3ozs

She is doing well apart from a reluctance to sleep after her late feed

This week her sw took one of the contact sessions which had been extended to 4 hours for parenting assessment purposes.

Lo's mum met sw and baby at a local shopping centre and she brought her own pram to push lo around in.

When sw returned with lo she remarked that seeing mum walk away after contact pushing the empty pram was one of the saddest things she'd ever seen.

I was , seriously? Baby born with heroin, methadone and diazapham in her tiny system, weeks and weeks of horrendous screaming and pushing an empty pram is sad.

I don't get it, I really don't.

OP posts:
sungirltan · 28/05/2010 22:29

just read the thread start to finish with tears all the way through

you're a strong lady emin!

yay for lo being a little fighter!

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 28/05/2010 22:04

EMIN I think I remember a thread of yours when your last foster baby left to be adopted, it broke my heart (apologies if I've got the wrong person)

Thank god for people like you

x

TinaSparkles · 28/05/2010 22:01

Just want to offer my admiration an respect at what your doing.

I hope the love, attention and affection will see these poor little babies on the right road.

You are priceless.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 28/05/2010 21:51

EMIN and Minnerva and your families,

Thank you.

You make this world a better place.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 28/05/2010 20:07

Aw thank you, all of you

I've found the support I get on here has been so amazing, honestly at times, lots of times, it's kept me going.

The lo is my inspiration, she has come through something that most adults would cave in at and has come out (fingers crossed) the other end whole and happy.

As I type she is lying on the playmat batting at the baby gym kicking her legs like her life depends on it.

Just a few short weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to put her down without the, seemingly incessant screaming starting.

There is light at the end of the tunnel Minnerva

I have, and still do, struggle with the idea of her going home but, in all likelehood thats what will happen. Her mum is trying very hard and I have to accept that and hope she will continue to work on her addictions and have the strength to get through as well.

OP posts:
sheeplikessleep · 28/05/2010 17:47

Wow, you are such an inspiration.
I've just read the whole thread on the verge of tears, but your post EMIN about the first smile sent me over the edge and Im sat here blubbing with a mixture of admiration, wonder, happiness and sadness.
Fantastic - you've given me faith in human nature and I'm so chuffed there are people in the world like you.
All the best to you both and may your fostering continue for years and years. Good on you.

Alouiseg · 28/05/2010 16:41

You amaze me.

You are both doing such a wonderful job. I am very that lo will have to go back to mothers who can't possibly look after them as well as you have been doing.

I wish the lo could be adopted by people who could look after them and give them a nice life. Is there no chance of that happening?

D0G · 28/05/2010 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 28/05/2010 16:35

Oh Minnerva I know exactly what you mean and your Dh is spot on.

I usually agree to what I can change easily but fight the stuff I'm not prepared to compromise on.

I have found doing a contact diary helps.

Just a spiral notebook I note down how lo has been, when feeds are due, any observations, eg smiles etc.

Lo's mum writes in it too about what happened at contact etc.

It's meant we both understand when feeds etc are due, it's written down and I always put the date at the start of the day.

All you can do is your best, don't expect any gratitude and keep plodding on.

It works for me

OP posts:
Minnerva · 28/05/2010 16:24

Thanks for your reply

Things are slowly improving but I think the hardest part is dealing with mum-I seem to be criticised an awful lot which has eroded my confidence a bit.DH says it is just because mum has no control and tries to assert herself in the only way she can and I do think he is right but I still feel a bit rubbish and dread baby coming back from contact as I know that she will question something.

Lo is hands on 24/7 and really just wants to be held all the time-she is quite happy snuggled up but doesn't like being put down at all-housework and dinners on the table have taken a hit but it's fine-when I look at her little face and think of all of the adversities that she had already had to go through to get this far my heart melts.

The drugs seem to have worked their way through her system although I did buy Infacol on your recommendation and that has helped with her wind-she lets rip her comedy farts with alarming regularity much to everyones delight !!.

She is having a few more alert periods now-at 4 weeks old she still only weighs just over 6 pounds and is a tiny little bundle of love.

I am trying very hard to stay focused and not stress too much about lo's future as I know that it is out of my hands anyway but it is difficult emin-does it get any easier?.I dread the thought of her going to her mum (who has already had 2 children taken from her)rather than for adoption but I know that ss dictates that to be best for baby.

Anyway,I'd better go now as she will be back from contact soon-I really appreciate your reply and I shall pick my mood up off the floor and open the door with a big smile and give her a large kiss on the head and a huge cuddle.

Minnerva xx

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 28/05/2010 07:22

Hi Minnerva

Our lo is just 3 months old, as of yesterday, and I can honestly say this has been the hardest slog of my life.

Of all our babies she has given us the most worry and concern but, and it's a huge but, she is getting there.

The improvements in sleeping patterns are slow and there are still nights I consider how bad would it really be to shove her in the shed but there are nights she wakes to feed then settles herself back to sleep.

Her personality is appearing with cheeky smiles and her obvious pleasure when I pick her up. I guess it's a little like giving birth, a few short weeks ago I would never have considered taking another lo withdrawing again but now, looking at a smiley baby in her bouncy chair, I feel such a sense of achievement I can't tell you

How is it going for you?

OP posts:
Minnerva · 27/05/2010 13:35

Dear Emin

I was wondering how lo is coming along?.

Now that I am caring for a baby going through similar steps I have revisited these pages and found them helpful so I would be grateful for any updates especially sleeping habits as I look like death warmed up and am hoping (fingers crossed) that a few weeks down the line your lo will have a more regular pattern of sleep habits.

Here's hoping!!

Many thanks xx

Minnerva · 29/04/2010 14:02

Thanks again EMIN for the update-it's a pleasure to read of lo' progress and long may it continue-thanks again
Minnerva

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 29/04/2010 11:14

Health Visitor just called out to weigh lo

Drum roll.............8lbs 12ozs woo hoooooo

Thank you guys

OP posts:
kando · 29/04/2010 10:23

You are wonderful earthmother - what a truly special person you are, the lo is a very lucky little girl to have you looking after her. Have just read the whole thread and have a massive lump in my throat reading how well she is doing. You are an absolute shining star

SirBoobAlot · 29/04/2010 09:53

EarthMother just wanted to say what an inspiration you are. I am total awe of you, and other people who do this. Thank goodness this little girl has such a wonderful FM in you.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 29/04/2010 09:29

Thank you shortand sweet but lo is the amazing one methinks!

Giving them back isn't really an issue because they aren't mine in the first place It's the letting go thats the killer!

Oh and babies take up very little space, especially if they spend a lot of time on your shoulder

OP posts:
shortandsweet2 · 29/04/2010 08:35

My god EMIN you and your DH are amazing people. You have done a fantastic job!!!

She sounds so beautiful, I would love to do fostering but would never be able to pass them back plus my flat is tiny.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 29/04/2010 07:07

8 weeks old today

Lo is doing really well and exceeding everyones expectations. She is just over 8.5lbs and is a very alert baby, she smiles readily now and when she cries it is the more "normal" baby cry and not that god-awful high pitched scream which I can only liken to a piglet screaming in terror

She has come a long way and I think, fingers crossed, she's through the dependency.

We both look like walking zombies mind you as she still doesn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time but, compared to a few short weeks ago this is heaven

OP posts:
Gay40 · 25/04/2010 22:14

Update?

hairymelons · 15/04/2010 21:21

You earned that smile!
What a lovely moment for you all

MrsRigby · 15/04/2010 21:01

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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