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Original poster

drug dependant baby, advice needed

734 replies

EarthMotherImNot · 03/03/2010 15:20

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

OP posts:
queenofboak · 18/12/2010 08:05

I've just sat and read this thread.

I have to confess i'm a bit teary.

What a wonderful story. EMIN, you have taken such a poorly baby and given her the most wonderful start in life. I know that you have given her the most important gift, security and love, that will always stay with her.

I really couldn't do what you ladies do. But thank God you are there.

Getting a bit gushy now Grin it's just lovely to know that ladies like you are around.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 18/12/2010 07:35

Thanks PigeonStreet, thats kind of youSmile

I truly feel for this family, from what I gathered chatting to them yesterday they have waited so long, longer than most adopters I've met by a long way, so to drop this on them seems too diabolical.

They were shell shocked yesterday and, sadly, don't seem to be the create a stink type of people. To be honest though the paperwork thats been overlooked isn't stuff that, legally, can be done withoutSad

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PigeonStreet · 18/12/2010 07:09

What a massive shame... I thought the key to adoptions etc was avoiding delay so that children are not waiting around for families? Some friends of ours adopted their ds in dec last year and were initially told he wouldn't be placed with them until Feb. They kicked up a massive stink about the delay to a manager and they changed it back to Dec.

Have been following this thread for months on and off and have reccommended it to people I know looking to foster babies. I just wanted to say what a wonderful job you are doing and despite the delays (not your fault)you are going to be responsible for giving the little one such a better start in life, and giving her adopters their dream.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 18/12/2010 06:15

Greythorne, we would have had lo over Christmas even without the forgotten paperwork as the first panel doesn't meet until January.

They were so upset, they thought waiting until January was hard enough, to be told it may not happen until March was too much to bear.

No all avenues for BM have been well and truly closed.

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Greythorne · 17/12/2010 17:03

EMIN
That just beggars belief! (The forgotten paperwork, I mean).
Does that mean you will "keep" LO over Christmas?
The adoptive parents must be gutted.

Regarding the birth mother, does she have anhy more recourse to appeal the decision (nosy emoticon)?

TurkeyMartini · 17/12/2010 15:58

:(

How lovely that you like them though.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 14:49

Thank you everyoneSmile

The new family seem lovely, they brought me wineGrin

They are desperate to meet her and had zillions of questions. They brought gifts for her including a talking photo album of all of the family's voices including the dog barkingGrin

The social worker has forgotten to do a vital piece of paperwork which could, potentially, hold things up for weeks and weeks and she chose this morning to break this to themAngry

It took the shine off the occasion big time.

Sometimes I despairSad

OP posts:
wallababy · 17/12/2010 10:57

Wow. I have just read the whole of this thread (admitedly the last few pages have been through floods of tears)
You are all amazing.
I actually have a friend who fosters drug dependant babies and always admired her, but actually, Reading these first hand accounts, it makes me in awe of her.
If there are any social workers out there, maybe let any drug dependant mothers or mothers to be read this thread, I defy anyone not to feel for these poor babies.
Well done EMIN and others. There just aren't the words to thank you enough.

Greythorne · 17/12/2010 10:29

Emin
I def think you should write about how hard the first weeks were for you and for LO, it can be a way of telling her how wonderfully hard she fought to get through the crap hand her idiot parents life dealt her. Sorry, I feel bad being so jugdey when
you reserve judgement and just do the best for the little one. I imagine I would be a hopeless foster carer.
Anyway, good luck writing the letter and good luck saying farewell yo your LO.

TheFoosa · 17/12/2010 09:32

to EMIN and all the people who do care for these poor children, you are amazing

TurkeyMartini · 17/12/2010 09:20

Good luck writing your letter EMIN.

Huge respect to you (and the other foster parents who've posted). I've come back to this thread a few times and it always amazes me and make me cry. So glad this baby girl had her time with you.

Merry Christmas when it comes.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 09:14

I'm sorry to hear you're poorly Minnerva, I'll be thinking of you on Monday and praying all goes well for you.

Sad for lo too but obviously your health comes first. I had to move a baby on years ago because i was so ill I couldn't care for her so I understand how that feels.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and a wonderful Christmas. xxx

OP posts:
Minnerva · 17/12/2010 09:03

I am off for major abdominal surgery on Monday so will be out of action for a couple of months.They had to find a new placement for the special needs lo that I was caring for.I do miss her but I am quite poorly at the moment and it is important that I rest a lot so I couldn't care for her properly any more. :(

Lovely to hear your update though-sending you my very best wishes for Christmas and the new year Emin.

melikalikimaka · 17/12/2010 09:02

Thank God for you, EMIN.Xmas Smile

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 08:42

Hi Minnerva, long time no seeGrin

Thank you, I think we are the lucky ones especially when I see her now, a happy giggly little girl, into everything and so very content.

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Minnerva · 17/12/2010 08:35

Good luck Emin-I will be thinking of you.

This is the end of your story with her but a new beginning for her and she is only able to take this path because of the love and care that you have lavished on her.

She is a very lucky little girl and will leave you with the sense of being loved and being able to love-a precious gift indeed.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 08:13

I'm glad you think I should talk about it. I'm going to start tomorrow, I know from experience that it's not something I can do in one day.

It will take me a few goes to get it right, and probably a few tearsSad

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blueberrysantabait · 17/12/2010 08:00

I think she will need to know how it was but it was how she and you fought, came through and became the person she is today. Rather she hears it all in a loving way from you than in bit and bobs from medical records or social services records.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 07:50

Thank you blueberrySmile

I think the support I've had from Mners has carried me this far so I've no doubt it will get me through the final leg. In fact I'm counting on it!

I have to start her goodbye letter soon, I've put it off because I have no idea how to put it down in wordsSad

How do I tell the 16-18 year old she will one day be, how awful her first weeks were?

Dh says I should ignore that bit and just talk about how much she came to mean to us but is that right, will it be enough?Confused

OP posts:
blueberrysantabait · 17/12/2010 07:36

EMIN - I have followed your story since the beginning, you are truly amazing you have given this lo a gift that she will carry with her for life and you have given a couple the chance to have a happy healthy baby in their lives.

I hope today goes well for you all.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 17/12/2010 07:09

Thanks everyoneSmile

I hope they got more sleep than I did, I can't believe how nervous I amShock

It seems very wrong that they can't see lo too, so close and yet so farSad

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SenSationsMad · 16/12/2010 20:43

hope it goes well x

Fuchzia · 16/12/2010 20:39

Many have said this before me but you are amazing. I stumbled on this thread and read it all. Well done. Thank goodness someone is able to give these babies the start in life they deserve

p99gmb · 16/12/2010 18:41

ahh bless... what a lovely Christmas Present for them... I truly hope you take to them, and them to you... Xmas Smile

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 16/12/2010 15:20

Well the end is in sightSad

Tomorrow we get to meet the new parents chosen for lo.

Our LA policy is that they can't see the baby until panel has rubber stamped everything (ridiculous in my opinion) so Dh will take her out before they arrive.

I'm soooo nervous and I expect they are too!

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