drug dependant baby, advice needed

hge huge hugs for you all.
i know it hurts i really do but all i can say is you have given this lo the best start in life.

oh i do feel for you. i remember how much it hurt when my longest lo left he took my heart with him and never sent it back.

i hope everything goes as well as it can in these situations.
let yourself grieve and remember just what you have done.
you taught this lo what love is and how to bond and trust.
well done.
i will be thinking of you
xxxxx

EMIN I have followed this thread from the very beginning and have lurked on"Fostering" for a while, as I am trying to make up my mind if this might be for me in the future.

I think it very unfair that the adoptive family are being pushed to meet birth mother. BM carried on taking drugs through out a pregnancy, gave birth to a drug dependant baby, then carries on using drugs.

Pregnancy was not enough to get her to give up, a very poorly baby was not enough to get her to give up, keeping her baby was not enough to get her to give up. In my opinion she should not even be on the scene !

Please enjoy your last night together as a family and I hope everything goes well. Will be thinking of you.

I don't know what SS agenda is, but if you think about it from the birth mothers side, I think if it was me, I'd like to meet the 'new' family that was going to look after my child for the rest of its life.

I know birth parents are often seemed to be given so many chances, constantly blow them, and as foster carers it can seem unfair.

I am quite amazed by my own reaction to this - I think you have done an absolutely award winning job EMIN, and the new family just sound so wonderful and doting on the LO, but I do feel for the bm too.

SS sound out of order for forcing the issue, saying these types of things, but what is one meeting at the end of the day?

Maybe even this isn't due to a request from the bm..? The new family don't have to like her - nor she them, but when the LO is older and starts asking questions, at least they can say that they did meet her once..

Oh no! That sounds awful. How on earth is that beneficial to anyone?

I really don't understand the need for lo new family to have to meet up with her birth mother? Surely there must be more sensible reasons than lo wanting to know her parents liked her birth mum. It sounds totally inappropriate.

Do you have experience of this happening before EarthMotherImNot?

I have cared for a couple of drug dependant babies but they have had to go cold turkey.
They appeared to like being swaddled and other carers with more experience told me not to touch them too much because the drugs make their skin very sensitive.
The piercing cry is dreadful. Most babies seem to like the womb sounds from the Slumber bear premium, especially if they hear it soon after birth.

Hi EMIN, I totally agree with you about the babygro - I've already packed up my current LO's for when he leaves along with his bootees and tiny preemie dummy! It's amazing how big he looks next to them now.

You're lucky that baby loves her new family already - I had tears and tantrums every time my last little girl had to leave for the day and it broke my heart to have to send her off with them. Yours sound like they'll love her to pieces though which must make things slightly easier (in the long run. Nothing makes these next few days easier right now!)

(On a more personal note, my current placement finally seems "withdrawn" although quite severely behind his peers as a result, and I'm now looking forward to more happier times like you've had with your LO!)

After reading this thread from start to finish, I am really proud of you EarthMotherImNot. (Not meant in a patronising way, but in admiration of you!)
You must be finding it very difficult at the moment even though you have obviously been fostering for many years.

I am so happy that there are kind and determined people like you in this world who can care for these unfortunate children, who are born dependant.

I hope that you have finished your letter and are feeling happy about little ones new family .
She has had such love from you and your dh I glad you feel happy with her Mummy and Daddy and know that they will love her as much as she deserves.

xx Best Wishes to you over the next few days, weeks and months, and best wishes to that special little girl and her family. xx

I nearly asked you about your goodbye letter in my last post.
Are you happy with it? Did you manage to find the words to explain just how difficult those early months were for her?

I am still in awe. The photo sounds lovely. I am glad that lo will have a proud mum. I just wish that it didn't involve breaking your heart.

Sending another un-MN hug {{{{{{}}}}}}

Willing to risk the MN eviction as well to send you a big hug.

I am feeling emotional and I have only read your story.

I am so happy that they are falling in love with her but I can barely imagine how difficult this must be for you and your dh.

It seems as though the new parents are understanding and would at least like to try and maintain a relationship with you. I hope it works out.

I've been thinking about you all week, and wish i knew you in real life so I could bring round coffee, cake and a cuddle!
Might get thrown off MN for sending you a hug!But what the heck you deserve it ((hug))
xx

and at the same time.

I don't know where you find the strength. Lo is so blessed to have spent her first 10 months with you. My heart goes out to you.

EMIN I have been following this thread from the start. My heart goes out to you, I really don't know how you do it, it must be like giving away your child, after all you are all she has known up until now. Thinking of you over the next days.

Didnt want this to go unanswered, but cant find the words.

Wow, just wow.

I am stunned, astonished, humbled by the many amazing foster parents on this thread. You are truly extraordinary people. Thank you for what you do.

Wow, what an amazing person you are. Good luck to you and your new special house vistor. xxxxxxxxx

Hormones are making me feel irrationally for you and your dh today. Three of my cousins are adopted and I cannot imagine our family without them; they brought my aunt and uncle so much joy. One has fetal alcohol syndrome and was fostered during his adoption process.
One of our closest friends also has an adopted daughter and is in the process of adopting again.

Your week is going to be so difficult but your contribution to this baby's life has made a massive difference. I hope you don't have to dig too deep to find that stiff upper lip. My chin is wobbling from thousands of miles away.

Dh just reminded me not to even consider asking him to foster. He said he would find it easier to sell crack than to hand over a baby that we had loved and nurtured to virtual strangers.